541 Comments

  1. Hi Trish, Thanks for the tips. One thing that strikes me is your requirement of a shaved scrotum. All the other things I must give up are the best things a man can do for himself and his partner. But the pubes business seems out of place.

    Love your work,
    P

  2. Yep, this is a really great post! It is informative for sure, confidant and decisive, but nonetheless thoughtful and without disdain. I think I understand every single point you made, and I share almost all of them. In particular, the “I don’t *need* sex or a partner to be happy – but I *want* it” part is just spot-on. *This* is true desire. True desire is a very important thing, and sadly, it is rather seldom found in society. Many people still think they “need” a partner/sex to be happy. Nowadays, that is usually not to ensure their social/economic existence – but merely to please their egos. Btw: This “don’t strive, just be” attitude seems pretty Yin to me πŸ˜‰

  3. I can vouch for the fact that female ejaculation is real, and is not urine. Having tasted all four (male & female ejaculate, male & female urine) on multiple occcasions, I can state that they are undoubtedly four distinct solutions. Neither male nor female ejaculate tastes sweet. They both have a somewhat alkaline taste, with female ejaculate containing a slightly musky undertone that is similar to the smell of an aroused female. Furthermore, a bed that has been soaked with female ejaculate does not smell anything like a bed that has been soaked with urine, even after some time has passed.

  4. Nice review, but I can’t help thinking that the glass toy wouldn’t be better with a lot more angle on it, almost like a candy cane, save reaching down so far. I can’t seem find a decent glass toy that’s curved to that extent.
    Please tell me I’m wrong about the angles.
    P

  5. More angle? Youch! πŸ™‚ I actually spent quite some time looking at this one (that I got) and the Crystal Wand that’s practically an “S”… The Crystal Wand is recommended specifically for female prostate stim & female ejac. However, it costs a little more than this one, so I wanted to give this one a try first — mainly because it’s my 1st glass toy (wasn’t sure if the upkeep would be annoying). I was also thinking that if there is more curve to it, then the part of the toy hitting the prostate is more like the tip. With this glass toy, the whole thing (the end with several bulbous parts) strokes the entire prostate and the other end provides plenty of “handle” to hold on to. NOT having a long enough “handle” is my MAIN complaint with most toys — I’m sorry, but the little cap that holds in the batteries is NOT enough to hold on to! πŸ™‚ This glass toy is also a great length for the vagina — the average woman’s vagina is only 3-4 inches long.

    But P, if you DO come across the kind of glass (or silicone?) toy you’re looking for, PLEASE let me know!

    And for anyone else reading this, do NOT actually put a candy cane in a woman’s vagina. Aside from the peppermint which can irritate the delicate tissues of the vagina, the sugar will be ready food for bacteria and can cause true health problems.

    Thanks, P, for leaving a comment!!!! Hope to hear from you again!

  6. Now, it is a great idea to make those GOP guys look ridiculous by putting their “expert knowledge” to the test *thumbsup*

    Err… Let me guess: Some of them even recommended praying to resolve period issues etc?

  7. Wahaha! I’m sure they prayed we women will just go away… But we’re NOT! We’re in this shit storm for the long haul. There is just too much at stake — namely a women’s right to choose what happens to her body, and the precedent we are setting for our daughters. And guys, don’t think this is just a woman’s issue… the GOP will find ways to govern your bodies as well — they will do whatever they need to in order to stay in power and growing their wealth.

  8. Now, haven’t they done so already?

    Sure, men’s bodies are not as often the subject of public discussion as women’s bodies. But there *are* problems, as well.

    Just think about the attitude of many an authoritarian regarding semen: “No sperm may be wasted”. That is the very attitude you satirize in your tweet on ovulation. But for men, it is *real*.
    (Okay, ovulating is not a matter of choice. If it were, those people would probably forbid it, as well)

    A few more words on those protest mails: To a huge degree, authoritarian ideologies base on hypocrisy, deception/self-deception, and even on creating/intensifying the very problems they claim to be solving (just think of the “war on drugs”). In many cases, the best way to fight them is to reveal those inconsistencies. And these mails are a great example in doing right this πŸ˜‰

  9. Keep in mind that one argument that religious fanatics have had against men masturbating is that the semen is being wasted … or used for “recreation” rather than used for procreation. πŸ™‚ Again, this is a man’s choice NOT to use his semen toward creating a child, just as a man can use a condom during sex, withhold ejaculating during sex (or pull out), etc. Men are making the decision, the CHOICE, not to become a father just as a woman has the right to choose not to become a mother.

  10. The series is highly recommendable indeed.

    I do disagree on two things regarding your comments, though πŸ˜‰

    First off, the term “history” derives from Latin/French. There is no etymological relation to the English pronoun “his”.

    Secondly, you complain about history books “erasing women”. Now, history books focus on political events. So, they focus on people who had huge political power in their respective times. And during the recent 3000 or 5000 years, the vast majority of those people *were* men. There just *were* few women of huge political power. Historians can’t change that. The only thing they could do is change their focus.

    When it comes to the “Founding Fathers”: Afaik, this term refers to the signatories to the declaration of Independence or the US Constitution. Now, how many of those were female?

    (Btw: In German, it is pretty common to speak of “the Mothers and Fathers of the Constitution”. There *were* some women involved in creating it, and most people want to point that out)

  11. One more thing: The last 10 or 15 minutes of the second episode cover the role of women in the early Christian church. Basically, their point is that this early church offered a bunch of opportunities and new freedom to the women in antiquity. Until the council of Nicaea in 325 AD, women could become Christian priests and even bishops, and it seems, both genders were considered to be equal in general.

    Now, you often refer to women having been oppressed for the past *2000 years* in particular. I assume this number refers to the rise of Christianity. If so, you might want to think about referring to the past *1700 years* “only”. If referring to the past 2000 years instead, you may do the early Christians wrong.

    Btw: In general, you can’t compare the early Christian church with the institutionalized churches of nowadays. It seems the council of Nicaea was the Fall of Christendom in many respects. There may even have been a lot of truth in Christianity beforehand. If so, only traces of it remain nowadays.

  12. Admittedly, I just heard about this “YES” sensation for the first time ever. It sounds intriguing, though πŸ˜‰

    Now, I may get a little nosey:

    Some time ago, I learned about the “vaginal ache”, i.e. a sudden desire to be filled in the depths of your vagina, which may occur at very high levels of arousal.

    I can’t remember you mentioning this feeling. Would you mind me asking if you know about it, and if so: do you think it is somehow related to this opening of the vaginal opening?
    [Okay, maybe “vaginal ache” is simply a different name for this “YES” feeling πŸ˜‰ ]

    Secondly: When it comes to the sensations in your legs: May I ask if you would describe those as a kind of vibrational feeling?

  13. “Men are scared of emotion”: Ah, come on, do not tar all of us with the same brush πŸ˜‰ There are men who *love* emotion, their own emotions as well as others’.

    [Btw: I personally believe that in everyone, there is a predisposition for being emotional, for being truly interested in other people etc. The difference is to which extend people are able to open to this part of themselves.]

    If you feel that staying true to yourself means not to engage in superficial sex, that’s perfectly fine. To be honest, I for one think that it is even a *good* sign. People with a healthy sex drive *are* picky about their sexual partners. If you value your sexuality, you’ll only share it with people who are worthy of doing so.

    Now, given the current state of our species, demanding high standards from a sexual partner means it is very difficult to find anyone at all who meets your standards. In this case, there is nothing wrong with *you* – There’s something wrong with most other people.

    [Note: It is important to note that this attitude does *not* mean you’d be prude or something. I assume, if there were dozens of men available who do meet your requirements, you would happily, ermm… get to know several of them, and investigate their respective peculiarities, right? πŸ˜‰ ]

    re: “feminists”: There are different groups of people calling themselves “feminists”. The term itself doesn’t tell much about the attitudes of any particular person using this self-description. It may be someone who wants to privilege women over men, it may be someone who wants people to be treated equal regardless of gender, it may be someone who wants women’s concerns to gain attention, etc. When it comes to sex, there are huge differences in the attitude of feminists, as well.

    Feminists are far from being a homogeneous group. So I think, whenever using this term, it is important to clarify what group/mindset exactly you refer to.

    Btw: There are similar ambiguities in term “humanist”. Many people use it, and they mean very different things by it. So, if you call yourself a humanist, you might want to clarify what a humanist *is* in your book.

    re: *needing* an emotional component of sex: I think this is not a matter of getting old. It is a matter of achieving a true body-soul connection. And maybe that is one aspect of getting mature.
    [Btw: Being mature is *not* equivalent with being old πŸ˜‰ ]

    You say, this need for emotion would make you dependent – i.e. it would make you depend on others. But I think, fulfilling this need is entirely up to *yourself*. Only *you* can allow yourself to open to emotion during sexual activity, be it alone or with a partner. No partner can give this to you. You can only find it within yourself.

    If you only want to engage in partner sex if you can let your emotions flow freely in the course of it, you do not *depend* on your partner in spe. Instead, you are making *demands*. That’s pretty much the opposite πŸ˜‰

  14. You HAVE to ask me this while I’m eating POTSTICKERS! Argh! You know how I feel about potstickers!! They’re my sexual fetish replacement for sucking testicles. πŸ˜€ Let me get done savoring these yummy delights, and I’ll gladly give this topic a whirl.

  15. Several years ago I took part in a new play workshop at a college.
    I had recently read “Reviving Ophelia” and I had an idea for a play about women and growing up. So I “interviewed” the cast–well, half the cast, the young women. I was astonished that EVERY ONE OF THEM had some story about abuse or unwanted sexual attention in the hallways at school or something in that whole category of awful stories.
    I was astonished because, while I knew that sort of thing went on sometimes, I thought it was mostly individual cases here and there. I just did not have any clue that it was such an incredibly wide-spread problem. That sort of aggressive sexuality was just never a part of my experience growing up. And I suppose when I was in jr. high and high school, it was so far from my mind, from my sense of possible behavior, that if it was there, I just did not see it.
    It reminds me of the one time in college when I walked in on a couple of people making out and groping each other in the dorm bathroom late one weekend. I had no clue such things went on. And why wasn’t I involved in them!?

    Anyway…I think it’s great for you that you are loving your body. And I think it’s tragic that it’s taken you so long to get there. I’m sorry for the pain you’ve dealt with, and I applaud your willingness to share your experiences with the world.

  16. One of the most ridiculous staples of pornography and “sexy” female images in general is the lingerie (or nude) plus high heels. I just do not get it.

  17. Being emotional is a huge sign of weakness in American thought. Much of American sexual desirability for men is caught up in being a “player” or a “lady’s man,” a “love ’em and leave ’em” stereotype. A man who does show emotion automatically has his manhood questioned. A woman who is emotional is seen as either hormonal and unable to control her emotions, OR the emotion is seen (by some men) to be a trap – a snare that will end his roaming ways, and few men want that. πŸ˜€

  18. P.S. Emotion is human. It’s culture, religion, & society that have condemned emotion to being weakness. And it is very difficult to rise above the systemic brainwashing.

  19. Thank you for sharing your journey. I love that you love your breasts, now! I am happy for you, because I know how deep and arduous this type of journey is. Much love to you!

  20. Thank you for sharing your story. I smiled at the much deserved happy ending when you realized it was your reflection in the laptop screen. I am going to share this with my girlfriend in the morning. I think she’ll benefit from your experience, she too has “Irish anatomy” and has received much unwanted attention because of it. I am ashamed to admit it, but, the first time I saw her 38 DDD breasts, it was a little off-putting because of how porn had twisted my view of what is normal, but I soon had the realization that “Oh, this is what real breasts are!” Now I appreciate them as they deserve. I’m glad you appreciate yours too. I’m sure they are equally beautiful.

  21. Wow thank you for the tips! After I visited ifeelmyself.com from a link you posted and observed a couple of women reaching the point of ejaculation, I became fascinated with the concept. Just a couple of days ago while we were making love, my girlfriend asked me to hold back from my strong, deep thrusts because she didn’t want to make a mess. I assured her she did not need to worry and that I was actually very interested in stimulating her to the point of ejaculating, partially because of my curiosity and partially because of my desire to pleasure her. I am hoping we will have a chance to try out your tips this weekend and meet with success!

  22. Hey! Thanks so much. And don’t say you’re “ashamed to admit” you were deluded by porn! It’s an epidemic. I’m working on several posts right now on this very thing. And remember, men are as much affected by male stereotypes as women are by the silicone Barbie fakery. But we can overcome it by communicating with each other, just like we’re doing now.

    I hope you’re girlfriend will write a comment as well, and be sure to forward this article to ALL THE MEN you know! πŸ˜€

    trish

  23. Thank YOU for writing this comment. It is SO important for men to understand women’s perspective, and vice versa. Having directed ‘Vagina Monologues,’ I know firsthand how women rejoice in a chance to share their experiences that they otherwise think are not valid. Many women hide deep pain that’s been systematically inflicted upon them most of their lives. I hope men start to see women as more than just a vagina with breasts for men’s pleasure any time men want it, any way men want it. And we need more men like you who DO value women and our bodies. πŸ˜€

  24. True, no way watching a woman having an orgasm could EVER be boring. Still, when it starts getting heavy, you just want to join in and penetrate!

    And, 8000 nerve endings to synchronize. Hmmmmm…

  25. Hey Trish,
    Thanks for your wonderful blog, I am so glad you’re loving yourself in this way having had those terrible experiences. I too am astounded at how widespread men’s inability to control themselves in the presence of beauty and especially full breasts. My first girlfriend was well endowed at an early age (and a redhead too BTW!) she was constantly harassed by leering and groping men, I just don’t get why they think they have a right to do this.
    Anyway, love your work.
    p

  26. To Quote Trish,
    “The biggest mistake most men make when stimulating a woman is that they do some stimulation, and if she really likes it (evident by audible moans, changes in breathing, grabs his hair in her fists, etc.), the guy thinks, β€œHey, she likes that, let me show her what else I can do!””

    Really???!!! Even I knew that! What a bonehead.
    p

  27. Awesome!!! One thing to remember is that depending how how her anatomy is configured, female ejaculation may not be possible with penile penetration — the girth of the penis can “choke off” the prostate from being able to fill with fluid (for the ejac part). So fingers might be the best choice — they are more directional for stimulating the various zones in the vagina, AND you can feel the changes in the prostate that signal where she is in her arousal. Make sure this is FOR HER. πŸ˜€ You’ll get enough enjoyment out of watching and causing the FE. πŸ˜€ And she’ll be extremely wet and probably really ready for penetrative sex at that point. But give her time to process physically and emotionally what’s just happened. She may be self-conscious about soaking the bed or how she looked during orgasm. Let her know that none of that matters! That is was beautiful.

    Also, she may learn to ejaculate over time, i.e., the first time may be a sequential release of fluid over the course of near orgasmic arousal AND the orgasm(s) itself. Not all FE is the geyser/sudden expulsion of fluid. Assure her there is no failure here. This is supposed to be for pleasure; she’s not being graded. There’ no winning or losing. There’s just practice, practice, practice.

    A side note on the deep thrusts — deep penetrative thrusts, whether with a penis or a toy, stimulate the A-Spot/AFE zone, a spot at the top of the vagina. A-spot/uterine orgasms are intensely emotional. I don’t know your girlfriend, but she might have been sensing the physical sensation of emerging emotion (which can be really cool or really scary. πŸ™‚ …). I wrote about it in today’s post, so be sure to read it.

    Also check out some of my other posts: REVIEW: Yoni Massage, and this one on Prostate Awakening.

    BTW, impending ejac is often felt like the need to go to the bathroom. She should always go to the bathroom before sex, that way when she has that feeling to urinate, she’ll know it’s just the prostate kicking in. That fear of urinating is what holds a LOT of women back from being fully orgasmic, and therefore, from being fully sexual/sensual. Who knows, she might even start having urination orgasms. πŸ˜€

    Keep me posted on how it goes!!!

  28. Great article Trish. I would like to start with a law against circumcision of minors. Let adults do whatever body alteration they want.

  29. Hey, Ian!

    Thank you for taking the time to read & reply! I read your post from Nov. 2011, about what it’s like to be intact. Feel free to reply here with the link to that article. (I even have a few questions myself!) One thought I had — just before you addressed it! — was, “If more men were intact, maybe there would be LESS RAPE?!”

    This is my first but certainly not the last time I’ll address the issue of male circumcision.

    (And as I’ve learned to say from my Aussie friends) Catchya later! πŸ˜€
    trish

  30. Hey, Brian!

    I absolutely think there should be legislation since there are morons who will keep enacting this barbarity on baby boys UNLESS legislation bans male (and female) circumcision. If someone cut a slice out of my daughter, it’s aggravated assault and endangering the welfare of a minor. But circumcision is okay?! NO! (Think I’ll update my post with this, too.)

    It wouldn’t have to be legislated if we could get “some people’s” religion out of the daily functions of the entire society. But then some people might say that it violates the parents’ freedom of religion — to which I would say — what about the BABY’S freedom of religion? Freedom and right to remain whole???

    Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…..
    trish

  31. I shared your story with my girlfriend. She enjoyed it and could relate to it in many ways. I don’t think she has gotten around to leaving you a comment yet though. I wanted to ask if you would like to be email penpals. You are very knowledgeable about all things natural and spiritual. I’ve always associated the word “spiritual” with religion but you define it as something else entirely. I have so many curiosities about things like yoga, nutrition, sex, and the right way to view and treat women. My email is Fantist@gmail.com. Hope to hear from you soon! πŸ™‚

  32. Great stuff Trish. Sadly I am the son of Irish parents (both now dead) that were ignorant of the harm they condoned when they allowed me to be circumcised as a neonate after they settled in England. I reflect that if they had stayed in Ireland I would almost certainly still be intact now. I am now very active in the movement to ban elective circumcision of minors and cannot believe how many of the pro-circumcision brigade are in complete denial of the fact that it is a human rights violation.

  33. Wow, I’ve never thought about it this way, or what I’m missing out on. πŸ™ I do feel it should be something that each male decides rather than the parents. It’s kind of like when you ask someone why they are in the religion they are in and they respond with “Because my parents are (insert religion here).” What kind of reason is that? Laziness maybe? I want to ask them if they are just not able to think for themselves or what it is. Well I sure wish I was able to make this decision for myself. I’ll be sure to talk to any expecting parents I know about this issue. Thanks!

  34. That is outrageous! I can’t believe she was asked to cover up! Grrrr…. You know what? If you’re going to ask someone to cover up their natural features just because they are of a larger size, then why not try and force every overweight person to wear clothing that covers them up better? I mean, most people that are obese remain that way by choice, so shouldn’t they be obligated to hide what we don’t want to see over someone who was born with their features and had no choice? Your blogs are making me more and more aware of societies decaying view of what “normal” and “acceptable” in life. Thank you for that!

  35. ‘We love men’

    Right on. One of the true tenets of feminism is loving everyone. Feminism is often unique in that once we recognise the systematic, historical misogyny, all other pockets of oppression become exceptionally clear, and therefore intolerable.

  36. I really can’t say I know much about this subject. I am, after all, a circumcised man. It was not my choice, but I do not blame my parents for their decision. But I do stand up for the rights of children to NOT be circumcised as part of the process of being born. The whole pro-circ movement is about fear of change and “social norms”. Just because it’s the accepted social norm, or the argument “But we’ve always done it, so why stop now?” is an argument I am sick of hearing. In so many other areas of life, for instance the burning of fossil fuels, we see that what we accept as the best way forward is far from the best way at all. People need to be willing to let go of the ways that our grandparents did things, and move forward with a modern perspective. That much is clear.

    In the case of circumcision, I think we can see that it is not something we should do without consent from the person being circumcised. I really cannot see why people would be pro-circ unless it’s for religious reasons. And of course if that is the case, then I say pro-circ people need to stop burying their heads in the sand.

    As for sex with an uncircumcised person? Like I said, I really can’t add anything to this conversation. But I would like to now the facts.

  37. My current partner says having says with me (intact) feels like orgasmic cushioned sex vs sex with a circumcised man feels like having sex with a jack hammer, I’ll post her blog on Twitter

  38. Here is my current partners view of the intact penis, unedited:

    “From a womens perspective – comparison – to be with a man with an intact penis vs to be with a man with a circumcised penis.
    – the difference is vast – there is just no comparison – how can i put this without being too explicit?
    For me the difference is like “hard and fast” and not very satisfying with circumcised, compared to smooth, cushiony orgasmic and devine with intact.
    Somehow the gentle cushiony pressure of the foreskins gliding seems to just press all the right buttons if you know what i mean.
    The other thing Ive noticed is with a circ penis because the glans is so dry and has an exposed ridge it seems to almost strip the wall of the vagina of its natural lubrication, often resulting in painful chaffing sex.
    That never happens with a natural penis as the glans is naturally moist, and the ridge is covered by the gliding foreskin, keeping things gliding beautifully.
    The difference is like “having sex” or “making love”, it also seems much more intimate with an intact man. Its just as nature intended.
    How could any parent allow that to be taken from a newborn son? “

  39. My firsst *real* boyfriend was intact (uncircumcised), and we dated from the time I was 19-22. At the time I was pretty sexually inexperienced so it wasn’t until after we broke up and my sexual horizons widened that I became aware of the difference between cut and uncut partners.

    The main difference is the ‘comfort level’ of sex. Those painful jabs, pokes, chaffing, drying out, awkward positions, need for lubrication that women sometimes experience to different levels are all byproducts of circumcision. The foreskin allows for friction-free movement of the penis in and out of the vagina, and without it the shaft is rubbing directly against the sensitive vaginal wall causing chaffing, inflamation, or just general discomfort. The more tight the circumcision, the more acute this friction is.

    An uncut penis makes its own lubrication, which is largely noticed upon entry. The foreskin allows the penis to enter the vagina without any sort of discomfort or position adjustment (for the most part), and artificial lubrication isn’t usually necessary. The other main difference is in the length of the strokes. A circumcised often needs long strokes to reach orgasm and this can be painful or uncomfortable. The foreskin allows for a gliding action with the rolling foreskin, so long strokes aren’t uncomfortable, but a man can experience equal pleasure with short ones.

    Although the specialised bands of cells are lost forever to circumcision, many men are able to regain this rolling action through non-surgical foreskin restoration by stretching the shaft skin. Here is one couple’s story http://www.moralogous.com/2012/05/16/real-stories-couple-repairs-circumcision-damage-through-foreskin-restoration/ Other men have said that foreskin restoration has allowed the keratinized skin their glans developed slough off, making the glans supple again. Nearly all of these men and their partners report improved sexual satisfaction. I see foreskin restoration as a very powerful and symbolic action of stating control over one’s sexuality.

  40. So deeply touched me, resonated with my own journey. I did have a breast reduction at age 19 though. I had already suffered so much shame from being groped in the halls in high school, using the power of my breasts seduction, severe back pain and dents in my shoulders, desperately wanting to look like my friends in bikinis while getting disapproving looks from them for how I looked in mine. I often wonder how my body would look now if I hadn’t done it. I wonder how my sex would be different if I hadn’t lost so much sensitivity. I am saddened that I didn’t have anyone help me process my experiences before I had part of my body cut away. I grieve the loss now. And it is beautiful too. My scars are there helping me embrace the grief, love that little girl so desperately wanting to be loved for me.

    Thank you for your raw and beautiful sharing!

  41. I am just glad the issue of circumcision is getting so much attention. I chose not to circumcise my son. I figure if he wants to get cut that’s his choice.

    It is great to hear women speaking up. Sex for women is so different than for men. If women can educate other women before they become mothers, then I believe the incidence of circumcision will decrease.

    I have done a blog post about my decision not to cut my son. Any women that would like to write about their experience, I would be happy to post it. Since I am in the health insurance area I want to educate people about their choices and health.

  42. Hey, there!

    Thank you so much for taking the time to comment on this IMPORTANT issue from the female perspective of post-surgery experience. Again, I wanted breast reduction for almost 2 decades! Two things kept me from doing it — #1 – I gained weight after having my daughter, and I didn’t want the result to be skewed when I lost the weight… and #2 – the MONEY!

    I support any woman who DOES choose to have the breast redux surgery. The years of misery, bullying, sexual abuse, and horrible physical pain are almost unbearable at times.

    BUT! You CAN learn to love yourself and re-learn your body’s sexual/sensual response post-surgery. I personally think you can re-learn sexual/sensual feeling through KSMO and other energy paths like Kundalini, Tantra, Tao, or similar. I would suggest you get an individual teacher if you want to pursue Kundalini or Tao — that kind of energy awakening isn’t always pleasant to go through alone. These paths stimulate the autonomic/ parasympathetic nervous system, so the nerve damage may be a moot point.

    I look forward to hearing from you again if you feel comfortable commenting here or on any other post!

    Take care,
    trish

  43. Maria – Just learned something new. That’s an incrediblly clear and thorough explanation of inhibition of the natural sexual process. As a parent of two sons, I never gave it a thought. Didn’t even realize not circumcising was even a viable option. It was part of the checklist at the hospital along with the birth certificate application and picture ordering form.

    Would love to heat from more women about this. Awesome job presenting the discussion, Trish.

  44. THAT’S exactly what we want to change… this crazy-ass notion that circumcision is normal — which it clearly isn’t! Body mutilation should never have become routine!!!!!!!!!!!

    trish

  45. Hmm, never really considered that there would be a difference for the woman. Having being circumcised as a newborn 46 years ago I’ve tried not to think about what may have been since there was no point, what’s done is done.
    I’m glad circumcision no longer common practice in my country but a “special request”.
    I hope you can make a difference in yours Trish.

    As I’m sure you are all aware, there is a lot more to sex than the pleasure of physical feelings in ones genitals. Being the recipient of a rather “tight” circumcision I’m with you Maria on the comfort side of things, when the woman’s natural lubrication runs low it really puts a dampener on proceedings.

    P

  46. I think you exemplify two things wrong with routine infant circumcision. The first lies on the hospital and their negligence in getting informed consent before cutting the penises of babies. When care providers bring up the topic of circumcision duing prenatal visits, or a doctor or nurse or midwife takes the time to explain the process of the surgery, the risks (including loss of the penis and death), informed parents choose not to circumcise.

    The second thing lies in the psyche, and the psychological compulsion of repeating a cultural ritural without stopping to ask ourselves, ‘why did men evolve with foreskins, and why should I REALLY cut a healthy part of my son’s penis off?’ When we stop to ask ourselves these qustions, we are often plummeted down an uncomfortable road of coping with cognitive dissonance and harmful cultural norms. This is where the real debate begins and ends.

  47. Set me straight if I’m wrong: afaik, the infant circ tradition in the US/UK stems from puritan/Victorian ideas, and was originally meant to prevent boys from masturbating (with a foreskin, masturbating is easier, and you don’t need any lube). Maybe this is an unspoken reason why some authoritarians insist on perpetuating this tradition even today?

    Anyway, I totally agree that circumcision may only be performed on people consenting to it. Infant circumcision due to tradition is an abomination, and cannot be justified (that goes for religious traditions as well).

    On the other hand, the modification *itself* isn’t that bad at all.

    In continental Europe, only few people are cut the first placeβ€”and most of those are so due to their own, personal choice. That’s why the whole discussion here is different. There is little heated debate about infant circ. That’s just not a big issue here. Instead, when it comes to circ, people discuss a kind of surgery performed on consenting adults. Some men consider undergoing this surgery themselves, and people discuss the pros and cons of doing so.

    I personally have been circumcised as a young adult, due to medical reasons (phimosis). Beforehand, I did some investigations on the topic. Most people over here think being circumcised or not is not a big deal in the first place. There *are* differences, of course: If you are circumcised, some things are better, other things are worse. But all in all, it’s simply a matter of personal *taste*. Some people prefer being cut, others prefer being uncut. Neither condition is inherently better or worse than the other. They are *different*.

    In my perception, the US anti-circ movement tends to exaggerate things, and in particular to exaggerate the downsides of being circumcised.

    I understand their cause (i.e. putting an end to infant circumcision). And I totally support that cause. But some activists make it seem like circumcised men were physically crippled in some way. That is just not true (unless something went terribly wrong in the course of the surgery). Men who are cut might be led to think they could never experience real sexual pleasure. That is not true, as well. You can be just as happy if you are cut. In fact, many people think being cut is even *better* than being uncut. That’s why they undergo this surgery voluntarily over here. Being cut is different, but it is no worse.

    Like I said, it is a matter of personal taste, a matter of personal choice, which you prefer. The real problem, the only problem, with infant circ is that those boys are not being given this choice.

    So, anti-circ activists should be careful not to overrate the *result* of a circumcision. Be careful not to demonize circumcision *in general*. Tell cut men their parents did a great wrong when they decided about this issue over their head. But do not make them believe they were physically crippled, do not make them feel doomed to superficial sexuality, do not tell them they were incapable of experiencing the “real” thing. That’s just not correct. And doing so would cause even *more* problems, because these people might *feel* like they were doomed. Plus, you can fight infant circ without demonizing circumcision in general.

    In short: Being cut or uncut in itself *is* no biggie. Circumcision being performed on *infants* is an abomination, though. We need to eradicate the latter.

    Once again: The reason we need to eradicate this is that the boy cannot decide about it on his own. The physical result is not inherently bad in any way, though. And it is important to tell this to those men. If they *feel* crippled and doomed, they will suffer from this attitude even more.

    [Btw: I’m really upset with anyone even mentioning circ in the same breath as FGM. The latter is an incredible cruelty: Those women are actually mutilated, their sexuality is heavily impeded, and the risk of death is high. Circ, on the other hand, is not nearly as bad, and the risk of death/serious injury is very low (probably lower than the risks of things such as a bad diet). After all, being cut/uncut is a matter of personal taste / lifestyle. Maybe, even ear piercing would be a better comparison.]

  48. You *lose* followers with *those* magnificent posts on breasts and on the clitoris? 😯

    Anyway, I’m glad you do *not* adjust what you write to what those morons want to read πŸ˜€

    Plus, I basically agree with what the people you just quoted say: Your blog is great! I highly appreciate what you’re doing here, and I highly appreciate all the insight you provide 😎

    Thank you!

  49. I think there is a huge problem with the term “feminism” in general: It is highly ambiguous. There are many groups of people calling themselves “feminists”. But their ideas and attitudes are highly divergent (in particular when it comes to sex).

    That is the reason why I personally try to avoid the term at all. And if someone else calls herself/himself a “feminist”, s/he needs to elaborate on what s/he *means* by this term.

    Plus, I personally think that the very term “feminism” lures people into making up gender boundaries and gender issues where there are none in my perception. E.g., for me, loving everyone is an ideal I strive after as a way of living in general. I would never have thought about considering that attitude “feminist” in the first place (and neither would I have thought about considering it “masculinist”, for that matter). It is just right, regardless of gender.

  50. Hey, P!

    Of course, we love you guys, and I for one wouldn’t want ANYONE to feel less than human because of other people’s perceptions of how your body should be/should have been. Clearly, you were not in control of the situation, which is why I’m glad that there IS an anti-circ movement finally getting heard.

    And yes, I absolutely agree that sexual pleasure doesn’t begin and end with the genitals — don’t even have to touch them to experience true bliss. (Thanks to KSMO. πŸ™‚ …)

    As for natural lube, low levels of vaginal fluids can be from dehydration, certain medications, hormonal fluctuations or something else, and yes, it can be uncomfortable for all involved. πŸ™‚ You might also try extra stimulation of the A-spot — that is a known trigger for love juices… but it means you have to pull out and let your fingers do the “walking.”

    trish

  51. You raise some interesting points, thank you, sorry I can’t read it in full but I find white font on black background quite blinding. I think the issues are quite different in developing countries, where adult circumcision is being sold as protection (rather than partial protection) against HIV and almost everything else, it seems! There is a lot of pressure on people, their partners, their communities, for men to be circumcised. There is no discussion of any possible down sides or of men having some kind of autonomy. Of course, they don’t have any autonomy against the abusive power of wealthy US institutions, who have been dictating what people here in African countries should and shouldn’t do for decades.

  52. Sorry, I can see now that the reason for the white on black is that the site didn’t download properly, poor connection here in Tanzania. But finished your post and enjoyed it. Always good to keep infant and adult circumcision separate, as one of your respondents said. But there is little use of informed consent here in East Africa when US funded surgeons come wielding scalpels. People are rounded up, told whatever the party line is and expected to do what they are told, which many do. A lot believe the rhetoric, which implies that they are ‘vaccinated’, that they now have an ‘invisible condom’, etc. Interestingly, the same researchers who claim to have shown that the operation reduces HIV risk by some emotionally charged percentage also found that penile hygiene is far more effective, if carried out properly. They don’t boast about that finding but they did publish it along with the claims about circumcision with subsequently achieved legendary status, but no one seems to take any notice.

  53. Hey Trish,

    I enjoy your blog and I agree with you on this issue for the most part but I object to some of the language that you are using. I may not have made the choice myself but I do not think of myself as a victim or my parents as monsters for choosing this for me, especially since at the time it was doctor recommended. As far as I’m concerned I am still “whole” and I do not need a few extra bits of skin to complete me as a man. I agree that circumcising babies should be stopped but please remember that there is nothing wrong with those of us who have had it done.

  54. Hey, Andrew!

    Thanks so much for taking the time to comment AND give us insight into this matter from your perspective.

    I tried to make sure MY posts on the matter of circumcision do NOT vilify the men who were cut without their permission. If I personally came across as being against the MEN, that was NOT my intent. I love men, and I love penises, so I think they’re beautiful cut or uncut. What I highly object to is any person’s body being permanently modified withOUT his or her consent.

    However, having been an activist since I was 13, I know for a fact that sometimes strong language is the only language that is heard — if you’ve been following the recent “slut” attacks against women and our body rights’ issues, you’ll see this is very (sometimes unfortunately) true.

    The important thing here is to keep the discussion going — to keep it honest and respectful. This can only happen if men and women come together to discuss the issue(s) and work for lasting change — as we are now. And I will work harder to ensure men know MY personal anti-circ message is NOT against them. πŸ™‚

    Hope you’ll comment again!
    trish

  55. Quick update from over here: A German district court just ruled that circumcising a kid Ε΅ho is too young to consent is unlawful, and even punishable as physical assaultβ€”The only exception being cases of medical indication. In particular, religious beliefs of the parents (in this case, Muslims) cannot justify this surgery.

    On the other hand, the parents can still appeal to a federal court, esp. with regards to their religious freedom. It’s difficult to predict what the outcome would be if they did.

    http://www.globalpost.com/dispatch/news/regions/europe/germany/120626/cologne-religious-circumcision-assault
    http://www.lto.de//recht/hintergruende/h/wegweisendes-urteil-religioese-beschneidungen-von-jungen-verboten/

  56. Great post, Trish 8) There are two important things I’d like to add:

    First off, “orgasm” is merely a *term*β€”and this term is highly overrated. When it comes to sexual activities, the important thing is what you *feel*, *what* you experienceβ€”not how you call your experience. The question “Did I/you cum… and if so, how often?” is virtually insignificant. What matters is *not* whether your experience is anything you might call “orgasm”, or how often/long those are. What matters *is*, by contrast, the pleasure you feel, the fun you have, the fulfillment there is, the comfort, the excitement, the intimacy, the curiosity, the tension and the release of tensionβ€”And probably 100 additional things which are more important than wondering whether you “make it” or not.

    Secondly, and somehow related to the first point: many people misuse sex, and orgasm in particular, as a kind of ego-boosterβ€”for themselves, and often for their partner as well. That’s a real shame. If you do so, it keeps your focus away from the really yummy things, and it keeps your focus away from the present moment. If your ego relies on “achieving” orgasm, it becomes a *goal* to do “achieve” itβ€”with all the problems associated with that attitude.

    It gets particular bad if you start actively putting on a show to “prove” that you are having a great orgasm, and to convince your partner and/or yourself of it. I’m not even talking about the classical fake orgasms here. I’m talking about real, but exaggerated orgasms. I’m talking about orgasms that are deemed not shiny enough. The basic problem is similar to the problem with totally faking orgasms/pleasure, though: Your behavior is not an expression of what you feel, but instead, you start acting to some degree. And that is wrong.

    When sexually aroused, only do what you truly feel like. Don’t put on a show, neither for yourself nor for a partner. Don’t act. Instead, express your feelings in your movements, sounds etc. Express the pleasure which actually is there. The best way to do so is to hand control over to your bodyβ€”Your body/soul knows what you feel, and it knows what you truly want to express. Your conscious mind might tend to judge your body’s expression as insufficient, as not doing justice to this amount of pleasure. Acknowledge the fact that your mind says that, but don’t listen to itβ€”Otherwise, you’ll probably end up acting in an instant. Whatever your body does to express what you are feeling is good. If it makes you move and moan only little (or even not at all), it is perfect. You *know* how much pleasure you feelβ€”so you don’t need to affirm it to yourself, right? It is perfectly possible that, even though you *are* experiencing tremendous pleasure, there is not much happening on the surface. And that’s fine. If what happens feels good to you, and is a true expression of what you feel in this very moment, it’s great, it’s perfect.

    Okay, if that happens while you are with a partner, your behavior may look pretty unspectacular at first glance, maybe even somewhat “boring”. In case your partner considers it boring, odds are s/he is moron. If you feel good, and if you truly express yourself in your behavior, anyone who cares about you *will* like it this way. And if the chemistry is right, s/he may even get a sense of what you feel. Quiet pleasures may be subtleβ€”but they can be very sexy, they can even be outright magnificent. They only need to be genuine.

  57. “Wow! Ima start reading smut books!!” …is what my comment was going to be, until I read Mathias response..(geez, thanks for crushing the rest of us, dude). πŸ˜‰ Instead, I will simply follow with, “What he said..”

  58. Ah-so, Grasshopper… “Smut” (and porn) will never make you truly happy. πŸ™‚ Look within and find your happiness in being a whole you. THEN you can radiate that happiness toward a partner and experience amazing bliss. (Was that too self-help aisle at the bookstore??? πŸ™‚ )

    Thanks for leaving a comment, guys!!

  59. Ah, that’s a complicated topic. In short: I strongly support your decision to avoid smutβ€”but not *every* sexually explicit material *is* smut. [Note: Although I’m preaching here, I’ve not yet managed to get entirely rid of porn myself. I’m working on it, though πŸ™‚ ).

    You mention booksβ€”Now, I’ve no first-hand experience with erotic literature, but I imagine there may be quite a lot of books out there which focus on moods and feelings in a tasteful and sensual way (that’s what I call “erotica”). And there actually *is* video material of a similar kindβ€”The most notable site I know of is linked on the AW main page: http://www.arousedwoman.com/store-film-video.html

    I think reading/watching erotic (not pornographic!) material is perfectly fine in general. It can be inspiring, pleasurable, even outright insightful. The rule of thumb is: As long as you keep sexually explicit material separate from pleasuring yourself, you’re doing fine. If they start to mix both, you’ve gotten on a slippery slope.

    A short explanation: When I’m watching erotica, I do not combine it with physical stimulation of my own body. Instead, I focus on the experience of the person(s) I’m watching. I try to tune in to *their* experience. I imagine what they might be feeling. I empathize with them. I respect them as persons in their own right. And I respect their experience as *theirs*β€”I do not fantasize about entering the scene or something. I do not masturbate while watching, and I do not even feel like doing so.

    By contrast, porn to me is merely wanking material. I use it almost exclusively as a tool when jerking off. And it works entirely different from erotica: I do not try to imagine what the actors might be feeling or something, but I use what they’re doing as a kind of template to add visual stimulation to the physical stimulation. Basically, I imagine I was in the male actor’s place, fucking the actress.

    I think this is the main purpose of porn. E.g. it strikes me that in porn, the actresses usually look into the *camera* on a regular basisβ€”whereas in erotica, the partners make eye contact with their *each other*. The latter conveys a sense of intimacy, of connection between these two persons. The former, by contrast, creates a connection between the actress and the *viewer*. This makes it easier for the viewer to fantasize about fucking her himself.

    Btw: Watching erotica *can* be very pleasurable. If I can tune in to a person’s pleasure really well, I feel a physical resonance in own bodyβ€”I may get tingly all over, or even start twitching around somewhat πŸ˜€

    And it may happen that some time (half an hour or an hour) *after* watching erotica, I feel like giving myself some quality timeβ€”Not because I’d gotten so horny from watching, but because I’m still truly aroused. And: If I decide to wank, I do not think about what I watched before. If I do so, it is *my* quality time, and my own pleasure, which I keep apart from what I just watched (although this erotic material may have set the mood πŸ˜‰ )

  60. Thanks for this entry, using what I’ve learned from here, and learning to appreciate the whole actions used to get to the orgasm apex, I felt the best O I ever had with my wife! I can’t wait to figure out more and enjoy sex even more!

  61. Jason,

    That is AMAZING!!! And I’m so happy! THIS is exactly my raison d’etre for this blog. Orgasm has a whole new meaning when we strip away the preconceived notions with which our sexual/sensual identities have been sabotaged by media, culture, and religion. Adopting a “non-attachment” philosophy opens up our awareness of sensations we might never have noticed before because we we’re waiting for the Big Bang of the ending.

    I’m so glad you’ve been able to get some benefit from my posts and others’ comments. Feel free to comment on any post here, especially if you have a question about something I’ve written. πŸ™‚ Your journey is just beginning, and I HOPE you’ll let me know how it goes for you!!

    Take care!!
    trish

  62. As for the last paragraph of this post: I fully support your ideaβ€”but I’d like to phrase it in a stricter way:
    Guys, when you are in bed with a women, you should have an *intrinsic* desire to pleasure herβ€”as an end in itself(!). You should have an *intrinsic* desire to get to know her, to discover her body, her attitudes etc. If that is *not* the case, odds are you should *not* engage in sexual activities with her at the moment. (Of course, the same applies for partner sex in general, regardless of gender πŸ˜‰ )

    The thought of men engaging in “foreplay” with the *main goal* to get her partner “ready” for intercourse really pains me πŸ™

    As for porn etc: It is important to make a sharp distinction between fantasies and real life. It’s perfectly fine to *fantasize* about things you’d never even *want* to do in reality. Fantasies only become a problem if you *neglect* reality in their favorβ€”if you prefer watching porn to discovering your real-life desires in general.

    Sure, some people *do* so. But I think, watching porn usually is a *symptom* of an issue, not a *cause* of it. I believe, anyone who has a mostly healthy sex drive *will not want* to watch porn all the time. And those who *do* so, usually suffer from deeper problems, which they can’t solve simply by abstaining from porn.

  63. Screw “50 Shades of Grey!” This is where it’s at! Yum yum πŸ˜‰

  64. Hubby is a successful OM-er. I taught him how I get off and he attempted and it freaking *worked*! Still does…. Obviously. Thank GAWD.

  65. OM-ing myself, even without pulling the hood back, has been absolutely amazing in making me spontaneously orgasmic. I cannot even imagine what it will feel like when a dude gets under my hood. πŸ˜›

    t

  66. When I was in my late teens I was very interested in women’s bodies (obviously!) but not just for ogling, I wanted to give pleasure, that was more important to me than my own, maybe it was just my ego so that I could think “look what I can do” but I really enjoyed participating and watching my partners getting off. I could lay there for hours gently learning how she likes it.Just my 2 cents on “what’s in it for men?”
    Now that I’m more “in touch” with myself through what I’ve learnt with practising KSMO it’s all about me!
    p

  67. Well, um…. P, the point of my post was that women are turning to OM so that *they* can orgasm during sex. πŸ™‚ Upwards of 75% of women have never orgasmed during sex, and I am one of those. So when a woman is brave enough to approach her partner and ask him to OM with her, to help *her* awaken her orgasmic capability that is within her, the woman certainly doesn’t want to hear that sex is all about the guy. πŸ™‚ And the guy needs to know what he will get out of it, especially since (American) men are trained to think in terms of how doing something will benefit *them*, not necessarily doing something just to be nice. OM has been a crucial find for me, and for a lot of women. KSMO, while wonderful, is a different thing. πŸ™‚

  68. Thank you for your bravery to write about your rape experience. I too was date raped when I had my first sexual encounter. I was molested at the age of 12 by my mom’s drug dealer and it took me a long time to heal and realize not all men or penises are bad. I’m sad to say that those weren’t my last sexual assault encounters. It was only a couple months ago my friend asked me if I wanted to hang out with him. I agreed. He assaulted me and almost ripped my gym shorts off of me. Luckily I have been running and I have strong legs because I threw him off of me with them.

  69. Sunny,

    Thank you so much for taking the time to write a comment, especially on a topic a sensitive and painful as rape. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through, but I am SO GLAD you are able to fend off the assholes now. πŸ™‚ I’m here if you EVER need to talk, yell, cry, scream, vent. Whatever! More power to YOU!

    trish

  70. Oops, yep, missed your point!
    I must admit, didn’t watch the vid (low speed internet where I’m at). Looks like I’m gonna have a good look at this OM thing!
    p

  71. No worries, P, I know you’re out in the wilds of yonder continent. πŸ™‚ The video really is amazing — to hear men talk about partnered sex and how doing OM transformed them individually as men and also as better partners in their relationship. That’s a key benefit with OM that KSMO still lacks, in my opinion, is how to incorporate the practice fully with a partner. With OM, you start with a partner and grow in the practice with your partner. There’s no solo work or “secrecy” so there’s no jealousy, in that regard; you work together and grow together — very awesome stuff, IMHO… P.S. Wouldn’t mind if you put a roo pic for your avi. πŸ˜€

  72. I have the crystal wand, in fact, I have the original one and their later ‘deluxe’ version. I took a look at a pic of your one, it looks great, I really like the shapes on the ends, if I didn’t already have two I’d be buying this as well! My so-called deluxe has that cool bulbous thing, but the rest is very very thin, so harder to keep in place for hands-free. (I think it might double for anal but I’ve not gone that far cos once it’s used for that I can’t use it for ‘regular’ anymore.
    My original wand (I think this was the first one ever on the market way back when) – the classic S shape one you mention – I need to explore it again, esp after your descriptions here about getting up into the anterior wall…. Personally I think you’ve got a keeper and don’t need those other ones.
    I also agree with you I’d like longer handles!

  73. Hey, Deva!

    I love the idea of being hands’ free… but so far haven’t found a toy I can keep in. I think my muscles are too used to pushing out with the prostate — I NEVER squeeze up and in on purpose. If my body does that, then that’s her doing. πŸ˜€

    Also, you can use any vaginal toy anally — that feels good for you — IF you use a condom on the toy during anal play. And I would give it a good wash off as well. And crystal/glass toys can definitely be boiled to sterilize if you feel that strongly. Follow the manufacturer’s instructions on how to clean it.

    Thanks for leaving a comment!

    trish

  74. Hey Trish!

    (yeh, finally commenting, haha)

    The crystal wands, are, I think, acrylic, not sure if they’re boilable. Would love to know! But condom seems like a good idea.

    It’s interesting you write about pushing out – that’s obviously a good tip for female prostate joy! I’m in the process of getting my PF fit sexually fit again, and I’m making sure that there’s the slight pushing out, and also complete relaxation after the PF squeeze. I can really see how important it is to train the muscles to push out!

  75. Wow. I had no idea it got this crazy…. I’m so sorry that your strength to speak out on something so deeply personal was turned against you in this manner. You wrote that post like days ago too, smh. I feel like I have to apologize since he follows me and found you through me.

    P.S. You’re awesome πŸ™‚

  76. It’s very easy to tell if a woman’s faking it a lot of the time because there are involuntary micro movements of the body that just aren’t present if a woman is attempting to fake it. I can attest to the fact that with some types of orgasms a woman will lose control over what she does plus her speech. I can only be grateful for the fact that God blessed me with a fare amount of physical strength so that I could avoid keeping both of us from being seriously injured while providing my girlfriend Cunnilingus on more than one occasion. That kicking out thing you mention in your post was something she was prone to do when she hit the big, β€œOh!” So once there, while still providing the oral stimulation that she was going crazy over, in order to help her say in full climax until her orgasm had past, I would hold her feet so that I wouldn’t wind up with a concussion and she wouldn’t need a walker should she accidently kick me in the head and break a toe or something. Awesome Post!
    Rock On!
    Brian

  77. Your posts are always great for a stimulating read ^.^ Looove the pictures!

  78. The last time I shorn my scrotum…let’s just say…well…I’m not supposed to have a menstruation…that was scary fuckin bad!

  79. Hey,

    Being comfortable with my body is still a daily thing — especially with all the negative body image garbage we see in our culture, religion, etc. But then I try to remember, this is my body. And I can’t send negative energy to my body because that directly affects me. My body is far from society’s ideal of what is perfect, but she is mine. πŸ™‚ Love yourself. πŸ™‚

    Take care,
    trish

  80. This is a great post – there is so much to the breast nerves-clitoral connection that you never would want to sever. And your pictures, by he way, show that you have become more and more beautiful with age.

  81. I fully agree with what you are saying. My Motto is :Ladies First. If she has not orgasmed at least once, I need to work more to find out how to please her. I do not get pleasure on my own, it is the two of us together that gives me pleasure. I will start reading along, I may learn something.

  82. Okay, where to begin? Not being intimately familiar with the equipment, I’m confused by a lot of the terminology and reference to physiological reactions in your blogs. For example, I don’t understand “Sparkles”. I don’t get the connection of the clitoris to the prostate either. My best guess is that you have a finger in both sides of your body?
    Perhaps this blog is simply intended for ladies. Well and good if this is so. Please pardon my ignorance but that’s just it: I’m ignorant. I might not be able to fully appreciate the blog but I love the layout of this site and the pictures you post here. Your site feels like a very comfortable place and I thank you for it, ma’am.

  83. Hey, Daniel!

    Thanks so much for posting a reply. You bring up an excellent point, which is why I greatly value the Replies left by my readers!

    As I’ve gone on this journey for the past year, some situations and reactions have been similar while others have been wildly different. I’ve created my own short code in some instances, and my own terms because terms for what I experience don’t exist — mainly because women’s sexuality has not been valued enough to devote time and research as academia and science have with men’s sexuality.

    My shorthand then is to not bore my regular readers with “same ol’, same ol'” info. But I realize that new readers need some background into, so I link through to previous posts, especially on anatomy and posts that document big revelations in my sexual awakening.

    But you have inspired me to create a “Start Here” post so that newbies can catch up quickly. Maybe even a Trish’s Glossary. πŸ™‚

    I can’t guarantee that I”ll get to it today, but I WILL. πŸ™‚ Promise. Until then, feel free to have a look around. Start with either the archives: http://arousedwomanblog.com/2012/02/ … or for my Orgasm Journal, start with the DailyOJ thread: http://arousedwomanblog.com/category/dailyoj/page/3/ –> scroll to the bottom and read up.

    Hope that helps. And be on the look out for the Glossary and the Start Here pages.

    THANK YOU!!!!
    trish

  84. Trish,

    I am embarrassed to admit that although I have known about this post for a while, this is my first time actually reading it. Perhaps I thought it would be a trigger, or perhaps I was subconsciously playing into the ingrained belief that society forces on us to just look away. I sincerely hope the latter isn’t why, but am just trying to take an honest look at myself. I have read it now and would like to say THANK YOU FOR BEING SO BRAVE. Your bravery is infectious and has spread to me and can/will spread to other women. I know that you were re-victimized by someone on twitter for writing this post, which is exactly what women are afraid of when contemplating opening up. This has to stop! It is time that rape culture ends.

    I also want you to know how profoundly moved and amazed I am by everything you are doing with social media and this site. What you wrote in the last three paragraphs of this article articulates so well the frustrations I feel about where we are placed in society. Educating and talking about this is such an important step in moving forward and out of oppression. As common as rape is, there is no excuse for how taboo the topic is. Women and men alike need to educate each other on the realities of sexual violence and I am so proud, motivated by, and empowered by you for being such a loud and strong voice.

    Thank you so much Trish. Knowing you are out there doing what you’re doing in regards to women’s rights has helped a lot for me to not feel alone during a recent traumatic event. Don’t let anyone every bully you into stopping.

  85. Thank you for replying. I didn’t expect such a quick response. Have a good one.

    Sent from my iPad

  86. Trish, I love your blog. Your openness about women’s sexuality is liberating and beautiful. You are doing such wonderful work for women by writing this.

    Your message is powerful. Women are beautiful. Sexuality is empowering.

    Thank you so much for everything you do and write every day.

    <3

  87. Thank you immensely for this. I come from a family where EVERY SINGLE WOMAN I am related to is at least a natural D cup. I have been chastised and ridiculed from both men and women, and especially those from my family for my “smaller than average” breasts. And it’s only been made worse since losing a ton of weight (thanks to stress) and breastfeeding. I’m now lucky to be considered an A and ALWAYS wear super padded bras, so people don’t think I’m a 12 year old boy. Having very small breasts breaks me every single day. My husband has state many times that finding my body attractive in it’s current state (underweight-not by choice-and smaller breasts than when we met). With every picture I see and every woman I pass on the streets, I feel inferior. I no longer feel like a woman and would get implants in a second if I wasn’t allergic to silicone. For my own sake, I wish the breast obsession would just stop. I hate feeling like shit everyday. No matter how hard I try to accept myself, someone is always there with a remark or disgusted look. I just want to feel like a “real” woman for once. Thank you for your push to ask both genders to accept what’s natural.

  88. something probably silly – since I rediscovered my body and sex (I’m 60+ and single again after 30 years) I noticed that my arms are shorter than usual. I cannot reach places that I see other women do online (deep reaching with fingers in vagina and certainly not ‘from behind’). If I were that way inclined I would also not be able to insert a finger in my rectum – just to give you an idea about my wingspan.

  89. Trish

    thank you for a very compelling reply to a question that many men struggle with. from the time we are young, we are conditioned to believe that we should not feel any sexual feelings toward other men or else you were considered a homosexual male. i never could understand that belief as i have always thought that the human body in all it’s form was not only beautiful, but erotic naturally and very arousing on many levels.

    As Trish has mentioned, the male form does have an appeal to not only women, but men as well. Even if it is reduced to being appreciated by art critics, or other such people one would think should appreciate the male form, the male form of the human body does have not only this level of appeal, but also a wide spectrum of appeal to both males and females of our species. We have evolved to be attracted to other humans for sexual activity and that is not exclusive to being attracted to only one sex or the other. humanity survives on this chemistry though purely homosexual relationships of course produce no off-spring, it is no less valid of a product of millions of years of growth as a species.

    Question everything you believe and don’t be afraid of what answers you may find! the journey will amaze you!

    cheers!

  90. here is another thought.. when you watch porn, do you really NOT notice the man in the scene, or men? do you not find them arousing in some aspect?

    something to think about

  91. Hey, JMD & Andanteinc!

    Thanks for leaving a couple of comments. Reader feedback is always appreciated.

    Andanteinc sounds young to me, so I’m glad he’s asking questions and contemplating sexuality rather than just drinking the KoolAid of media, culture, and the oh so icky industry of porn.

    Andanteinc – I sure hope you keep asking questions and maintain a life of wonder and pursuing knowledge. Most men would not care to ask what the woman feels and why. As a woman, I greatly appreciate you taking the time to ask questions about women’s perspective toward sex and sex partners. Feel free to ask me anything any time. I value your opinion and respect your quest for knowledge immensely.

    Thank you!
    trish

  92. Thank YOU!!! πŸ™‚ It has been very powerful for me to go through this journey to being whole, and I’m glad my readers are getting something out of it as well. πŸ™‚

    Feel free to comment on any post. Getting the female (and male) perspective is the only way women and men will ever truly come together sans media, culture, religious bullshit.

    MUAH! xoxo
    trish

  93. Trish, another excellent response! thank you for this forum to learn and explore sexuality

  94. I sound young? Hmm. Given that I’ve just done the early retirement thing, I hope that may be taken as a compliment in some way.

    It is true, that I can find men attractive, in an aesthetic sense – a well weathered face, a good physique, hands that have known labour and/or craft, a certain worldly wisdom in the eyes, gentlemanly graces – but not arousing at all. Thud. Clunk. Nada. But, that being said, I’m now thinking “ugly” was a poor choice of words.

    Thank you for the responses Trish and JMD. They were enlightening. My life has indeed been about pursuing knowledge and asking questions, which does require a certain, exceedingly bountiful, vulnerability.

    PS. The guitar shown in my thumbnail is mine – a seriously hot rodded Ibanez Artcore. Music has been my passion since I was a child; followed closely by green-eyed redheads, beginning when all of those delicious hormones kicked in!

  95. Andanteinc,

    Hey! So glad you made your way over here … to my “real” blog. πŸ™‚

    And yes, your quasi-aversion to the male form while loving the female form was something I’d expect from a 20-something male. And this is a perfect example of how one person can view a word, i.e., ugly, in one sense, and someone else take it in a different light. Plus, the “black & white” of text online hinders communication cues we would notice if we were face to face.

    I love your description (in your reply) of what you can consider attractive but not necessarily arousing. Society, media, and culture have brainwashed people into craving youth culture and bodies with no marks, lines, or wrinkles – i.e., an unrealistically “perfect” body” – when it is the elders we should be listening to. I was overweight or a long time. I’ve had a child. My body is most definitely “lived in.” Having just turned 40, I feel I’m on the cusp between the whippersnappers and those in the prime of life…. though I cannot wait to be a cranky curmudgeon down the road!!!

    And if you like redheads, you’ve definitely come to the right place! πŸ™‚ xoxo

    trish

  96. “Perfect”, I do not believe, is why or what we love. In fact, the opposite is true. When we truly love it is the ever unfolding, “lived in” story that is the lasting and ever deepening attraction. When I kiss the scars on my Beloved’s body, I am embracing a part of that which makes her truly unique in all of Time and Existence. And she has chosen to share that with me. And that is pretty freakin’ awesome . . .

    AiC

  97. OMG! Why aren’t there more men like you in the world that I can cast into love slave-itude in my male harem?! πŸ™‚

    I’ve written about body image a few times, mainly from my interactions on Twitter >> A friend had this amazing thing to say about stretch marks: MyTweets & Comments 08-16-12: Hippy, Free Love & Stretch Marks … and the next day… MyTweets & Comments 08-17-12: Body Image, Stretch Marks, & Self-Hate … and I have some interesting anecdotes from my recent photoshoot that I did ON my 40th birthday, that I will be writing up.

    The more I think about it right now, I clearly need to write another post on this. I feel emotions rising to the surface just thinking about all this.

    So please keep reading and KEEP POSTING COMMENTS!!! πŸ™‚ Thank you! xoxo

    trish

  98. I totally feel the same way as you about still feeling like your body is 19, even though it isn’t. I have the same problem, so looking in the mirror and not seeing the image of myself from my head is hard… Thanks for posting so many great things that remind that sexy is a state of mind and not a number size!

  99. well done Trish! coming to terms with our bodies is one of the most difficult things to do as cultural, especially you women, are brainwashed into a mold that men only like one body type and conformity to that will end all your self issues as men will flock to you… well, you may not want all men to do that. natural selection gives rise to variety and variety is what gives humanity is wonderful flavours of body types to select from! that needs to be celebrated, not ignored!

    congratulations on a wonderful present to yourself – YOU!

  100. Thank you for all the work you put into it. Much of it is very helpful, some other ideas don’t really apply to Western Europe and some things don’t work language wise.

    About my school: I work in a public school with newly arrived young immigrants to Germany, but I hear similar stories from “normal” secondary schools, too. The influence of religion is quite mixed, I’d say 1/3 of students is not religious at all, 1/3 is some kind of Christians (but so far none of those fundamentalists you have in the US) and 1/3 are Muslims, half of them strict. Now and then, we also have Buddhists and Hinduists, but they seem rather relaxed in sexual matters.

    What always confuses me is, that it is socially and peer-group accepted to have heterosexual sexual intercourse (except for Muslim girls), and even homosexuality seems to be less of a problem then the matter of masturbation, which in this age probably 99% of boys and 50%+ of girls do. Is it the same in the US?

  101. Thanks for mentioning my blog, ArousedWoman(TM). Please know that my brief distinction on how I view the differences between porn and erotica was just to illustrate the point but stick to the main topic of the post. I am, in fact, working on a longer post on this very subject.

    I’ve never seen β€œOffice Space,” so I don’t know what that is. πŸ™‚ But I alternate using β€œorgasm(s)” and β€œO’s” because using the same word repeatedly makes the word stale and loses its punch. Changing up the terms keeps the writing more fluid.

    As for my O’s face, I’ve never posted what I look like during orgasm πŸ™‚ , but I have written a nifty guide to help men (and women) understand the physiological changes that occur when a woman orgasms for the various kinds of female orgasm: The Face of Orgasm: Is Your Woman Faking Orgasms or Not?

    Hope that clears it up. And feel free to leave a comment on any post that moves you. πŸ™‚

    Thank you!
    trish

  102. The notion that sex was only for reproduction is an important problem even nowadays. And in modern times, this notion often persists on an unconscious level. So, it is often difficult to tackle (similar to remnants of homophobia).

    Then again, if someone thinks sex was only for reproduction, that would lead to a condemnation not only of solo sex, but of homosexuality and oral/anal sex, as well. So, if these things are mostly accepted among your pupils, the notion “sex is for reproduction only” can’t be main problem. In this case, there must be some other issue, something that applies specifically to solo sex.

    My guess is that quite a number of your pupils might misuse sex as a tool to boost their egos. Sadly, many people perceive sexuality as something to prove their “worth”, or as a means to build self-esteem. Those people often strive after “achieving” things to boast aboutβ€”such as “being good in bed”, “giving” lots of orgasms to their partner and the like.

    The crucial point is that in solo sex, there is no “honor” to gain. You can’t prove anything in solo sex. You can’t impress anyone. You can’t boast about being a “great lover” afterwards. I fear that many people nowadays consider solo sex a kind of losers’ activity. (Although I think that quite the opposite is true)

    Do you think that attitude might be a reason for your pupils’ condemnation of solo sex?

  103. A great post πŸ˜€

    There is one thing I don’t subscribe to, though: The recommendation to leave sooner rather than later.

    Jhon, I agree that you should question if you really want to be with this partner anymore. And you should keep asking yourself this question. If the situation gets too bad, it would be better to leave, of course. But how much is “too bad” depends on several factiors. It depends on the odds that your partner might change her attitude in the time to come, it depends on how important she is for you, etc.

    I agree that this behaviour is immature. I agree that your partner still needs to grow up in this respect. (Hey: Each and every one of us still needs to grow up in some respect or other πŸ˜‰ ) And it is true that you can’t change your partner. But you can assist her. You can’t make her grow u β€” but you can help her realize and overcome her problems. Your partner will only change if she truly wants to, sure. But perhaps, you can inspire her. Be honest, be understanding and set a good example. Be positive about your sexual identity, and show this attitude to the world. Be confident, be yourself β€” and maybe, your partner will realize that bisexuality is not a bad thing at all πŸ˜‰

    Plus, I’d like to add one idea to the jealousy issue. It seems that some people assume bisexual persons needed to have relationships to both men and women to feel sexually fulfilled. In their notion, a bisexual person with “only” one partner has to miss out on one part of her/his sexuality. So, these people assume bisexuals were particularly prone to looking for an “additional” partner (a partner of the opposite sex than the one they already have).

    Could it be that your partner fears you might have some desires that she just cannot meet? If so, she might fear that you would start an affair with a man sooner or later most certainly β€” simply to have these desires met.

  104. Hey, Mathias!

    Thanks for making that point about bisexuals NOT needing to be with BOTH genders to be fulfilled or even “bona fide” bi. If a person feels as if he or she identifies as bisexual, that person can choose to take on that “label” if he or she chooses. I prefer “human being,” but that’s just me. πŸ™‚

    But, I stand by what I said, and I do think Jhon needs out of this toxic relationship sooner than later. He’s already put in the time and effort and she’s still controlling (and sabotaging) the relationship. Every minute you spend being miserable is a minute you could have spent being happy. Since you can’t change the past, the present and the future are the only things you have any say-so in.

    CHOOSE HAPPINESS! πŸ˜€

    trish

  105. Well, ya coulda TOLD ME you were in Germany! πŸ˜€

    That is very important information… especially since I am not familiar with the Euro attitudes toward masturbation. I would have assumed the Euro take on self love would be as open and accepting as their view on sex in general. I have a friend in Germany who is in his mid-20’s and might be more in tune with the Euro, teen mindset.

    Regardless of culture, religion, or language, sex and masturbation are normal wants, needs, and functions of the human body. Approach the subject as normal and everyday as cooking or taking Algebra. Most especially, reassure them there is NO SHAME in self love. It is their body, and they are in control of their body. Anything other than body autonomy is someone else asserting outside domination on their psyche as well as their body and self-esteem.

    trish

  106. Before I came out our relationship was amazing. It’s the first time I ever felt connected with someone that went beyond physical attraction. I only came out because I felt so comfortable with her. After I told her she asked if I was seeing any men. Ever since then she keeps asking about it, if I wanted to be with a guy. I dunno I wish I had never told her at this point.

  107. I understand why you’re wanting to back-peddle, however, living a half-truth can be as excruciating as living a lie. The problem is NOT WITH YOU. The problem in the relationship is now squarely on HER shoulders. Either she can adjust and accept you or you need to move on. If you stay in this one-sided relationship, don’t complain later about how miserable you are.

    trish

  108. Waves,
    Just a short comment … to point out the emphasis should probably be that a happy together straight couple don’t go looking elsewhere (that’s the understandable context for a straight person), so why expect a happily together with someone bi person to go looking elsewhere? Just a thought. If I was trying to reassure someone in that situation that’s probably a good angle to start with.
    After that? It’s communication and figuring out the exact detail of the worries, then hopefully finding ways of calming them down one by one.
    Communication (as you seem to have realised) can become a bit of problem when you hit a ‘biggie’ in a relationship. Going on about it all the time won’t help, neither does ignoring it. A bit of space is needed, a bit of skilful timing and a pinch of luck perhaps.
    Hope it works out for you both. (And for the record, I’d tend to agree, denying a basic part of yourself to keep a relationship going might be heroic in theory, but tends to lead to pain in practise).

  109. Trish, I’m curious about nipples (well, aren’t we all?!) My wife has always been a very strongly sexual woman with amazing orgasms. She did not believe me when I told her when we first started going out in grad school that hers were the strongest I’ve ever known a woman to have. That being said, her nipples have always been, well, a zero for her. She likes that I like them (and I do take good care of them πŸ™‚ and it is pleasant for here but they have never, ever been connected to her clitoris in anyway.

    Is that unusual?? I have been with women before (many, many moons ago!) that could orgasm from just touching the nipples gently. I have tried almost everything I could think of to gently stimulate them but to no avail. I DO NOT pressure her in anyway and am very comfortable with the way things are . I only wish they gave her more pleasure. Funny, enough, mine are so sensitive that it seems to make up for it!

    Any thoughts??

  110. Hey, Cole!

    Thanks so much for leaving a comment. πŸ™‚ Do I have any thoughts on this? OF COURSE, I DO! πŸ™‚ So much so, I’m going to use this GREAT question as an AskTrish post, if you don’t mind. Just let me know.

    Thank YOU! xoxo
    trish

  111. While I appreciate that a bisexual person might have to forego intimate relationships with a whole group of people for the sake of a romantic and sexual relationship, I cannot keep from thinking about what would be the maximum loving response from the partner of a bisexual person. If I were in a relationship with a bisexual woman, I could not tell her that she had to forego intimacy with an entire group of people (other women) for my sake, especially since there is no way I could provide to her the kind of sexual experience that another woman can. To do otherwise would be to ask her to deny her nature. And I don’t think I would have any feelings of jealousy about it as long as my relationship her wasn’t adversely affected.

  112. I realize that making a commitment in a relationship is important and that in some cases a bisexual person might need to forego sexual relationships with one group of individuals for the sake of a relationship with one individual. Still, I can’t keep from wondering what the loving response is in the case of the partner who is not bisexual. If it were me and I was in a relationship with a bisexual woman, I don’t think I could tell her to deny herself relationships and experiences with other women: experiences I could never provide her. That would seem unloving to me. But maybe that’s just me. I’m rarely jealous or feel threatened emotionally or sexually.

  113. I have to wonder as well… is the problem because it’s the MAN who’s the bisexual??? We’re so used to seeing lesbian or even bisexual women in TV and movies, and they’re standard fair for skin mags’ fantasy fodder. I’d bet a lot of men almost WISH their GF’s/wives were bisexual to fulfill that porn/skin mag fetish for themselves. But we do not see “Average Joe” gay men (i.e., non-flamboyant) or bisexual men represented in our culture’s media and entertainment. When people don’t see it in their entertainment, it is harder for them to adjust to it in “real life.” Sad to say, but I think that’s true.

  114. I think you are right that it’s more acceptable societally for bisexual relationships among women than men and that’s because of the fantasy factor men have about it. The only thing I can say about it is that women having sex together has never a subject of sexual fantasy for me. I don’t get why men like it and when I have heard their reasons for finding it arousing, I often found them offensive. So my comment is not coming from that place.

  115. You may have found their discussion “offensive” because of the manner in which men talk of such things. With the lesbian fantasy, men can be quite crude. Just as men can be horribly cruel when expressing their disgust for homosexuals and homosexual (gay male) sex. I’m not saying women can’t be harsh when discussing something they don’t like, but when women talk about sex (that they do like), it is not in the same manner as men do.

  116. You’re right about the “Average Joe” men not being out for all to see.

    I’ve been blogging now since 2006 and there are very few such as myself who are “out and proud” bisexual men who blog (and I’m not talking about the ones who put on porn on their blogs for the sake of having porn = readers/hits).

    There are very few websites/support groups for bisexuals (non-porn). You have to do a lot of Goggle (or other type of) searches to find them.

    It’s one reason why I, and it’s not that often unfortunately because there is not much content to write about, try to promote and get folks to understand bisexuals particularly us guys. And of course fight the with-in LGBT community prejudice of those who say “there’s no such thing as a bisexual”, at least when it comes to men which I believe is why most bi-men stay in rather than kicking the closet door open. After all who wants to get dumped on by gay men (use to hear that song & dance in the 70’s & 80’s until I finally didn’t give a crap anymore about what anyone said … after all it was their loss for a night of bliss), it’s easier to pretend to be gay and then straight with women, unless you can find another bi-partner or open minded straight gal.

    Sad to say just about the only place you can “see” bi-guys (or at least doing the sexual act) is on porn sites.

    Of course you have black men “on the down low” but I think that’s an altogether different subculture than being a bisexual man.

    Because I don’t come anywhere close to being the “limp wrist” type when folks do find out I’m bisexual it’s like “okay close your mouth before you start collecting flies”.

  117. I’ve had my rant about “labels” more than a few times on Twitter. πŸ™‚ I’ve also gotten on my soap-box about the in-fighting within rights groups that serve nothing except to create hierarchy within the label/faction, which ultimately only helps the oppressor stay in charge. I’ve seen the bitching in EVERY group I’ve ever been a part of from women’s rights, witch/pagan groups, LGBT, American Indian rights, human rights — even why I’m a Humanist not a Feminist… It ALWAYS comes down to who’s “real” (by blood, skin tone, etc.) and who’s a “wannabe.” And when that isn’t enough, it becomes a subjective clash of “Who’s suffered more” contest. Human beings deserve to be treated with equality not judgment and not discriminated against by legislation based on fear and archaic superstitions.

    THIS IS EXACTLY why I’m trying to get my radio show & the forum going! gofundme.com/aw-radio-forum To have a platform for more active discussion! πŸ™‚

  118. As a man, I have often felt simultaneously horrified, ashamed, and outraged at the many violent ways that members of my gender have treated women across a wide spectrum of interactions. I find sexual violence and intimidation particularly horrifying and infuriating. I am very sorry for all the monstrous ways men have treated you. These men are criminals in my view deserving of severe punishment.

    It’s a bit difficult to switch from the feeling of outrage to my feelings about women and their breasts, but here goes. I don’t have a size or firmness preference at all. In my case, if I care for the woman romantically, then her breasts are fetching to me regardless of their size or relative firmness. While I am capable of being attracted before the onset of romantic feelings, it also remains true that desirability often follows my heart.

  119. Trish, I totally support your call to “choose happiness” πŸ˜€

    But: Being happy is not always the same thing as choosing the easy way.

    In this case, if your current partner is important to you, I understand that you are willing to spend quite a lot of time and effort in order to maintain your relationship with her.
    Now: Ask yourself how much time and effort you are willing to spend. Ask yourself honestly what your limits are. And if/when those limits have been reached, you should actually leaveβ€”and in this case, you should not wait too long until you draw this conclusion πŸ™

    Unlike Trish, I don’t know anything about the background. So I can’t give you any more specific advice than this: Decide where your personal limit is, and if/when that limit has been reached, remember that your priority is yourself. Your priority is your own life. It is not your “task” to to “save” this relationship. A relationship is not an end in itselfβ€”Its only a reason for existence is serving all of the persons involved.

  120. Btw: As for self-labeling: I consider myself “mostly straight” πŸ˜€

  121. Just as women are “brainwashed” as to what makes the perfect body from advertising to porn, so to are men, be they straight, gay or bi and from the same avenues as mentioned for women.

    As the old saying goes “it’s not the size of the wave but the motion in the ocean” is what men need to remember.

    Okay so there are I’m sure “size queens” in the world of women just as there are with gay and bi-men, but what always made me (of average size) a successful lover regardless of sexual orientation (straight, gay, bi or transwoman) of those I was having sex with at the time was to put them first and my self second.

    Learning a woman’s body and where the pleasure points are and what “to use” are more important than how you size up to the occassion. I stopped comparing my penis size to others in the lockerroom and worrying about it in 7th grade.

    I’ve learned over these many years by taking care of her/him first, when it does come around to my turn, those fireworks you often hear about when women achieve the ultimate climax, go as high if not higher and often with encore curtain calls.

    For men the need to know their own body is as important as knowing your current partner’s … then you’ll be able to experiance and know the difference between orgasm and ejaculation. And I’ll guarantee you’ll experiance “pleasure” as you’ve never experianced it before.

    We put enough pressures on ourselves in day to day life, the last place we need to have that pressure follow is into the bedroom (or whereever you “do it”).

    So relax, enjoy and take care of your lover first, the rewards for yourself can be endless.

    And definitely worth an “oh my God” cigarette afterward.

    PS : … and don’t be afraid to have fun during sex (don’t make it work) .. it can be a great icebreaker with new lovers .. you’ll be laughing and giggling together not at one another.

  122. ON A SIDE NOTE to the previous comment: Smoking is very bad for the person smoking and even more so for the people who wind up breathing the poisonous gases created by the burning cigarette. ArousedWoman(TM) nor I condone smoking in any way.

    trish

  123. Good response, Trish. I have never heard a woman complain that a man’s penis is too small, but I have heard them complain about them being too big. I also liked what you said about the importance of satisfying a woman orally. I don’t know why many men are squeamish about it or don’t put heart & soul into it when they do it. I think it’s sexy as hell! I sometimes think that many of these men are insecure and think that if they are in the position of giving to a woman sexually, then they have somehow lost control. Bad sex often results from fragile and inflexible egos.

  124. Think of the other meaning of binder, bind, bound, to restrict. There may be other misogynistic references in his speech for sure. (I can’t watch too much American politics, does my head in!)

  125. I don’t know what the laws are like in your state, but in many states child custody is decided on bases that have nothing to do w/ a parent’s social life unless it can be shown that the parent’s significant other constitutes a real risk to the well being of a child. If you have an attorney, you might want to ask her or him about the standards in your state.

    You are positively tantric about orgasms. That’s fantastic.

  126. Thank you for another amazing post. It is truly inspiring to read about your awakening and subsequent journey, something with which resonates with my own journey into the pleasures of prostate stimulation and Aneros use.

    I can totally empathise with your feelings of disappointment, and hitting a plateau on your orgasmic journey. But I have no doubt this is just a pitstop whilst your body and mind rewires and is able to process these new blissful feelings. It’s really fantastic just how far you have gotten thus far though.

    At present I have really good sessions that can last hours but always feel that I’m not going “over-the-top” so to speak, into a bliss like Super-O state. For a long time I went into a session with high expectations and finished disappointed. The guys on the Aneros forum taught me that I should leave my expectations at the door and just let go, to let it come to you, and this coupled with a clearer mind from regular yoga and meditation has served me very well. My prostate is tingling just thinking about it :).

    With a bit of luck you will be able to move on with your life soon, find someone who you can share all your wonderful experiences with and get some much deserved emotional fulfilment.

    Thanks

    CJ

  127. Very clear and strong initial response and follow-ups Trish, and a great resulting discussion!! I am 65, happily hetero-married for 43 years and father of two wonderful mature sons. I identify as “functionally bisexual” and proud of having had a very positive and enlightening gay relationship from age 17 to 19+. I have remained platonic friends with my male partner then and we enjoy his visits with us.

    He found he was/is gay and had a noble long-term gay partnership until his partner died. I found that I enjoyed our gay sex until some of it became “same old same old…” and have never regretted that sexual adventure. I also found that I do not need gay sex physically, even while enjoying male aesthetics/energies in parallel with my enjoyment of female aesthetics/energies.

    That was not my first experience with a different approach to male eroticism. In the last of three summers spent at an all boys summer camp, my prostate gland called out to me, and I silently solo answered with my finger. It did not suggest it had anything to do with other boys there.

    It did have me explore it much further in the privacy of my bedroom back home as I found a wide range of objects with which to massage my prostate, which induced astounding after-effects that I called Intellectual Orgasms!! And of course my masturbation had a big boost as well!!

    Later in life I found the amazing energies of an awakened prostate with Taoist energies sexual kung fu and qigong. These I shared with my wife and this was a significant enhancement to our sex life.

    About 15 years later I found the Aneros prostate massagers and the joyous, generous, inclusive community of men (and increasing numbers of women!!) of all orientations sharing the vast wonders of the fully awakened prostate and the full spectrum of orgasmic energies. They pointed me to the equally amazing Key Sound Multiple Orgasms site and program, where I again found a similar mixed community of great sharing and mutuality in care and love.

    So many men and women, in the tens or hundreds of thousands at each of these and other related sites are freely discussing and supportively developing their sexuality and energies orgasmic capacities in open whole being communities where the distinctions of who you partner with matter little and your character matters more freely and fully than ever before.

    Thanks so much Trish and all the respondents above. There is a new dawn of eroticism and whole health orgasmic energetics rising above the horizon now. All the Best All!!!

  128. Thank you very much, was amazing to hear this and I will try it from now on. The beginning area on the vagina was a hard point to get around due to girth and tightness. Have you ever had this situation in your personal love life? If so what was some positions or situations that couldn’t be done?

  129. Hey, N.!

    Glad I could help. πŸ™‚ As I said in the article, any positions that keep her legs together will squeeze in on the vagina, probably causing her discomfort. Any position with woman-on-top will also cause pain unless she keeps her legs under her so SHE controls how far and how quickly she slides down on you. Rear entry on all fours can be difficult, especially with a petite partner whose legs may not be able to spread wider than yours — again, legs-together positions aren’t going to feel good for her. But a rear entry version of the spoon may be doable to accommodate a long penis. With both a long and wide penis, if you’re the kind of guy who likes to hold the woman’s hips and thrust wildly, you may need a new partner.

    You might discover that your sex life is actually controlled by the female — what’s good for her, how it’s good for her, when it’s good for her, etc. Wild, crazy sex just isn’t in the cards for you, dearie. But you seem to be in a place in your life where you’re seeking deeper meaning in a partnership, so I actually think you’re on the right track.

    Be patient and be in the moment. Every moment. πŸ™‚
    trish

  130. excellent article! well written and explained! i am not ‘extra’ large, but do understand how different each position is for my partner! taking the time to prepare is critical! and fun!

  131. To quote N., “….we have intercourse roughly once or twice a week…..”
    Have you tried being gentle? Rough sex is not for everyone ya know!

  132. Pete: Okay, now… I know you’re an Aussie with a dry wit, so for my other readers, N. never said he likes rough sex. πŸ˜› If he did, I don’t think he would be this caring about his partner to find ways to make sex feel good for her.

    Even slow sex with a large/wide penis can hurt without the proper warm-up phase.

    N.: Remember, that if she now has it in her mind that sex “might” hurt, she will subconsciously tense up. Meditation and relaxation may play a crucial role in resolving this for both of you.

    trish

  133. “I’ll get off my soap box because I know your intention is not to sound like a misogynist jerk. Your language is indicative of living in an oppressive patriarchal culture while your heart and spirit desperately want validation and freedom from that very oppression.”

    Trish, thank you for responding to my questions! i appreciate your candor and understand from what i wrote how you could arrive at your ideas. i do want to be free from that oppression and lack words to really describe what is felt.

    we have discussed the reality that both of us are able at anytime to find a sexual partner and that i in particular had no illusions that a situation like that may arise while i am away, so i figured be open about it and let her know that i am not threatened by any path she may choose and discuss things openly. it gave her a great deal of peace knowing that even if nothing happens, she does not have to be afraid of how i may react as i am well aware that her ‘cheating’ could have happened anyhow so any opportunity i can find to release guilt and shame in others, i take!

    communication is vital to any relationship, and we do that very well! i am glad to know that how i think about these things is not abnormal!

    thanks again!

  134. Ahh you know me too well Trish. Anyway, great reply to N’s question, you’re a treasure trove of facts and sexy goodness!
    FWIW, my tip is the warm up phase is never done until you’re told to giddy up, until then just keep on lickin’!

    Keep up the great work Trish.

  135. Your write above: “The non-poly people don’t understand how two people in a committed relationship can be with others outside the relationship and not get jealous. Getting jealous is just not something in the make-up of polyamorous folks. ”

    I don’t disagree with you, but I want to run an argument by you that I once read against polyamorous relationships. It goes like this: What drives the interest in polyamorous relationships is sexual desire. What militates against such relationships is jealousy. So it’s the difference between a desire and an emotion. But desires are episodic and easily sated. Emotions are not as much. Emotions can be more enduring than desires and it can take considerable time to assuage wounded emotions. Therefore, it’s better for the sake of love to deny polyamorous sexual desire because the emotion of jealousy is more enduring and fragile.

    Now it seems to me (I’m guessing here, I admit) that your answer is that some people just are not inclined to feel jealousy. If so, then I think that’s a fine response to the argument above. But it raises a question in my mind. Why are some people beset by jealousy and others not at all? Is it really because they have thoroughly questioned and got beyond our culture’s patriarchal assumptions? Or is it something else? Perhaps a level of personal security and self worth that jealous people lack?

  136. Thank you for your insight. My daughter has been talking about have a reduction after her last child and I will share this page with her. I am particularly concerned with the statement you made about severing of the nerves, etc. I suppose a doctor would disclose all of the downsides of such a procedure.

  137. The idea that women are the only ones fed a line of profiteering bull$#!t that would be bad if followed/clung to is something I have a problem with. They’ll say/sell anything to anyone for a buck… I mean, think about the pharmaceutical industry. I admit the whole “beauty” thing is a bit more onerous on a personal level than anything we males have to deal with – but, in the end, if you follow it to the point of self-mutilation… that’s sort of on you.

    As somebody who has spent a lot of time looking at depictions of unclad women, I can say without reservation that natural breasts are *much* more widely seen/appreciated today than they were 12 years ago… a man who wanted to see images of nude women was kind of stuck with what was in the mainstream, or skin mags, or porn… and most of it was fake and blonde. Natural was like a “niche” or something (wincing as I type), requiring great effort to locate. With the advent of the internet, men have had the opportunity to sit and quietly contemplate women of all ages, shapes, and colors, and there has been a very significant broadening of the palette. The effects have leeched into the mainstream, too.

    As far as implants go – it’s an illusion… looks swell under clothing, but… when a male reaches the age where he begins to deal with reality, not just illusion – things become rather obvious. Fake breasts? Beach balls stuffed under the skin? Unmoving, unyielding, rubbery… scarring, loss of sensation, *loss of functionality*….. ?? Placed alongside the real thing, most _men_ come around pretty quickly.

    Of course, with regard to the mainstream, while it’s broadened… I can’t really speak to makeup ads, or fashion, or the whole celebrity worship thing… my guess is a lot of women see that stuff and believe that it’s somehow real (i.e. not just a ruse constructed to get you to buy something) – and that’s a bad idea for anyone.

  138. Well done Trish, great post and great thoughts. For me, “natural is good” be that hair, breasts or any other bits and pieces. Vive la dfference!

  139. Fantasy *lowering* your arousal makes a lot of sense to me. Even a sexual fantasy *does* distract you from the here and know, after all (i.e. from your physical stimulation):-(

    Have you ever tried fantasizing about your Dream Man when, in reality, you were *not* doing any *physical* stimulation? In that case, you could focus your awareness entirely *on this fantasy*.

    I for one did glide into sexual fantasies a few times when I was trying to fall asleep. Some of those events were… well: quite stimulating and memorable πŸ˜€

  140. Addendum: Since I posted the above comment I have now learned that it was my late mother’s decision that I be circumcised, and I therefore conclude that I would have most likely been circumcised even if I had been born in Ireland. I am not sure if my father was also circumcised. I have a strong suspicion that he was not.

  141. Think this is a wonderful idea . . . when/where will the collages be available? Are you still taking submissions?

  142. Hey, Berk!

    Thanks so much! And I “thought” I was done, but a couple of submissions have recently crossed the threshold of my email inbox, so PLEASE submit if you’d like to! But quickly. πŸ™‚ Just follow the guidelines above.

    Thank YOU!
    trish

  143. Some great points there Trish. I for one had no idea of the realms of orgasm I could experience when one day I asked myself why can’t I have those powerful multiple orgasms my wife has? I mean I’m pretty sure we are the same species, just a different gender.
    So after a few years of experimenting and searching I came across a protocol that challenged every belief I had about my sexual self. After many months of suspending my expectations and dispensing any preconceived ideas about how this may happen I was blessed with the most powerful sexual experience of my life.

  144. I have moved away from that so-called “protocol” for reasons I will detail in an upcoming post. But I agree, more men should be open to experimenting with their bodies and owning their sexuality free from the shame and judgment of society, religion, and culture.

    trish

  145. Oooh my. I loved this. I wish more men my age were uncut! Boy, what I have missed.

  146. This is wonderful! As a mother of a WHOLE boy I deeply thank you for your work. I have heard many mothers worry that their sons will be sexually unappealing as uncut men, and that seems to have some gravity as a pro-circ argument, which breaks my heart. These penises are beautiful and I hope that the women and men who view them will cease to foster the foolish assumption that uncut men are unclean or unattractive! Thanks again.

    In solidarity to protect little boys from this harmful procedure,

    Chelsea

  147. I agree that the idea of “fucking the shit” out of someone is disturbing. I really just don’t understand how that became a “thing”. And emotion during sex turns me on. πŸ™‚

  148. I don’t know how I missed your call for submissions on Facebook… I will happily provide another model to support your promotion of the whole penis, if you have need of another. I think the only thing detracting from your work is the quality of the photographs. Keep up the good work! Infant circumcision is a human rights violation and should have been abolished in 1995 when Female Genital Mutilation was universally banned.

  149. Thank you for this amazingly considerate and informative response! I’m a woman and some of this was news to me! But now I know how to more thoughtfully keep this dialogue going with my husband. I am so happy I found this page!

  150. hummm…. I have been with a NA lover (not cherokee) and yea… it was good. He was wild, at everything he did… not just sex. He was both uninhibited and uncut…. a good combination!

  151. I really think my Dream Man will be American Indian, or at least, part Indian… probably a mix of Indian and Irish… and will make my life a living hell … in a good way. πŸ™‚ There’s something about NDN and Irish/Scottish men, especially in the United States, they are dare-devils — it’s like they live by the motto, “A life lived in fear is a life half-lived.” The histories of the American Indian as well as the Irish/Scottish are very similar in that they suffered genocide and cultural and spiritual oppression from the same enemy. Seems Indian and Irish men share a similar “Fuck, I don’t care about authority!” attitude that I can really appreciate. πŸ™‚

    t

  152. Hey, Loren!

    Thanks so much! Believe me, I’ve been there, and I’m so glad you found my page, too. I started this for me and for women, but men have really taken to it — which is good since we have to sleep with them! πŸ™‚ Feel free to pose a question for an AskTrish post. The series is new, but I would love to take questions from women — about anything sexual, sensual, and just being a woman!

    trish

  153. Hey, Tee-Jay!

    Actually, I didn’t post it on Facebook because I’ve been more on Twitter — with the POTUS election and the War on Women, et al. Also because of the nature of my work, I didn’t want to get banned from FB because I still use it for my day job, which is covering Broadway theatre. πŸ™‚

    I would LOVE to do a professionally shot series of pics, but I’m grateful the men offered these photos. Now that we have this first set of collages out, men will know what I’m looking for and I think the next series will be even better! Feel free to send me any pics of yourself. Just read the submissions criteria, and email me at ArousedWoman (at) gmail (dot) com. I’ll keep them in my stash.

    And there’s the AW Forum, too, if you’d like to join us in a little rant every now and then.

    Take care!
    trish

  154. Hey, Brad!

    Awesome! I’m slightly nervous about venturing out into the world of partnered sex again simply because I am emotional — VERY emotional. Not just the crying after orgasm, but passionate and intense. I know I’ll scare the poor guy. πŸ™‚

    Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment!
    trish

  155. Absolutely! My site views exploded today, so this is CLEARLY an important topic. I will definitely keep up the intactivism!

    Don’t forget, I have the AW forum as well, so feel free to make a profile and join in the activist (and sexy!) talk there.

    trish

  156. Haha! I don’t know how old you are, but if you’re over 40, there’s a whole generation of 20- and 30-somethings LOOKING for Cougars! πŸ™‚ I know I’ve got my eye on a couple of them. Mee-wow!

    And to find a wide assortment of uncut men, you might need to make a trip to Down Under. And if you do, lemme know so I can go Aussie man-hunting with you!

    trish

  157. If you read the story I relayed on the Submissions post, the very idea that a 24 year-old guy would consider circumcision at his age because of being ridiculed is absolutely heinous to me — that society is so twisted in its stupid rituals that are not religious but just routine at this point, is simply crazy.

    These men were wonderfully accommodating in sharing their beautiful bodies. Likewise, we can’t shame the CUT guys because they were mutilated — they didn’t have a voice — which is why it is important for people like us to speak up and share this info.

    Thank you, Chelsea!!
    trish

  158. Trish… I had NO idea that you were an intactivist!! We have met a few times in the theatre community years ago when my sister and I were big into it. You know Kaylyn better than you know me, Kaylyn, Taylor, Leanne, and Teresa =) I have a 2 year old (tomorrow on the 8th) son who was circumcised =( Why we did it…..I couldnt even tell you. Not because he needed to “look like daddy” cause daddy is NOT cut! I was one of the mothers who left the decision up to my husband because “I did not have a penis.” He asked around at work and to friends whether or not their sons where done and we just did it… my DEEPEST regret as his mother as I feel I failed him in the WORST possible way! Needless to say I found resourses like The Whole Network, Saving Our Sons, Intact America: to name a few and found out the TRUTH about circumcision. I knew deep down in my gut I was doing something wrong and didnt listen until we got home after the procedure and saw the bloody MUTILATED mess in my sons diaper. ( I am balling just typing this) He has since had the skin “grow back” if you would. He had fluid build up around his penis on the incision site which we had to have drained every other day and once it finally stopped filling up it left a HORRIBLE and qutie large scar as his forskin. I am reminded of this mistake everytime I change his diaper and the only thing I can do is pray everyday that when he can understand what happened that he can forgive me for what was done and what was taken from him. He may not remember what happened but I will ALWAYS remember and I tell him everyday how sorry Mommy is for hurting him when he is lying asleep in my chest. I just needed 1 just ONE person to tell me that it was wrong and to research it then my son would not have been cut.

    Thank you for speaking out against this mutilating and barbaric practice
    Sincerly, Taryn

  159. I’m working on restoring my foreskin. Hopefully I’ll be ready for the next picture shoot!

  160. Great article! You are so right. I can’t even imagine my wife being able to have an orgasm without some twiddling of her nipples. Sometimes she has orgasms just from doing that. Also, women should love their breasts–no matter what size or shape. The majority of men don’t like overly perfect, fake looking, cookie-cutter breasts. I’ve always loved all types of breasts. They can be big, small, flat, big nipple, inverted nipple, big aeola, small aeola–they are all BEAUTIFUL!

  161. It is also possible that if the man is circumcised that his lack of foreskin may be drying the vulva, and the keratinization of the glans presents an abrasive surface to the woman’s internal tissues; so, copious lubrication is a good place to start. However, if our famed hostess’ advice proves insufficient, there is an alternative: Foreskin Restoration is a bit of a misnomer, but, by stretching the remaining shaft-skin to grow and cover the glans when at rest, the keratinization that developed as a result of circumcision is generally softened by returning the head of the penis to be the internal organ it was designed to be. Some reading may be illustrative, specifically “Sex As Nature Intended It” by Kristen O’Hara… The good news is that it may not be your size that is the problem, but the shape left by the surgeon, and that may be a bitter pill; I’m sorry.

  162. Did a little shooting today… Looks good, but, I have some more creative ideas. πŸ™‚ Cheers.

  163. Dear Taryn,
    Do not fret, what’s done is done, please do not dwell on his circumcision as he grows up as he may begin to think he is less of a man because of it.
    He will be fine.
    Many circumcised men have gone on to enjoy a full and happy life and those who haven’t probably don’t have the lack of a foreskin to blame.
    I have been the owner of a circumcised penis for over 45 years and have never really considered myself handicapped by the loss of that little piece of skin.
    Circumcision is no longer routinely practised in Australia these days and not that I’ve had any children, I believe that some doctors are reticent to perform a circumcision shortly after birth even for medical reasons, so I guess we’re leading America in something. Yay!
    This culture in America of guys comparing their penises I don’t think extends to this country either, but I was no sporting hero or “Jock” as you refer to such types so I didn’t hang around the locker rooms looking at other boys dicks.
    If you sons circumcision remains your deepest regret I think he will grow up to be a wonderful man.
    All the best,
    Pete

    Please feel free to edit my response Trish, as you know, I’m just the average bloke, I wont be offended if you think it needs tidying up. Thanks.

  164. Good post. I am not sure about asking a woman about the size of her sex toy BEFORE you have sex with her for the first time. That might come off a little strange and be a turn off. I’d rather have her see my penis the first time and then tell me if it will or will not work for her.

  165. Wow. Don’t trip on your male ego, there! I know men want women to be awestruck and amazed at their penis, but trust me, a little communication ahead of time is ALWAYS in order. πŸ™‚

    trish

  166. Thank you so very much! This blog has become my #1 passion — after chocolate and orgasms. And it’s growing faster than I can keep up — especially with the AskTrish posts… but I’m trying! Feel free to leave a comment on any post that moves you.

    Take care!
    trish

  167. I have to say, you have your priorities in order if chocolate and orgasms are rated higher than blogging. Lol
    And I clearly will continue to comment, though I know you are busy and won’t expect a reply to each one. Thanks for writing!

  168. Many men have a hard time orgasming during intercourse. They may be able to get off with oral sex or masturbation. And when those men find that an orgasm may be approaching during intercourse they may really work at making that happen by hard fucking. He does not want to lose his erection or the increased arousal taking place.On the other hand, if the man knows he can orgasm during intercourse, many will try to prolong this with slow or measured thrusting or grinding. As we all know by now an orgasm is a mental event and is result of a choice.

    It is very clear to me, in my experiences, that women enjoy the whole drawn out process including extensive foreplay, the dirty talk, variety of positions and the man’s ability to reach her “hot” points. Fast hard fucking can be a problem then. Having said that as I approach orgasm I want to increase the pace and, if not controlled by me, I will be really trying to ram it home to the very end as I cum.

    Since I have become multi-orgasmic the game changes for the better. I am absolutely positive that i will have many orgasms ahead of me in this one session and I can really concentrate on the entire process, rather that having a fear I may not orgasm at all and need oral sex. I practice the teachings of the Kama Sutra which, in large part but not totally, involves a lot of slow romantic movements. Hard fucking can be part of it, but not the focus. But if the woman asks for it… do it! Give her what ever she wants. Your job, as the man, is to serve her pleasures. I do not mean be her servant, I mean tune in and do your job as a lover.

    The nicest thing about being multi-orgasmic is that you do not need to concentrate on having an orgasm. This is going to happen whether you like it or not. You can concentrate on her rather that yourself.

    Obviously most if not all men would like to be multi-orgasmic. In the wrong way I tried for years to develop this but failed. The most I was able to accomplish was edging. Not multi-orgasmic but at least extending the time I can function without the curtain falling orgasm. I beleive that a large majority of men can be MMO but it is not easy. You have to re-wire your brain… no not surgery etc., but rather super concentration on what is going on in your body and getting the brain to associate that as a pleasure point that is recalled later. Google this and you will see several options. I personally think that the prostate massager route is very effective.

    As usual I digress and got off topic. As usual I have to apologize.

  169. All though iv never had any complaints,I’m concerned about my size, I’m 6ft 230lbs average build when I look at penis or grab a hold of it,it seems small to me. It’s definitely small flaccid turtle head most of the time,but when erect it if I measured it right its 7in long and 4 3/4 in in girth just wondering how I measure up. Thank you

  170. For sure i want a bigger penis, but even more than that I want my foreskin back. When I tend to my bisexual side I want uncut as well.

  171. I am strongly against birth control abortion, but I have never understood why the term abortion is used in cases like this. When a pregnancy threatens the life of the mother that isn’t an abortion. Yes the child dies but not in the same way a birth control child is killed. I’ve long thought we should take cases like this out of the abortion-sphere. it counter productive to both sides. Victims of nature aren’t the same as abortive mothers. Thanks for sharing this story, I hadn’t heard of it before now.

  172. Of course, I remember you, Taryn! πŸ™‚ It’s SO GOOD to hear from you! πŸ™‚

    First, you can’t blame yourself because you were not given proper information about the dangers of circumcision or that we live in a society still governed by Puritanical religion that seeks to destroy sexuality to this very day. One of the main reasons circ is prescribed in the Abrahamic religions is to numb the genitals and make sex less pleasurable. Which is AWFUL since every human being has a right to happiness… even in our secular society, I think I remember reading that somewhere… we have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of… something… πŸ˜›

    Second, as he gets older, look into options about restoring the foreskin. It’s not a perfect science nor will it “put back” the 15,000-20,000 nerve endings that were severed. BUT foreskin restoration DOES seem to improve the texture of the scar tissue (so his future partners won’t have to suffer painful sex, or bleeding, etc.) and the stretched skin will protect the glans so that it doesn’t become so desensitized (which leads to men having to have hard, friction sex to ejac, which can be very painful or just annoying for the woman).

    I HOPE you will join the AW Forum so we can talk about this more. I have a Discussion area just on circumcision — and other human rights and sexuality topics as well: ArousedWoman Forum.

    PLEASE feel free to comment on anything you find here on the blog, and I super hope you’ll join the Forum!

    trish

  173. I agree with you somewhat. Saying things like ” your big fat cock feels so good” or similar things like that jut makes the whole thing seem fake. Sex is organic, natural, and people need to let their bodies do the talking and quit trying to force some preconceived notion they got from watching porn that that kind of talk is a turn on.

  174. As a man, I would like to say that, for me personally, “talking dirty” (or loud screaming) is a distraction that usually makes me limp. However, as a satirical comment, I would submit that most women are so passive in the bedroom that it may be that there are some men who would prefer a woman to “talk dirty” as an alternative to a “dead fuck.” On this note, these men may reason that “talking dirty” is a reasonable request supposing, as they probably do, that “talking” is what women tend to enjoy most.

  175. I’m not into talking dirty. But I hardly think that it’s a vast improvement to replace Puritanism about the sexual body with Puritanism about sexual speech.

  176. Trish–loved reading your article.

    The older I get, the more and more I am fascinated by women and their views of the world. When a woman lets me into her mind and I get to know her I lose all potentially judgmental views of her anatomy. When I fall in love with her mind I almost automatically love everything else about her.

    Even when we are not likely to make love, because we are both with others, she senses my appreciation of her and responds. She begins to carry herself like my yoga instructor. Her voice changes. She smiles more often, and sometimes whispers a confidence she might not have shared with just anyone.

    Of course, depending on her history, she may be more cautious even when we have made a loving but respectful contact–mind to mind. But, one is not just trying to apply a technique that somehow directs another toward specific conscious and non-conscious responses. It’s an approach to interacting that tends to allow mutual and nonjudgmental respect to develop.

    I like it and thought I might tell you about it. It’s probably not unique and you could likely tell me of similar approaches. Your essay caused me to think more about this.

  177. One single thing to put blame on …. porn. Unfortunaltely far too many see porn and believe “that’s the way it is”. Pity them as they have no idea how to make love and satisfying themselves nor the one their making love with be it M on W, M on M or W on W.

  178. As a follow-up to my previous satirical comment, I have to ask whether you consider all “dirty talk” to be objectionable, or only some types of “dirty talk”? For example, I consider it quite a turn-on for a woman to say something like, “I can’t wait to taste you” or “You feel good in my mouth” or “Mmmmm…..you feel so good inside me.” On the other hand, a woman screaming “Fuck me, fuck me, yes, fuck me harder” isn’t really a turn-on (it’s more of a distraction” and something as simple as being approached in a bar and asked “How would you like to take me home and tear off a piece of ass” is just a little too trashy for my tastes. So, what exactly do you consider to be objectionable “dirty talk”?

  179. I can see a follow-up post is needed. πŸ™‚

    Let me get through my day-job writing deadlines (which will drive me insane this weekend), and I’ll follow-up with all the comments… particularly the one in which I was accused of being Puritanical… I spent years researching the Witch Trials of Europe and Salem, and I assure everyone here, I am in no way Puritanical.

  180. Writing deadlines? Weekend? Winter? Going insane? Now look what you’ve done….you’ve made me go dig out my old VHS of “The Shining”!

  181. ive seen your blog link on the aneros forum and i kind of flew over this entry. im neither a doctor nor a specialist, but i have been interested in this topic before and did some research on different sources. my conclusion is that you are right by saying that female ejaculate is not urine, BUT if you are talking about squirting i have to add this: fem. ejaculation works hand in hand with losing control of the bladder, which means that orgasm cramps push urine out, whilst the ejaculate is pushed out too. so most of the fluid will be urine.
    please correct me if i got sth wrong

  182. Yes, you’re wrong.

    “Squirting” is a crass term for female ejaculation. As I say frequently, if the bladder is emptied before sex, then the fluid expelled from the urethra is going to be prostate fluid (because the bladder is empty of urine).

    However, some people may have a urination fetish and purposely release urine, but this is NOT what I’m speaking about when I use the term “female ejaculation,” which is the release of prostatic fluid.

    trish

  183. I would please like to hear from women who like uncircumcised penis’s. What is it about the uncut penis that appeals to them. Thank you very much.

  184. Hi Trish. How could you not help but be entranced and bewitched by Red Haired Women, present company included :^{P

  185. When I was young and brave. I dated red hair woman only. I like the fire in their blood and thoughts. I did learn. Hard to keep a Red Hair happy. I like the thoughts in the blog.

  186. A great woman writer name wrote the only true and honest book on native American history. Helen Jackson wrote the book in 1890 “A century of dishonor.” She told the truth about Custer and the slaughter of a great people. Thank you for remembering a sad day in the history of the USA.

  187. Interesting topic. I’m “part” Cherokee (My sister and I are the last in my family who could have been registered with the eastern band of Cherokee; but our parents never bothered to do it).

    I don’t know if it’s the NA blood or not, but one thing is certain: if I’m “into you”, then you’re going to “know it”, and pretty much “anything goes” in the bedroom. Likewise, I find myself “most” attracted to women with reddish hair, fair complexions, and a heavier body build (i.e., what some people might call “chubby”, I simply call “perfect”!).

  188. Hmmmmmm… sounds to me like you may have some good ol’ heathen Irish/Scottish blood in your veins, too. πŸ™‚

    I hope you join the AW Forum! It’s a new community of sex-positive people (and activists). And I’ll have my big-boned Irish self in the Forum more often. πŸ˜€

    trish

  189. Red-haired woman are either intoxicating or infuriating… There doesn’t seem to be a middle ground — you either hate us or love, love, love, love us! πŸ˜€

    As for keeping a redhead happy, I can’t give you any tips on that… As a Libra Rat, I know I’ve confounded my share of men, and I wasn’t even trying to be difficult. This is the problem when you’re intelligent and hot-blooded — always want a new experience. I, myself, loathe boredom and routine, so I stay busy with too many projects to keep my mind busy and my energy used up.

    t

  190. Hey, John!

    Thanks so much for the recommendation. In fact, I have added some links at the end of the post to a few books I think make for great “Further Reading.” Thank you for inspiring that idea. πŸ™‚ Hopefully, people will check out those books to learn the American history they never got in school.

    trish

  191. A guy here. Completely know what you’re talking about. I could care less about the final moment, er…well, sort of. I much prefer everything that comes before it. I’ll often “get it up” get close and not finish. You summed it up exactly: “That is what the stealth orgasms feel like β€” they go through me, over me, under and around me, and I feel completely light as air and satisfied in a deeper sense than I’ve ever known.”

  192. Hard book to find. I got her book from the University of Michigan in 1986. I did a report on the Sand Creek massacre. I went back for more research. Someone stole the book. My wife found me a copy on e-bay. Helen Jackson book is one of my most precious book.

  193. Yes (especially the “heathen” part). Done. Big Boned? THAT image has already made me “big boned” with a wet spot. (Thank you by the way!).

  194. I lost my virginity to a redhead, it was never a dull moment I can tell you.
    I basically spent 2 years wandering around in daze wondering WTF just happened and how is it that I am to blame. Still, it was fun while it lasted.

  195. Dear Trish,

    As a male, I generally I like your writings and find it fascinating to read a woman’s point of view that is exploring her sexuality. So thank you for doing so and being so public about it here. πŸ™‚

    But I think the thing you have to remember is that just because you don’t like it and find it offensive, doesn’t mean others don’t. Anything that is consensual between two or more people is ok and their own business. Everybody really has their own set of fetishes or turn on that works for them. In addition to, as Robert Ford mentioned, there being many ways and variations that ‘dirty talking’ can occur. Which makes it a much broader type of interaction than what you are upset about in your blog post. Would you be offended if one of your partners said to you: β€œI can’t wait till we get home so I can lick every square inch of your body.” ? I consider this a form of dirty talking even though there is likely no terms in there that you would find offensive.

    I would personally never force any dirty talking upon any woman that doesn’t like it. That ruins the whole point of it. For me the idea is to express affection and arousal, in addition to building arousal and emotional bonding. But it takes a special compatibility and/or chemistry to communicate in this way, in addition to both people liking it, and finding what sort of verbal interaction is acceptable and does what I mentioned in the prior sentence.

    You are who you are, I accept that. It’s a good idea to remember to allow other people the space and respect to be who they are and want to be that are different from you. It doesn’t mean they have to be your friends or partners, but you’ll probably find you will get along with a lot more varied types of people and be more at peace within yourself.

  196. I think people ascribe all kinds of powers to people who have physical characteristics that are rare comparatively speaking. Consider the word “sinister.” It originally meant “left handed.” But because left handedness doesn’t predominate, “sinister” acquired an ominous connotation.

  197. My favorite is to tell people the origins of naughty and nice. πŸ™‚

    As a witch and pagan, people using connotations and not definitions of words is a pet peeve of mine (i.e., a witch isn’t an evil hag, and a pagan wasn’t Roman, etc.). But then, I guess it depends on who writes the dictionary you’re reading… just like history is written by the conquerors, and the history we’re taught doesn’t always tell both sides of what really happened.

    trish

  198. All I can say is wow! Thanks for sharing as I know it will probably help a lot of other people caught in the same cycles and traps. I have known lots of women who seem to hate their bodies and typically themselves for no reason that I could fathom. I will send them your way to see there is a path to love and growth. Love and Blessings! Keep up the good work, and yes I have started voting for you on the Shorty Awards and will continue so that I get all the categories covered.

  199. Impressive!!! Being of what my son and I call the Druidic persuasion, we are needless to say impressed. Very “jealous” of your trip to Pine Ridge. My son and I had hoped to get that way while Russell Means was still on this side of the veil. Hero in our Clan, lol! Held a wake at his passing. Funny, growing up in Oklahoma and being Cherokee by way of family marriage, I have had a lot of interaction with many of the indigenous tribes, yet the Lakota have been the one that has pulled at me the hardest. Fair sword collection here as well, nice Claymore you display. I will say you have one hell of a tumbler page. Just set up an account myself the other day, although nothing posted so far. OK too many coincidences. Set meet.

  200. Bless the journey you’ve been on. Being sexually abused myself, I can relate to the difficulty of a healthy sexuality. I’m happy to be following your blog.

  201. Trish,

    First, thank you for sharing! What a great revelation this is!

    I want to start with this, “Apparently, the Universe was saving this big whopper for right when I was least prepared to deal with yet another part of me that needs to be worked on.”

    I would fully disagree! You said you’ve spent an entire year in yin. You’ve learned a lot of lessons. I disagree with your statement because you think the Universe is hitting you when you’re least prepared. I think it waited until you were most prepared! You’ve had an entire year to chip away at all that negative that’s been surrounding you. You’ve had an entire year to draw in, cultivate, learn about, understand, and create love. You have learned self love. Now, you’re ready to learn to truly love others and be with others in a way that will make you full and complete. It’s a wonderful feeling to know what you already understand. There are connections to be made. You may feel scared and worried about how to make them, but knowing yourself, connecting with yourself, is the best place to start.

    “With intimacy, there isn’t exactly a projected outcome as there is with sex. The agenda of sex is lots of orgasms that lead to the climactic grande finale orgasm.”

    I have this very dilemma myself at times. I think of my dilemma as intimacy versus intensity. If I go for intense pleasure with a partner, am I loosing my connection with that partner by focusing only on the pleasure and not the person? I know how to stir orgasms in my partner quite well. I’m adapt at reading the body’s responses as well as eliciting the reaction that I want from my partner. What has been a challenge was learning my partner’s happiness. Are we feeling connected to each other? Is our sexual exploration and enjoyment enhancing our connection? Are we just going through the motions?

    I want to be intimate with my partner. I want us to feel love. I want us to feel each other. Sometimes no orgasm is involved with that. Sometimes there is touching, caressing, and other actions, but no direct sex. I too often wondered why. Why just make out? Why just cuddle? Why caress and touch, but nothing more? Then I started to realize why. I’m only with one person. This person is my life. I love this person more than anything. My lips on her lips is such a treasure. No one else will touch those lips. I will touch no other set of lips. It’s such a sacred bond between us that it is our entire being connecting to one another at the most intimate point, our lips. There is a deep communication that speaks directly to the soul without uttering a single word, but moans are most certainly involved. I’ve always loved holding hands because there is a physical bond of affection. I feel close to my partner. It’s because of this contact that I do feel open. At times I feel vulnerable, but it’s because I feel open and vulnerable that I can feel all the love that I feel. If I wasn’t open, her love wouldn’t be able to enter.

    “This emotional breakdown was another wall coming down, and yet it is another bit of knowledge I will hold myself to when time for entering a relationship. I simply cannot allow myself to go backwards. Being in charge in the sex department is too easy. I need to allow myself to be open and vulnerable… more… yin… and that freaks me out…”

    You’ve succinctly summed it up. This is it in a nutshell. Being open is a risk. It’s an invitation for those who love, but it’s also an opening for those who would attack and hate. You’ve made the best decision though. You will hold yourself for entering a relationship. Set standards! You’re worth it! Find that partner that you’re looking for. Because you’ve learned so much about yourself, you have also learned what you want and need from a partner. Now, when you find that person, you’ll feel it. You’ll know. Once you make that connection, you’ll find that all of your sexual knowledge will be joy expressed and shared. You’ll no longer feel like you’re using your techniques for an end result, but for a mutual pleasure. I have full confidence in this. You are amazingly emotional and beautiful for sharing. Please don’t stop.

  202. Great post! Intimacy is a foundation for many things when done properly. From a male perspective, much of the fear there is from experience with women who push for it as a monopoly manipulative control aspect rather than a teaming effort (this is not to say there are not males who play the same game, just stating a large male perspective). Your ex sounds bizarre from my perspective as foreplay and wetness to me are a necessity. Then again l like the symphony in its entirety, not just the final crescendo. I also know I am not typical of the male gender. The rush of emotion certainly says you are unlocking pent up “eating companions” to grok and put into proper place and balance! Lots of love and healing your way and the best of success as you embrace these experiences!

  203. I can not speak for all men but I can speak for myself. I am not scared of emotion, I care about how another person feels. If a woman cried during sex with me, I may worry I hurt her but, I would love that she is comfortable enough with me to cry and let me know a deeper part of her. I could open myself to her in a way I couldn’t before. I would be willing to be vulnerable to her, show her a deeper part of me. I would consider this a requirement of a lover, not a fuck, but a lover.

    People want to find someone they can show their whole self to. Both women and men are scared that if they show this to someone, that someone will reject them. We as people have to face rejection, we will reject people and we ourselves will be rejected.

    Once a person accepts that they will be rejected life gets easier. Not because rejection doesn’t hurt but we will be on both sides of it. I myself haven’t gotten to this point, but I know I will have to.

  204. I agree with you that there are parallels between the native American experience and the Celtic diaspora in he USA, resulting in a similar “fuck authority” attitude. But the GI Bill tamed the Irish Americans, who are now often pillars of the American ruling class. Sadly, native American men rarely get a serious education, and so they are still standing on the railroad platform when the train left 50 years ago,

    An Oklahoma woman with Choctaw and Cherokee ancestry told me that Oklahoma men born in reservation clinics are intact. This anatomical fact could undergird many perceptions in this post and its comments.

  205. Where are the trouser snakes with eyelids?

    The foreign born (that’s true of me)
    West of Salt Lake City, but not Hawaii.
    Latinos. Other descendants of post WWII immigrants.
    Native Americans born on reservations.
    Certain hyphenated communities in New York and Chicago, both cities having curiously low infant circumcision rates. Polish-Americans in Chicago, Italian-Americans in New York.
    French Canadians and Newfoundlanders. Most (but not all) men under 30 from almost anywhere in Canada or Australia.

    The British Isles.

    The English speaking people most immune to routine circumcision have been the Irish.

  206. While I agree that a goodly fraction of circumcised men have fine adult sex lives, especially before age 40 or 50, some men do feel damaged. There are women who climax easily with an intact man, and seldom with a cut man.

    What you call a “little piece of skin” is in fact the Ground Zero of male sexual sensation. Circumcision ablates the bits of the male body that are richest in nerves. The way the foreskin moves during sexual activity subtly colours the entire sexual experience of a man and his partner.

    Only 10-15% of Australian baby boys are done nowadays, mainly in specialist surgeries in the large cities.Here in New Zealand, the Crown stopped reimbursing the cost in 1969 and the practice stopped a generation ago. Australasian common sense 1, America 0!

  207. Routine circumcision is the single most controversial topic in USA paediatric medicine. It is also a major way in which sex in America differs from sex in all other advanced countries except Israel and South Korea. It is also one of the most shameful and ignorant aspects of sex in America. I grew surrounded by an ocean of circumcised men. Before going to college, I saw all of 5-6 intact boys and men in locker rooms and rest rooms. But I never heard a joke or lewd remark about the foreskin or it removal. And the boys of my youth often had swaggering filthy mouths! I have concluded that most baby boom men were cut in the maternity ward without the mother being involved in the decision. Routine infant circumcision was mostly a fait accompli. Parents did not know what to say and so said nothing to their boys. Illustrations in health and sex ed texts depicted the human penis as having no foreskin. When the family pages in American newspapers began to talk about circumcision, in the 1980s, they often had to explain what the foreskin is. To this day, tens of millions of adult Americans have never seen a foreskin in the flesh. Millions more know what a natural penis looks like only thanks to explicit imagery on the internet. Europeans find this impossibly weird. Weirdest of all is the refusal of a majority of American doctors who perform infant circumcisions, to use effective local anesthesia.

  208. Infant circumcision puts the ACLU between a rock and a hard place. If the ACLU acted as we would prefer, that would antagonise the wealthy liberal Jewish donors who are the backbone of the ACLU’s financial support. This is why it is very important to promote the notion among nonorthodox Jews that brit milah should be a free adult choice, and not something the current generation imposes on the subsequent one.

    Opinion and policy in the USA is very much determined by the well educated “chattering class” (a useful British colloquialism). The American chattering class, made up of journalists with a national readership, book authors, people who write for the New Yorker/Atlantic/Harper’s, Ivy League college professors and so on, is at least 10% Jewish. Many/most of these Jews are unaffiliated. They are not Biblical literalists. They wince at talk of Chosen People and Covenant. Sadly, American Jews find it very difficult to put circumcision behind them, even though circumcision contravenes Jewish feminism and commitment to progressive sexual values. I suspect that Jewish parents fear that Jewish young women find it offputting to encounter, when dating, a man who has been left in his natural state.

    If North American Jews whose first commitment is to progressive political and intellectual values were to make circumcision a free adult choice, that would considerably reduce the obstacles we intactivists face in much of the USA east of the continental divide.

  209. Intact American baby boomer here, thanks to being born in a European hospital to a European mother. Grew up in the middle west with a cut father and brother, and feeling extremely self-conscious. Was 20 when I first read I was healthy; 27 when I first read that the trade association of USA pediatrics did not endorse routine infant circumcision. I read my first intactivist book 30 years ago. My father went to his grave silent about this tender subject. My mother did not open up to me until after his death. I was so self-conscious about my Weird Dick that I did not lose my virginity until I was 37, to the woman I am married to.

    Hygiene of the intact penis. Requires attention, but the effort is trivial. I have watched my better half wash her vulva in the shower. That is a much more involved affair.

    Personal feelings/experiences: my story of growing up intact in the USA is here:
    http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Grew-Up-Intact-In-The-Usa/805583

    Bullying: For decades, I was scared to death of being bullied, outed, for having a Weird Dick. Somehow this never happened. I very carefully retracted my foreskin and exposed my glans before slipping out of my underwear. Nobody guessed that my trouser snake had an eyelid.

    Penetration: I think being intact encourages my preferred style of vaginal intercourse, namely start slow and shallow, very gradually build up the depth of penetration, and increase the tempo only in the last 30 seconds.

    Orgasm: I suspect that I have better orgasms than many intact men, but less intense orgasms than the sex positive women do. I also suspect that circumcision is a major reason why quite a few American adult women have trouble enjoying sex.

    Oral: I have never truly enjoyed oral, because I am not comfortable with teeth being very close to my penis. I also believe that the American obsession with fellatio is an iatrogenic response to the penis being desensitised by circumcision.

    Hand play: Is much easier and much more fun when he’s intact.

    Anal sex: have never done it and never will.

    Foreskin: For hundreds of thousands of years, women interacted with men in their natural state. It is likely that women have evolved to be very curious about foreskin, to want to play with it, to be turned on by it. It is a feminine detail in the most masculine of places. I suspect that a growing number of American women are finding that thinking about foreskin, and looking at internet images of the natural penis, turns them on. A foreskin fetish is quite harmless as fetishes go.

    Lubrication: I produce precum fairly freely. The foreskin traps my precum and spreads it around in an optimal manner. I began noticing this while at parties in college. If I talked with a girl who turned me on, and then used the john 30 minutes later, I often found that I was completely wet under the foreskin (I always retracted before peeing.)

    Erections: In the world of my youth was completely silent about how the foreskin usually vanishes when a young man grows hard.

    Sensations: most of what I feel when I pay my respects to my better half, I feel thanks to tender moving bits I would lack had I, like nearly all middle class white boys of my generation, gone under the knife at 1-2 days of age.

    Ladies, if you want to arouse an intact man, simply pump is penis skin up and down. I do not see how an intact man with no medical problem or substance abuse, can remain limp if a woman is willing to take matters in hand.

  210. A telling fact about the intactivist movement is the number of women who have posted and commented that they have been intimate with both kinds of men, and have put in the public domain what they have learned about their bodies and the bodies of their partners. There is now no doubt that if a woman is not overwhelmed by fear of and disgust with the foreskin, foreskin and its motion make for a better sexual experience. This fact alone dooms American routine infant circumcision: more and more women are seeing RIC as sex-negative. RIC has collided with a powerful social movement of our time, sex positive feminism. This blog is one of many manifestations of this movement.

  211. @Maria: While American maternity wards now are dutiful about obtaining the mother’s consent before circumcising a newborn, I agree that American medicine is unwilling to find out the truth about routine infant circumcision and its potential adverse consequences for normal adult sexuality. American medicine is also reluctant to tell the truth about what is already known about circumcision.

    The most evil thing about circumcision is that many circumcised men acquire a compulsive desire to circumcise the next generation. (This was true of my father. To shut him up, my mother had to threaten divorce.) Circumcised fathers want their sons circumcised in order to subconsciously mitigate any self-doubts the fathers may have about being circumcised. Circumcising sons also prevents fathers from being constantly reminded about their missing foreskins every time they change a diaper or give a bath.

  212. @Voss: I have been reading about the foreskin and its removal for nearly 50 years. I read my first anti-circumcision book 30 years ago, and it turned me into an intactivist.

    The country with the most intense research on human sexuality is the USA. One would think that this American research would, by now, have a fair grasp on the sexual role of the foreskin and its motion, and have a fair understanding of the benefits and drawbacks of circumcision. This is not the case, however, and I have concluded that American sexual and medical research is refusing to look for the sexual truth about circumcision, for fear of antagonising Jews and Moslems. There never has been a large sample study of the North American penis, whose remit would include the anatomical and sexual outcomes of routine infant circumcision.

    So all we have is a substantial collection of anecdotes, shared via the internet. Those anecdotes suggest that having the glans in constant contact with underwear for 40-50 years leads to a very gradual decline in the ability of the glans to experience sexual sensations. Hence circumcision promotes ED, mainly taking the form of lowering the average age of ED onset.

    The drawbacks of circumcision are very easy to ignore, because they vary widely by individual and by age of onset. Many drawbacks emerge so long after the circumcision takes place that the victim and his doctor do not suspect that circumcision is to blame for the adverse symptoms.

  213. You will get no puritanical complaints from me. Porn is ridiculous in the ways that it portrays sex. No love, no tenderness, the individuals, especially women, are nothing but appliances for meaningless and often cruel fucking. One does not care for an appliance, one uses it. Young people of both genders see this shit, and think that this is how sex is done. Thanks for the informative post. You would think that it would be common sense, but I find there is little common sense in the world of porn inspired sexuality.

    May I suggest doing similar posts on deep throating, grabbing a woman’s head and mindless thrusting during fellatio, and facials. Oh hell the list endless!

    Ran into your comment over at Moralogous. I will have to check out your blog.

    Thanks again for an informative post. The barbarians need all the help they can get.

  214. Indeed, some of us circumcised men feel that way too! What have they taken from us!

  215. Thing is, sex isn’t really a spectator sport, especially slow sex, so porn producers are just upping the ante to try and sell more. It just gets more and more ridiculous. Unfortunately young people have never had such easy access to porn and I hate to think how their perceptions and attitudes are being skewed.

    GO FORTH AND EDUCATE TRISH BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!

  216. As the unidentifed “submitter” of the two musical selections mentioned in the above OpEd article, I was quite surprised to receive such a harsh rebuff. This is especially so since I had actually been “invited” by the webmaster to participate in the forum identified above and, additionally, since I had clearly indicated that I was merely suggesting the creation of a new–more “energetic”–category of erotic music as compared to the softer “sets the mood” already created by the webmaster. On this point, I must additionally posit that the selections I mentioned as “examples” of this comparatively contrasting category are not actually the types of selections that either my wife or I would actually enjoy or want to listen to while engaged in an act of love-making. However, it IS the type of music that we would find fun and sexually suggestive during a “pre-coitus” setting whereupon we were enjoying a rare night on the town at a club, or at a party with friends. In sum, I believe it was clearly evident–especially from the titles of the selections themselves—that I was not suggesting musical selections which would have been complimentary to a one hour “stick it in and leave it there until you go limp from boredom” type of tantric sexual encounter. Similarly, common sense alone would indicate that I was not suggesting musical selections which someone might want to listen to in order to “get in the mood” for their nightly “bubble bath and candles” jilling off session.

    Now, with respect to the preconceived notions in the OpEd article regarding the sexual interests, maturity, and other characteristics of myself and my wife, I will respond by stating that we are both fully mature, professional, and well educated adults (In fact, she is an advertising copyist, an award winning fiction writer, and we BOTH have doctorate degrees). Additionally, I must point out that neither of us has any interest in “base”, hard-core porn in as much as we overwhelmingly prefer literary erotica and soft-core cerebral/psychological celluloids like “Basic Instinct” or “The Thirteenth Floor”. Furthermore, it is difficult for me, personally, to understand how someone might derive pleasure from actually hurting someone during a sexual encounter. Nonetheless, from the perspective of the “recipient”, I would have to admit that it actually feels good–depending on the mood–to have my wife handle my testicles roughly while performing fallatio on me (or when she firmly twiddles my nipples while we are having sex in the missionary position). Likewise, there are times when she desires (and requests, no, DEMANDS) a firm twiddling of her nipples while I am performing cunnilingus and, on some occasions, even a forceful penetration of her anus with one of my digits. More troublesome for me (psychologically), however, are those occasional encounters where she actually WANTS me to forcefully grab her hair and wrap it around my fist with one hand while simultaneously penetrating her vagina (from behind) with my penis and penetrating her anus with my thumb. Again, these encounters are always the result of a very demanding, very explicit, verbal request from her for a “hard physical pounding” (Ergo, the comment I made in my posting, that (at least from my wife’s perspective) “a good fuck sometimes requires a little hair pulling.”). To be sure, these occasional encounters are much more pleasurable to her than they are for me in as much as I am typically unable to fully “enjoy the moment” without worrying whether or not her responses are an actual indication of ecstatic pleasure or an indication of very undesirable pain.

    In sum, I am acually appreciative of the webmaster’s OpEd comments regarding my musical suggestions. As a result thereof, I am much more cognizant of the fact that this website is quite different from my original perception. Initially, I thought it was a place where people could openly and candidly discuss sex and eroticism without being personally, harshly–and mistakenly–judged by others. In contrast, I have now learned that this website is a place where the posting of ANY viewpoint is quite likely to be harshly critized if such (even mistakenly) conflicts with the narrow and pigion-holed mindset of the webmaster. To be sure, the webmaster’s harsh criticism (as displayed in her OpEd article above) is clearly reminiscent, in my mind, of the type of harsh criticism the Catholic Church espouses with respect to any suggestion that sex can consist of anything other than an encounter which is both spiritually unitive and conducive of procreation (i.e., you will go to hell for thinking lustful thoughts, for masturbating, for using contraception, for engaging in pre-marital sex, for engaging in extra-marital sex, or–even within context of marriage–engaging in acts of oral sex, anal sex, mutual masturbation, or coitus interruptus). To be sure, the webmaster of “Aroused Woman has simply supplanted the Catholic Church by making herself sole arbiter and social forum “executioner” of any person having a sexual viewpoint which honestly and unabashedly differs from hers.

    What do you think of me now, bitch?

  217. Oh, yes, and in response to any typographical criticism, I am fully cognizant that my response contains a few errors in as much as I did not actually proof-read it before hitting the “post comment” button or run a spell check. My bad.

  218. Thank you for reminding me of this comment πŸ™‚

    In fact, my own view of the topic has changed significantly since I wrote it last spring.

    For a long time, I refused to actually think about the results of my circumcision. I did hear about adverse effects, sure. But most of those effects, I either denied or whitewashed. For several reasons, I could not stand the idea that circumcision might be a bad thing after all.

    In September last year, I had a key experience. I realized that my body was far from being done with this surgeryβ€”even though my mind wanted to forget it.

    When I allowed myself to truly listen to my body’s feelings, I realized that there were some adverse effects that I had denied beforehand. And a few days later, I was able to actually consider even the intactivists’ arguments that I had shrugged off before.

    For a few months now, I’ve been working on dealing with the surgery and its effects. By now, I agree with many of the points that are usually made against circumcision.

    I am able to acknowledge that I have lost an important part of my sexual organs. Acknowledging this fact is difficult. The past months were a challenging time for me.

    Anyway: In sum, my view of the the topic has significantly changed since September. I will write about these changes in more detail later. I need some more time to digest my own circumcision emotionally. And I need to sort my thoughts before I can write them down.

  219. That’s a bargain. I’d love one of those. Seriously Trish, you’re not being a little over sensitive ? There is lots of advertising in this country that portrays men as utter fools, do you see us complain?
    You’re still free to buy the drill, are you concerned that the cashier may think it’s not for yourself.
    Are you any good with power tools? Because if you are, you’re looking more like the perfect woman every day. πŸ™‚

  220. I vehemently disagree What I’ve seen over the past several years is a huge influx of “feministas” working in the advertising and media industries with the resulting effect that men are now being ubiquitously portrayed as nothing more than a “clueless doofus” in movies, advertisements, and television [See, e.g., Askmen.com: Top Ten Worst Male Bashing Ads].

    Gone are the days of Ward and June Cleaver which portrayed mothers and fathers as equals–not only in their marital relationship–but also as parenting partners. No, these healthy exemplars of mutual respect and equality have long been supplanted by repetitive noxious portrayals of men as simple, moronic, clueless, and otherwise unrefined creatures who are incapable of survival without receiving guidance and direction from their all-powerful omniscient “mommy” wives or girlfriends. [E.g., Stu’s girlfriend Melissa in the β€œHangover”].

    Sure, my wife and I may disagree at times, and our marriage may not be “perfect”, but there has never been any uncertainty between us as to who’s boss: we both are. Similarly, there has never been any uncertainty between us as to who’s the smartest, or the most knowledgeable, or the most caring, or the most talented, or the most dependable, etc.: we both are. Hopefully our example will be the most important legacy we leave our children: a legacy of mutual loving respect between two people of different genders irrespective of how those genders are portrayed in the popular media. In sum, we endeavor ourselves daily to the goal of being worthy, real life, role models for our children.

  221. The Wal-Mart ad? Sure, it’s true that some women want to buy and use drills; but it’s also true that some men want to buy and wear garter belts and pantyhose. Yet, I don’t think anybody would seriously argue that lingerie companies are guilty of gender bias for not including the words “Would make a great gift for dad, or a husband, or boyfriend” in their catalogs (even if J. Edgar Hoover and Tim Curry really did find the wearing of thongs and camisoles enthralling).

    Get over it.

  222. Ugh how is marketing a certain product towards a certain gender sexist? The ad didn’t , imply men are better than women with power tools, just that men use power tools more than women. I’d have to say in general that’s probably the case, more men on average use power tools more than women. Not sexist just a marketing department who knows their target audience.

    Power to you for fixing things around the house and what not. Most people man or woman don’t do that.

  223. For those wondering, NO that is not li’l ol’ me in the pic. But she is as close as I could find to my body type and coloring with a sheet around her. πŸ™‚ In fact, her body looks so much like mine, I did a double-take when I saw the picture. If you’ll recall I did a nude-esque photoshoot for my 40th birthday… but my sheets are red… I’m one size larger than she is, and my stomach is a little larger than hers (my stomach is the bane if my existence). But for anyone wondering what I look like naked and in orgasm, this is as close as I can find… until I actually post pics of myself. πŸ™‚

    trish

  224. Thank you so much! Please give a starred rating at the top of the post. I hope I’m helping women (and men!) by documenting my journey. πŸ™‚

    Take care!
    trish

  225. Hmmm..suction cup base eh? Got any room in your laundry for layin’ down? I know, those floor tiles are so cold and hard, but stay with me on this one. So load the washer up, not too carefully, you want a bit of an imbalance going on, a half brick should do it. Don’t go straight into the spin cycle, warm up with the gentle swish swish of the delicates wash……..sorry, just my crazy mind at it again.

    BTW I hope your new friend is phthalate free, wouldn’t want you to harm yourself in the name of sex toy testing.

    If he does contain phthalates, you could call him Phthalate Phill, bit of a mouthful, but he is 2″ thick!

    Looking forward to a full road test.

    Tried any Vixen products?

  226. These are exciting topics. Though I’m a nutrition and fitness enthusiast I never really considered the relation of health and sex

  227. Oh, yes! Your sexual health is absolutely dependent upon your physical health!!! πŸ™‚ People who have problems with heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, kidney/urination problems, prostate issues, etc., have learned the hard way that the body is a sensitive creature indeed — and sexual happiness is one of the first things to be hindered by ill health, i.e., dis-ease.

    If you have any specific questions, be sure to ask via the AskTrish link. Thank you!
    trish

  228. Oh, this breaks my heart. I am so sorry this happened. Regardless of what he did to you, you are a beautiful person still deserving of love. If anyone rejected you because of the STD, he is not worth it. I know there’s someone out there who would gladly take you and love you as you are. Trish is right. I know you’re still hurting from being betrayed and uncertain of the future. A support group would be tremendously helpful, because there’s no replacement for bonding with those who can relate to your experiences. Just take it one day at a time and allow yourself to heal, with friends at your side. You will make this. And like Trish said, if you want to love again (and I think you do), love will find you. Be well, and keep looking forward!

  229. My heart is also breaking for you. Betrayal by the one you trust most in the world is never an easy thing to take. Let me assure you that if someone truly loves you, the past will not matter. Trish’s suggestion of finding someone who is in the same predicament as yourself with respect to the STD is a good one. But even if your prospective love doesn’t share that, be open and up front with him. If he truly loves you, he will accept it, and you can employ safe sex practices to avoid passing it on to him.

    I met my wife over 30 years ago. We were both Mormons at the time (not anymore, long story), and that faith places great stock in “sexual purity”. However, she had been married before, and had also had a sexual relationship while she was in the process of getting divorced. When we became engaged, she “confessed” her “transgressions” to me. But because I loved her sincerely and with all my heart, I didn’t hold that against her. I knew before we started dating that she’d been married, and dated her anyway, even though in that culture, a divorced woman is often considered “damaged goods”. I thought it was silly then, and I think it’s ridiculous now. The past does not matter, only the now and the future. A man who really loves you will understand that, and accept you just as you are.

    Best of luck to you!

  230. Reading this completely took my breath away. It was a truly vivid and evocative piece that made me come close to understanding how sex feels from the woman’s point of view. Fantastic writing, Trish!

    -Mike

  231. I’m sure I’m not the only one who got really turned on reading this. I’m going to read this during future solo sessions now. πŸ˜‰

  232. Well I’m very much looking forward to hearing about your continuing Tantric journey.

    Kudos to you.
    pete

  233. Even though you were thinking about your dream man while using Bob, I hope the blood didn’t make you remember too much about being raped. I didn’t think there was such a thing as a woman getting too wet. I enjoy a really wet woman because with a condom on it feels like I don’t have one on at all. Also when I penetrate a really wet woman before I put a condom on I always feel like I might cum too soon. I can last around 2 hours but always think that I might premature without warning.

  234. Loved the description of your experience. Astral projection has long fascinated me, though I’ve never had the privilege of having such an experience. I tried playing around with it years ago, but never seemed to get anywhere. I think I may be too attached to the world. One day, perhaps.

    Anyway, thanks for sharing this.

    -Mike

  235. First thanks for the good post. You asked for thoughts, so here are mine for what they are worth. I think you are on a good track. I never understood the ethical arguments against meat, as plants are living things as well and do not grow seeds to simply be our smorgasbord. I also firmly understand the cycle that energy moves through in the physical dimension. We are heroes so to speak of the plants for eating meat as the creatures we eat would rapidly render the earth a desert and in so doing kill themselves out as well. We move their energies on through the cycle relieving the stress on the plants. In regard to the astral projection argument, FOOD grounds. Grounding is not bad, in fact it is necessary to function effectively in this dimension. Fast if you need to bust through a new projection development or are working on a special project. It saddens me that meal time has become such a burden, although I certainly understand in your situation. I think you are hitting what people overlook in the whole food source argument. It is the source of the food, as in how raised/cultivated that is essential. The end does not justify the means, it determines it. Factory cloned plantation style production gets nutritionally weak, and sometimes harmful, bountiful results. Natural ethical production gets nutritionally strong and bountiful results. It does not lend itself to centralized monopoly control, hence its lack of popularity among the Monsanto/FDA crowd. Keep up the great work!!!

  236. I like what you have to say about Diet and Food .
    I have been on a strict turkey diet before and it was BAD ,
    There was no energy in it .
    I went back to regular meat and it felt like I had a blast of Speed.
    Our Sedinary lifestyle is what is making us fat .
    There are chemicals in meat because of the factory farms that grow it pack animals in together .they have to shoot them with antibiotics to keep them healthy in an un healthy existence.
    Humans evolved eating fruits and nuts ,Berries and the occasional meat.
    I LOVE a Steak , And Processed meat ,It is a hard habit to kick.
    I do try and it is a hard row to hoe
    I do like what you have to say about things .

  237. I experienced this a long tim ago while performing cunnilingus , she ejaculated in my face and the first thought was IKK she peed on me , I could taste the saltiness ,and realised it was something else ,
    I asked her if she had done that before ,she said when I get off I do .
    I fingered her to another orgasm and saw the release .
    I saw the comments about this here and am amazed at the misinformation that is out there .
    You are right about Religion being Misogynic , What gravels me the most is the “Value ” they put on Virginity.
    I am glad there are women like you out there spreading truth , Women should enjoy sex and there shouldn’t be reprecussions ,

  238. I have practiced this breathing technique for a long time ,The surprising thing is I never Knew about it’s yogic connection .
    I’m going to learn lots here

  239. Having lived on the Blackfeet Indian Reservation all my life I know some about Native American.
    I am a white man , Some of the Natives look more white than I do .The women like me bc, I treat them well Some say I am good lookin’ ,Eye of the Beholder I guess .
    Lots of Alcohol and Drug abuse fosters violence .
    Did you know Red hair is Viking Heritage ?
    There are two sisters that have Blonde Hair and Blue eyes ,They are Half Blackfoot ,so the Heritege doesn’t mean much with skin color .
    The hair color and Skin tone really doesn’t mean much It is what is in you heart that counts.
    Long straight hair be it red Blonde or Black is Hot to me ,
    Men are Visual Creatures and we like what we see .

    I see that there is a comment that Native American men don’t get a good Education
    The Natives that Leave the Rez ,do well for themselves .The ones that stay fall into bad habits and become stagnant.
    The ones thaty leave and come back do the same thing ,fall into destructive behavior .

  240. The women I have known are Independent ,they can think on their feet and are strong.
    Some I had to convince them of this .
    Some were shallow and weak because their significant other subjugated them .
    I find women that are genuine attractive , one that will tell me how,it is not what I want to hear.
    I also like the woman who knows her own sexuality and isn’t afraid to express it for fear propriety .
    You Trish are a light in a dark room,you keep saying what you say and keep saying it .
    Someone may learn you are right and they don’ t need to cower any more

  241. While I was in High School ,junior to Senior summer ,There was this girl that rode the bus with me.
    I occasionally talked to her never dated or any thing like that.
    The summer was over an I was riding the bus (senior year) I saw this girl again , she had grown a pair of DDs over the summer.
    She sat behind me and we started talking.
    I asked her about her summer ,she said it was painful ,Why I asked .
    She went on to explain that she grew from almost flat to DD in about 2 months.
    I was kind of embarrassed about it but curious too.
    She called them her “werewolf titties ” one full moon and bang they were there .
    She met a much older man who impregnated her and abandoned her to rais the kid on her own.

  242. I am in the process of convincing a women that women ejaculate like men do .
    I am glad you are here to offer proof .
    This woman says she has never had an orgasm,like that .
    Let me explain We have been exchanging Emails for a couple of months and this is where the conversation is . We plan to meet this summer .

    I know women can because I have seen it .

    I have to thank you again for being out there

  243. You were not asking for it. Talking about it is not “milking it for sympathy” and I too have been attacked for admitting I was raped and constantly molested by a family ‘friend’ starting at the age of 11. I wasn’t asking for it either. I wasn’t wearing anything “provocative”. I’d had no alcohol and I resent the implication that women must somehow own the blame for what happened to them. Women aren’t raped because they’re drunk. Women are raped because someone chooses to rape them. Period. End of story.

  244. Hi Trish,

    Thank you so much for sharing your own story and your thoughts on what happened in Steubenville. I found your site today and have spent the last few hours reading your posts. Please don’t ever stop speaking out against the discrimination and preventable violence in our culture. The world needs voices like yours.

    I am struck by the similarities in our thinking. If you have a moment, please check out some of the posts on my blog (for example http://mindfuller.tumblr.com/post/46151814078/words-from-a-rape-culture-survivor). It’s good to know that there are many of us trying to convey the same message.

    Keep fighting the good fight!

    Andrea

  245. Your expetience is all too much common ,
    I remember a girl from my Highschool had a “Boyfriend” that did pretty much the same thing to his girlfriend .
    He was from a rich family and nothing much happened to him.
    This was the 70s and that was kinda put under the table .
    It seems like Alcohol is involved in this all the time .
    Stubenville ,Where did they get the alcohol?
    Did they drug the girl?
    Those Boys got what they deserved .

  246. I have thick red hair (but average size breasts– usually a small B when I’m not overweight) and it absolutely astounds me the way men respond when I wear my hair down. It’s like they think I’m saying I want to have sex with them. I’m trying to get braver about wearing it down, but between men trying to pick me up and women telling me to cut it and give it away, sometimes it’s too much of a hassle. (Then again, my creepiest experience, which I’m beginning to recognize as a trusted adult in my school trying to “groom” me, happened before puberty and when my hair was almost boy-short.)

    I’m glad you’ve made a decision that works for you about your breasts. You’ve had a lot of traumatic experiences.

  247. I grew up in a “macho” family where this criminal act would’ve been considered a “free pass.” Through out my adolescence I ended up in situations where I tried to be the adult in he room and was attacked as “weak,” “scared,” or, of course, “queer.” I’m haunted by the instances where I could not protect the women and struggled for YEARS with the guilt of sexual attraction and arousal. Rape effects all of us, it hampers healthy sexuality (at the least) and often destroys lives, leading to cyclical physical/chemical abuse–in both victim AND predator. And until we disabuse boys of the notion that the sun rises and sets in their own asses, until we end “slut-shaming” we will continue to deal with the effects of our rape-culture.

  248. I read this when you first posted it, but couldn’t think of an appropriate response. I still can’t, but I want you to know that I am saddened and angered at the behavior of these “men” and I support you 100%. You’re not “milking” anything, you’re telling what happened (and shouldn’t have!), and it’s a story that needs to be told.

  249. i had the same problem about three months ago. one thing saved my game and took me to the top again: watermelon rind. try it and you will never be disappointed. whenever i sue it i go for an hour with a solid rock hard erection.

  250. Fresh watermelon or a watermelon reduction is said to be a homemade version of Viagra because of the citrulline content, which converts to arginine in the body and has a healthy effect on the heart and blood circulation, while stimulating nitric acid, which relaxes blood vessels.

    trish

  251. Thanks. πŸ™‚ For years, I couldn’t reconcile what the experience was. It wasn’t until the Steubenville case hit the media, that my experience was put into perspective, and I think, alleviated some of the shame I felt.

    trish

  252. You are only responsible for yourself, and when you’re younger, you face all sorts of challenges to living how you want to live. Speaking out and standing up on this issue is one way of healing for yourself. πŸ™‚ The men in our world NEED to hear these words from OTHER MEN.

    trish

  253. Any man who’s ever objectified a woman–guilty here–should read this. I’d like to believe those MoMos would feel the same shame I feel. But I also think EVERY girl should read this as well, should know they’re more than their anatomy–more than some idiot dickhead’s juvenile opinion.

    I’ve dated women who believed their anterior or posterior gives light to the sun and I’ve fed that foolishness. And, I’ve dated women who believed themselves deficient for the lack of either/or and I pained for my inability to counter their doubts. When I read of experiences like this, I think of my Mrs., my sisters, and my nieces and I burn with anger and embarrassment. We (men) all have our “heel,” but we can mature if we try.

    Thank you for sharing this Trish.

  254. I basically just read your whole website. Fascinating as always I also wanted to give you some (probably unnecessary) reassurance that you are making a difference, no matter how people will critique and judge. I turned 24 this year, and in the past few months I have slowly been inching my way out of every.single.pair of pants I own. 2 weeks ago I was trying to get dressed and went through every single pair. I have one pair of jeans that still fits. I felt like my soul had been crushed. I haven’t gained weight, but my body is doing that thing that women’s bodies do where I’m starting to store fat differently and my butt and thighs are just expanding and expanding. I know that this is normal, and I kind of always knew to expect it, but suddenly I was noticing girls around me ALOT more. Suddenly there was a visual difference between me and the 19 year old women on campus. I tried to look at pin-ups and all those curvy beautiful women- Marilyn, Bettie, Jean, and it helped (to a degree), but when you feel crappy about yourself, nothing REALLY helps. Long story short(ish), I read your article, “Me, My Breasts, and I,” and it brought me joy. I haven’t suffered through all that you have, but it made me feel better knowing that you went from hating your body, to truly being one and at peace with yourself. I hope that in years to come I will learn to love my hips. Until then, I’ll just have to get used to my changing size so I can stop running into things all the time!

    Also, your articles are hilarious. I love your ability to be blunt and real. I don’t know why so many people pretend that sex doesn’t exist. It’s 2013, folks, are we still really living “Behind Closed Doors” ?

  255. I was and am incredibly moved by your story. Men do not realize how much pain we subject women to by reducing them to just mere objects to be touched, groped, and fondled at out whim. Women are human beings, wonderful, deep, loving human being without which none of us would exist.

    Thank you for sharing your story! I look forward to reading more of your BLOG.

    ~An Understanding Man

  256. I’m surprised there are not more comments here. Healthy relationships–of any variety–take tending. You can lose yourself and your mate for lack of communication and over stupid fear.

  257. @Robert F. You have a doctorate but can’t take criticism without three paragraphs–over 700 words–of butt hurt? You finish this magnum “oh noes, I gots a boo-boo,” opus with a misogynistic insult and your singular, self-serving concern is with “typographic criticism”? What you need to work on is some emotional maturity.

  258. As I’ve said before, I really enjoyed it. I would love to hear a two hour show if I didn’t have homework and class to worry about the very next day. Thanks for the shout out <3

  259. I will definitely have at LEAST one AskTrish show EACH WEEK! πŸ™‚

    And THANK YOU!!! MWAH xoxo πŸ™‚
    trish

  260. Congrats Trish I’m happy for you.

  261. WILL YOU MARRY ME TRISH?

    Anyway, now you’ve stopped laughing, how do you propose to inform your future lover(s) that they are likely to be the subject of the next blog, radio broadcast or musical?

  262. Just a note for any Australian readers. In Australia, you don’t have to actually get married to enjoy all the benefits of divorce. Cohabit for six months and half the property is yours, just walk out, no reason required, and prenups are not worth the paper they’re written on. Be careful out there boys and girls!

  263. Wow, glad you got over that one quick smart. Can’t have you out of action on the relaunch of your radio career!
    As a sufferer of a mild case of tinnitus for the past 5 or so years I can say you want to steer clear of any issues with your hearing, especially in your line of work.
    Pete.

  264. Haha! You’re HIGH-larious! πŸ˜›

    As I’ve often said, “Don’t piss me off, or I’ll make you the villain in my next musical.” πŸ˜€

    And as with everything else I do, I will be absolutely up front about it. After all, if the man is scared of women’s sexuality or has any ideas about “controlling” me, my writing, or my expression of my innermost desires, then he is NO man for me.

    trish

  265. Thank you! I haven’t had ear issues in years, so this really was out of the blue. One friend on Facebook said it might have been congestion in my left ear’s eustachian tube. Either way, I’m glad it was only 48 hours of mild pain and lots of discomfort.

    t

  266. So porn is just the act with no feelings and erotica is the act with emotions?

  267. I think the women of porn get into it for the money.
    Some make half milliona a year, the men average about 40 grand a year.
    There are certain body parts I like on a woman , breasts ,real or fake turn me on.
    Watching the way they move when the woman moves.
    As far as watching a porno , I find watching someone else having sex ,just doesn’t do it for me.
    As for women’s sexuality ,we have to get over this puritain attitude, women that like sex are bad.
    The taboo of sex before marriage is a anachronism ,
    The worst is the”value ” placed on virginity , not the man , the woman!
    That smacks of ownership.
    Soft core is ok , it shows the woman as an independent smart woman that happens to like sex.
    Of course she is a playboy model, that is the fantasy part.

  268. You ain’t a moron darlin’. We’re all works-in -progress. I used to have a sign in my office that read “Please be patient. God isn’t finished with me yet.” Truly!

  269. Wow, finally a woman who’s got something to say and it’s not about shoes!
    I like what you say but can I have it a bit more animated, I mean you’re angry, you gotta fire up, you wont scare us off, we can take it!

    I’ve really enjoyed following you for the last couple of years but it’s come to the fact that you’re an activist and although I keep my internet persona fairly well seperated from my offline life there are many connections that the NSA will make between us. Pretty soon the AFP will crash through my door and shoot my dog and confiscate my computer and haul my arse up in front of some kangaroo court on charges of associating with an activist, an enemy of the new world order……Do something about your government and their bureaucratic cronies!

    Farewell my firey Irish red headed friend, I hope you break the cycle of your pasts lives and not end up burning at the modern day stake.
    For me personally I’m hoping for the more quieter life, yeah I know, pissweak, but not a sheeple, pass me the koolaid.

    P

  270. Don’t care about fake breasts.
    Real women have curves. That’s what makes a woman.
    Fake orgams suck. Have to be honest for the best sex possible.
    Always need to respect the woman and be nonjudgemental about her sexuality
    Some woman like to have the guy cum on her face. Some don’t. She’s the one receiving so it’s her decision
    Female ejacualtion rules. So cool to be down there when that happens.
    If a woman wants multiple partners at the same time, so be it. Same with a guy.
    Cheezy music and lighting? Who cares?

  271. So….. what are you saying?….. Are you leaving Trishtopia??? NOOOOO!!!!!!

    Ignore Big Brother! How will I contact you? Smoke signals won’t carry all the way to Australialand…

    t

  272. Ha! well I guessed the password might have been “test” and I can only assume that was right because my puritanical overlord employer blocked access due to “adult/mature content, pornography” Thanks for that! I have been logged as a porno king!

    On Wed, Jun 12, 2013 at 8:52 AM, Trish Causey’s ArousedWoman Blog wrote:

    > ** >

  273. You were supposed to ASK for the password FIRST! Jeez!

    (Um, you’re not in trouble at work now, are you??? πŸ™‚ )

    t

  274. I tried leaving Trishtopia, I lasted less than half an hour before I had to check twitter. πŸ™‚

  275. Thanks for the fabulous show! You have such grace and intellect, and I could tell that you were putting listeners at ease, providing entertainment and informing the crowd equally. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone speak as wonderfully about anal sexβ€”the ins and outs (ha, pun!), useful tips and debunking myths. You’re a pro, Trish!

  276. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I so greatly appreciate your kind words. Between you and me and our blogs, we’ll get those men educated! πŸ™‚

    MWAH!
    trish

  277. I complete agree with August. Your style, passion, and professionalism is what compelled me to call. As my Mrs. will attest, I’m far, FAR from the most mature/comfortable talking sexuality. A Catholic upbringing and witnessing some true-to-life perversion of sexuality will do that–go figure. But as with your blog articles, your show opened the door to dialogue and my Mrs. continue the conversation beyond your show.

    Oh, side note, I have no data but I’ve read it takes three days for nicotine to cycle out of the blood stream. However, I’m finding the effects linger much longer; possibly due to the fact that I have the metabolism of a tree sloth.

    Again, great show! We’re gonna try to tune in tonight as well!

  278. American medical and sexual culture has been in fierce denial for over 100 years about the many sexual points raised in this comment. Even my French mother, who is the only reason I am intact, does not agree that foreskin improves sex! American women who had been involved with both kinds of men, began airing their conclusions in the 1980s and 90s. The Founding Mother of intactivism in the USA was married to an intact man for about 20 years. The woman I call the founder of Jewish feminist intactivism revealed to me that when she was in college, she had a fling with a Latino. The man was forgettable, but the comfortable sex he supplied was not. I have met in FB a baby boom woman who discovered in the 1970s that she was completely unable to reach orgasm with cut men. But a 3 month fling with a Latino taught her that she could climax every time with a man she did not much value… if he was intact! This woman has never married because all the men of her place and time were cut at birth. I have been astounded at the women willing to reveal in FB, using what could well be their real names, that they’ve tried both and much prefer intact. The Great Mother of sex positive feminism, Betty Dodson, has concluded after nearly 60 years of sex with dozens of men, that intact is better (it helps that her father and brothers were intact, and that her only husband, whom she divorced long ago) was not.

  279. Great show Trish. Thanks for your thoughts on my mates relationship and the the near sexless marriage. Hormones and diet eh, who would of thought?
    Although my personal gut feeling is the previous relationships AND the the very complex issue around the sexual abuse are the main factors here. She is getting professional help and my mate although hides behind a rough exterior deep down is a caring and loving person. (I just gotta convince him to bring it to the surface!)
    Thanks Trish, love your work!

  280. Glad you could tune in to the show! I’ll have more shows on different sexual scenarios coming up. πŸ™‚

    Thank you!
    trish

  281. Thankfully I am married to a wonderful male who has not only allowed me to show him where my prostate is, he now takes great pleasure in making me come with the most divine use of his fingers and tongue! I am writing this at 08:30 in bed trying to avoid a wet patch the size of a dinner plate while he is downstairs making breakfast. He didn’t even want me to give him an orgasm! (that’ll come later!)
    The point is, I think you are right, we need to help men to understand our anatomy. I fully support your plan to produce an educational video.

  282. Time was, erotic imagery centered on the foreskin was by and for gay men. That time has ended. There are many images on Tumblr of women appreciating an intact male. These women are by no means all European or Latina.

    This internet imagery is reducing the genital provinciality of young American women. The most important reason, during the past 60 odd years, why tens of millions of American parents have had their newborn sons circumcised is simply because Dad had never seen intact in the locker room, and Mom had never dated an intact dude. Hence the parents saw the natural penis as hopelessly weird and sexually unappealing. For the first time in human history, any college age woman can look at large colour close ups of penises, and draw her own conclusions. I predict that more and more future mothers are going to think “with a natural penis, there’s more to love. Nature probably knew what she was doing.”

    We may perhaps never know why circumcision became so fashionable between 1870 and 1940, mainly because every clinical professor of medicine from that era is now dead. But once circumcision became quasi universal in the American middle class, conformity and snobbishness kept it going. This is very different from the experience of the other English speaking countries, where circumcision declined as a daily shower came to be taken for granted, and as the fear of masturbation faded.

  283. 50+ years ago, Irish doctors working in Irish hospitals never performed circumcisions. Hence it would not have been an option, regardless of your mother’s preferences. I am intact because I was born in a French maternity ward, where circumcision was simply not an option.

  284. Europe is no font of knowledge about the sexual virtues of the intact penis. Nearly all stuff I’ve seen in French about those virtues has either been translated from American writing, or has been strongly influenced thereby. To understand how circumcision affects human sexual function and pleasure, you frankly need ample sexual experience with both kinds of men. A large majority of those who deplore routine infant circumcision are straight woman (like our hostess) and gay men. The sexual downside of RIC is evident to them as end users of the penis.

  285. Tee-Jay: Agreed. If vaginal intercourse is uncomfortable, no matter much lube is used, and yeast infections can be ruled out, his being circumcised becomes the prime suspect.

  286. Thank You Trish, for sharing your experience. As someone who once in awhile try to find time to enjoy oneself, I could actually feel what you had felt as I was reading this blog. I loved the part when you were making sounds very openly during your orgasm. I find that erotic when I make sounds. Actually I feel better after my session when I can openly makes sounds. It’s like my ability to help remove the toxic that inside me

  287. Yes…I now prefer to be totally bare down there, but I think I would still want my man to retain his pubic hair, trimmed but still present.

  288. Thank you for sharing on what and how you enjoy your session. As for me, with your chats and guidance, I am able to enjoy self pleasures with out using objects that requires batteries and electric cords.

  289. And this is why it is so important for both parties to be “sexually awakened” so that foreplay becomes an amazing experience for the man as well, and thus you’d never have to worry about how long “prep” would take, because “prep” would be indiscernible from the “sex” or however you want to label it.

    Also, you of course know it is rare for a man (or woman) to be sexually awakened. It would be practical to start a relationship with the understanding you may have to sexually guide your man. He would be forever grateful. So maybe you need to find a guy who is “open”.

  290. It would make this world a better place if everybody and every body would be appreciated and respected peacefully and carefully. It’s not only women who more or less suffer from experiences making them hate their body – it’s almost always coming back also to more decent men, who are either being thought to act the same way, or be avoided, just to be on the safe side.

    But like it is said, first and most, pleasure and orgasm lies in your brain. How could it be possible to please yourself, if your body does not please you?

    I’m a single man in my fourties and only a decade or so, I’ve been starting to find myself, my sexuality and my abilities pleasing myself and my company. And I used to meet a woman with partially identical abusive experiences. She’s very much healed now – I’ve heard – and I can only be proud not making her situation any worse in our past.

    – kind a kindled –

  291. :). Some of the husbands are googling yoni massage! And what a fascinating journey it is proving as we explore this avenue of delight together; stepping outside a new boundary each time.

  292. Wow. I wish I could be that way but I am 38 and have hated my DD floppy breasts sinse age 17 and still plan to reduce them down to nothing asap the insurance agrees to pay, or as soon as I somehow by some miracle gwt the money.Of course I hate nipple. Stimulation& it personally does nothing for my orgasms. I do strictly outer body clit stimulation& that is just fine with no other touching elsewhere ever, I still orgasm every time so I can live without breasts. I dont enjoy internal touch unless its during intercourse only.I never have felt completely female or male but rather some in between mixture that shouldnt be seen ir jusges or treated like either gender but rather just a neutral human being.I want my chest not just smaller but flattened. I wouldnt rven care if they dont replace my nipples to be honest& if my man didnt like it oh well. Its my body not his.

  293. Having been a part of this exchange I demurred rather than be the loud mouth on the board–as I am SO prone to do. The English refer to the killing joke and insist that jokes kill. I prefer Robin Williams’ take, “The Holocaust began with a joke about two Jews. When it was over that was just about all that was left.”

    I’m proud of my Irish heritage. My family–who claimed to be French/Indian/Pieces with a bad moon rising–not so much. Mutha’ McClellan raised me Catholic and I’m the last, failing Catholic in the family. I was raised on Saint Patrick driving the snakes from Ireland. What he drove out was a snake cult–it means a religion but not an “acceptable” one. The thing is the snake cult was curated/priest-ed/choreographed by women. Ireland has a long history of women leaders and a reverence for women. Then the Christians came and the persecution began.

    My point–and my hair covers it nicely–is the witch “jokes,” is no better than blackface shoes, or whooping Indian gags, or “illegal” alien jokes, or drunken Irish on Saint Paddy’s day. It’s bullying and hatred and all the things we’re supposed to be aware of and smart enough to do away with. Good article, Sis. Keep up the good fight.

  294. Ha! I’m living proof that the menopause doesn’t mean the end of great sex. Yes, I’m on HRT, but thanks to my nightly pill, I can still get really wet, I can climax & ejaculate and most of all I still have mind blowing orgasms!
    I have gained a bit of weight, but that’s not a problem, more importantly I don’t have hot flushes, or sleepless nights. A good deal as far as I’m concerned.

  295. Very well done! However, I had a great deal of difficulty reading it and even typing this response because of the white on red/black background. Hard for us older folks to see and focus on.

  296. The CDC estimates that nine out of ten women will go through sexual assault–in varying degrees of brutality–at some point in her life. Those numbers might seem high but most of my life, the folks I interact with have been women and I don’t know a single woman who hasn’t suffered sexual assault. It makes me spitting mad and ashamed and sick. And guilty. I’ve objectified women. I’ve repeated the stupid jokes. I’ve watched the demeaning TV shows and movies. And if those things don’t cause assault on women, those things do provide the beat for this stupid dance so many of us do.

  297. Hey, NatureGirl!

    I’d love to know what HRT you use. They’re not all made the same, so if you feel like sharing the info, that would be great.

    Also, please share any techniques you have for ejaculating so we can all learn!! πŸ™‚

    Thanks for reading and commenting!
    trish

  298. Hey!

    Thanks so much for leaving a comment. I think it’s very brave of you to talk about how you feel (not completely male or female), and I think labels can be very useless or even damaging. Just try to be a good human being, and if others don’t understand you because they can’t see past their narrow-mindedness, you don’t need them. I do think that self-exploration is a great tool for enhancing the feelings you can get orgasmically, regardless of genitals or identity. After all, the largest organ of the body is the skin, and awakening the nerves and the subtle body can do amazing things! πŸ™‚

    Take care,
    trish

  299. So you would morally prohibit BDSM (which, more often than not, is just role play) on the grounds (among others) that it is controlling. Your controlling position is a demonstration that you don’t need ropes and chains to control others erotically. You just need moral and analysis and judgment, which is the preferred way of social control of patriarchy.

  300. As I said, I am speaking out for those of us who NOT subscribe to pseudo-violent and abusive sexual behaviour, which is in fact a part of patriarchy’s rape culture. I enter sexual experiences in love and respect. There is give and receive. Tantra is the cult of the feminine, so my holistic perspective is matriarchal — which may be why you oppose it so readily.

    And yes, in fact, me being in complete control of my personal sexual experience is the very definition of body autonomy as well as self-determination.

    Again, two consenting adults can do what they want. I’m speaking out against abusive sex becoming increasingly normative.

  301. A very interesting read ma’am. I hope men and women visit your site often. They’ll be better ppl and probably better lovers for having done so.

  302. “As I continued to look at my vulva pictures (and even took some more), it was amazingly empowering to know and love my genitals and not compare mine to women in porn or magazines.”

    Amen! It’s remarkable how uncomfortable we’re taught in myriad ways to be about our sexual anatomy – and all that accompanies it. Posts like this are so important! Thanks for the voice you are.

  303. Hi Trish,
    There may be things you don’t you like to do that can be encompassed in a sex act, that does not mean that other people who do like these things are wrong. The fact you don’t like doing them and you prefer your sex in a certain way is also okay.
    I hope that someday you can appreciate what others do is up to them, being consenting adults and all (blah blah blah).
    I agree, sex can be a loving, pleasurable union of two (or more) people, it can be fun, or it can be boring, but just as some people like to dip chocolate in Thai sweet chillie dipping sauce…others would think that weird. Different strokes……..

    I agree with you on two things. One is that it shouldn’t hurt. Pain is an indicator that you have or about to damage yourself and you should stop. Some people use this to heighten the senses. That doesn’t make it wrong.
    The other is that sex should not leave people feeling humiliated or degraded. Again, some people like that sort of thing so who am I to judge, I think the supposed enjoyment of this could be put down to past, maybe childhood, phsycological trauma. If someone finds themselves unwantingly on the recieving end of that sort of treatment they might need to reconsider their choice in partners.
    Oh yeah, violent porn is shit, but they are catering to a market where lots of people are treating others like shit, and not just in the realms of sexuality. Everytime I turn on the telly people are abusing one another, there are whole lotta angry people out there, it’s not nice, and it’s being glorified, but that’s a whole other argument.
    As always Trish I enjoy your writing, and be nice people. Stay safe.
    Cheers,
    Pete

  304. In the early nineties, I attended a lecture by a naturopath who quoted a survey of 1000 women that had been published in “Cosmopolitan.” He pointed out that not one woman surveyed was happy with her breasts.

    He paused, then asked rhetorically, “Is there any wonder breast cancer rates are so high?”

    Very insightful and well written. I applaud you and look forward to more.

  305. Hey, David!

    I can attest that the energy we send to our bodies (women and men) manifests in physical issues. It has to. The mind, body, and spirit are connected. I will be addressing body image more in-depth in a new project due out soon. πŸ™‚

    Love yourself.
    trish

  306. Oops, only just found your reply!!
    I use Elleste Duet 1mg, it completely settled the hot flushes & headaches (though I do still get a hormonal headache a few days before my period) but the greatest advantage is the way it has rekindled my libido!
    My husband tells me I’m as randy as i was when I was in my 20s!!
    As for ejaculation, what can I say?…The usual techniques apply, hubby uses the pad of his thumb on my clitoris while inserting the index & middle fingers to rub my Gspot. Also, I find being on all fours while rubbing my clitoris makes me ejaculate.
    For what it’s worth, I ejaculate more copiously around mid-cycle (even though I no longer ovulate) which is also when my vaginal secretions are at their most viscous.
    Hope this helps.

  307. I did not know about the slaughter but I’m not surprised in the least. More than anything else, Saint Paddy’s Day is a rallying point for the Irish in America and–like corn beef and cabbage–we’re ignorant of the deeper roots. This was too good to keep so I had to share it on twitter and facebook.

  308. The deeper roots consist of white-on-white oppression that isn’t PC to talk about, much less complain about. But if we could have an actual conversation about IMPERIAL regimes oppressing anyone and everyone they deemed unworthy to be in their elite club, then we can start to address many problems — particularly the “class warfare” here in America (1% vs everyone else including whites).

  309. Great post, Trish. I think the Irish, like most oppressed groups, have used something that represents their oppression, reclaimed it, and use it as a source of pride. While the history behind this holiday is anything but “Irish” in a true sense, it is used by both the Irish and those of Irish descent to celebrate a heritage and being a part of a truly special origin of which they can be proud, despite hardships and discrimination. Then again, it is used by some as an excuse to get drunk and wear green. But…leave it to Americans (and pub-loving Irish…I’ve spent time there, it’s true!! πŸ˜€ ) to make everything a party!

  310. Trish, I can’t say strongly enough how much I appreciate this post. Images of sexualized violence are becoming too common. It is very disturbing and sad to me. Young women are being too often pressured into being the “cool girl” and accepting some painful and degrading sex. Any woman in that situation needs to ask herself, if a man is aroused by her pain and/or degradation, what kind of a man is she dealing with? There is a very disturbing meme I see on Tumblr and Pinterest: “Some call it domestic violence, we call it foreplay.” Wow. Really?!? And if I see one more supposed arty black and white photograph of a woman being choked, that’s supposed to sexy, I will just lose it. Enough! Why all the sudden is it glamorous and erotic to infuse violence into sex? This is just sad. And I love sex and beautiful erotic imagery. But it includes violence it turns my stomach.

  311. The lack of diversity, whether by skin color (woman of color have been dealing with this for a long time) or body type or ethnicity or age, harms us culturally and diminishes our chance for a healthy sexuality.
    And sadly the message that only on BDSM sites, are full-figured women are featured, offers a disturbing message: full- figured women can only be loved in relationships involving sexual violence and degradation. That is really messed up!

  312. Thanks Trish! And I completely agree; the still developing internet has a major impact on how we communicate. Deeper still, a lot of that language is influenced by the simple fact text messaging limitations have launched a plethora of grammatically horrid communication shortcuts. I am guilty of using them myself, but there is a time and place for everything. Journalism should not be the realm for lackadaisical standards.

  313. I saw a critique of you online, but was compelled to learn before I respond. I found this post. You claim the Romans were definitely non-pagan. The definition of pagan is polytheistic. The Roman Gods, among others, include Mars, Venus, Mercury, Apollo, Neptune, Saturn, Jupiter, Sol, and Diana. I agree that most of the last 2500 years had a patriarch dominance. Mexico however follows their matriarch traditions. Neither of those have equality. Equality in a 2 person relationship does not work. There has to be limited inequality, or a slight imbalance to decide the last name of their children and if necessary, to resolve a split decision. Other than that, I feel there should be equality. The male can earn less or be the stay at home spouse. The one that is more financially responsible should be the one managing the money and having the final word on differences in setting up the family budget. In a loving relationship, both parties will work together with sacrifices for trivial issues. The Bible says that a woman’s body belongs to the man and the man’s body belongs to a woman. That teaches equality and humbleness rather than using sex as a weapon or used only when the mood and timing are perfect. There are times the male wants sex but the wman can say no, due to discomfort or she wants to avoid being physically hurt by the type of sex, or the male just wants to use the female for intercourse and then go to sleep. The male should never force the woman or want just intercourse, but be respectful of the woman and make sex enjoyable for his mate as well as himself. This ideology is to limit the rights of one person over another’s as much as possible. Similarly, the parents cannot rape, mentally abuse, sexually abuse, or kill their children because the children are disobeying, mean, or otherwise unwanted. That also applies to abortions as well. The baby has rights too and the parents can trump those rights, but again that inequality has to be very limited, such as if the woman’s health is in danger, then it is a tossup and the woman would have the overriding decision because it is her health that is in danger. Have a good day and feel free to discuss.

  314. I like all three , and I know from what’s been going on in the world for several years , and because of it, I have become Be The Change, because I know there is No super hero to do it

  315. Everything about “spiritual awakening” is about dancing.At Burning Man I learned to dance with my mind.

  316. As I explained in my post, the definition of pagan is “country dweller” and was the moniker given by the Romans to the indigenous tribes of the continent we now call Europe. The connotation of pagan is polytheistic. Not the same thing.

    And I really don’t give a damn what the bible says. The bible says a lot of things that are abusive, misogynistic, homophobic, racist, and that incite violence.

    Also, a woman always has control over her body, especially to choose whether or not she becomes a mother.

  317. We will not have true change in politics until we have more awakening amongst the people. Right now, the people are too divided, thanks in large part to the divisive nature and bullshit propaganda of the right-wing faction.

  318. I seriously want to go to Burning Man. Just to feel the freedom of being with being with 50,000 free spirits. Seems too amazing to comprehend. πŸ™‚

  319. Jody, I think most people want peace, love, and happiness, they just aren’t willing (or able) to divest themselves of the materialistic and emotional prisons they’ve built around themselves. Sometimes to be free, you just have to let it all go.

  320. I found this blog completely by accident and I must there is a lot of compelling things here. However, after reading a few things on this site, I must say you assume wrong… I am a black man who is wondering if your invitation still stands? I am calling you out. πŸ˜‰ I have also been told that I have some Cherokee in me s well. Let me know. Vanilla and chocolate go well together. 😎

  321. Haha! Thank you for letting me know. πŸ™‚ Although I’m not looking right now, I AM equal opportunity. What’s that saying, “Kiss the rainbow”? Indeed! πŸ™‚

  322. Sounds like a very lovely evening. However, not all porn or lingerie are made equal. They can be fun with the selection and applied technique without it becoming a routine. πŸ˜‰

  323. Well, you could always fo more than kiss the rainbow πŸ˜€ I have never joined a blog before. But I had to respond when is read that line. I’m sorry :'( I couldn’t convince you beautiful;-) I guess I’ll be forced to miss out :-/ awwe :-p

  324. This very personal exposΓ© must elicit emotions that some of us (men) could hide from or simply deny. I read your words several times over, because I wanted to understand what it was exactly that evoked from me this uneasiness about myself.

    I have this understanding with myself, and for quite some time now I had come to terms with my past when it came to my tawdry objectification of women. So reading about you Trish just brings back those embarrassing memories.

    I was lucky though because as I grew older I realized the wrongs of my ways. After years of growing up, women became my equals and my partners in every way possible, spiritually, sexually, emotionally, and then some.

    Let me also mention that the best benefit of this type of growth is the freedom a that man can achieve, freedom from jealousy, envy, mistrust, misogyny. Then as you grow into yourself you become attracted not just to the physical things like fake tits and ass but you start to find yourself being absorbed by a woman’s abstract qualities too, now you get turned on by her intellect, attitude, character, and her ability to not be a needy person and your not threatened by her self reliance, these are all good things to adore too.

    Sadly some men no matter what their age, they never get out of their adolescence and they persist on sexism and carry that immature attitude that I once had to the grave and remain forever shackled to misery.

    I am guilty of being sexist and of having said or done all of those undignified acts that Trish had to endure. So when I now read how damaging and irresponsible my acts had been I need to apologize, but those acts were long ago and now I have no one to give me contrition.

    So Trish will you accept my apology?

    Joseph M. Fasciana

    P S

    β€œIf you go through with it, I’ll never be able to make love to you again. I would take one look at those hideous purple scars and be too disgusted to be aroused.” That cut me to my soul. And it solidified for me that he’d never truly loved me. No man ever had or would. I was nothing but breasts and hair to men.

    For this I have no other explanation except that it is simply a high degree of abuse.

  325. An after thought, I said I did all those undignified acts and that is true. Trish you said you were a virgin until being raped at 21. I just want to make it clear that rape was not one of those acts that I would ever do. Although the sexism and womanizing were bad enough.

  326. This ^^!! Sorry, full sentences work best, I suppose. This article and the experiences behind it is what I think about EVERY time I read some “person” talk about the “tyranny” of feminism and/or the “not all men,” apologists. The myopic, narcissism neck-and-neck with the “women don’t want a man who treats them right–like me,” bullshit that I want so desperately to apologize for every time I read/hear/witness a woman go through it.

    Sexual assault is prominent in my family–honestly, it’s prominent in everyone’s family but I was aware of things my sisters, cousins, and mother endured when I was a child. That knowledge shaped my perception and attitude in life. And, knowledge of those crimes as well as the lasting effect has informed my interaction with women.

    Also, I’m creepy. Truly, not even trying for an ego stroke. I look creepy. Women have crossed the street to avoid walking past me. When I organized block walks for a gubernatorial candidate, a woman all but ran when I opened my front door. She would not come into my house until my wife spoke with her and walked her in. She kept an eye on me the entire time she was here. Needless to say I avoid physical proximity.

    My demeanor doesn’t help me. I am direct (demanding and critical) in professional interaction and rather frosty until I get to know someone. I do not flirt or entertain flirting IRL–too much risk of being the creepy guy in the room. And so I am awkward in social interaction with the exception of social media. And even there, I never, NEVER forget why women are defensive around me.

    See, it’s not about me–or any man. It’s about 16 variations of men that women encounter. Every single day of their lives. Thanks for share this.

  327. πŸ˜€ , here are the corrections for what i’ve said previously :
    Well , a man that know about all this aspects and understands them is not afraid of them , Making love to a woman an opening her deeply is a life long task for every day thing to do . I also believe that a real wild man is wild at heart too , he has to courage and power to stay on show his vulnerability . And yes , that is a present man that looks straight in to her eyes with no fear . I am lucky enough to understand all this from my own experience, i see my woman crying ,melted and vibrating after making love and i think i am a lucky one to have meet such a wonderful woman .
    All your articles are so well made, clear and bare . I recognise all this and i think you should write a book with all your knowledge . Lots of man need it for sure . One more thing , you may hold some workshops in Denmark , i think there would be lots of people willing to hear you talking . Only good and thank you very much !

  328. Late to this party but we don’t airbrush the boxer, bloody and bloated after violence for profit or concussive-addled Montana’s elbow when it was the size of a fucking basketball or Anderson Silva’s silly putty leg–but that’s macho/manly/dick swinging blood and gore. Menstrual blood? Oh, noes! We can’t have reproductive blood–that’s why women were segregated to menstrual pits/tents/caves. Women are only supposed to be presented when primped, prettied, and procreation-ready.

    The objection to menstrual blood, goes back to men’s fear of the feminine power to create life–and all the messy details inherent to creating life. It’s all about power and control over the creation of life and a woman’s ownership of her body.

  329. Just finished reading your piece about a woman menstrual period. First let me congratulate you on something most people avoid talking about openly. That’s what I like about you Trish.There’s nothing, at least that I know of, is off limits to talk about with you. I agree 100% with what you had written. I have no problem with a woman natural state of being which includes her period. As a single father of a 16 year old, I’m not embarrassed to pick up her pad from the store when I’m out shopping like other men I’ve talked to about this subject. She and I talk openly discuss her period, when she cramps and she’s needs relief by taking Ibuporfen. It’s because she’s my daughter and it my responsibility to take care of her. I’ll never be embarrassed by that. I’ve always done it even for my mother and sisters. I guess it depends on how you’re raised. My mother educated me about woman’s period. There’s no shame in it, it’s human nature. It allow for the continuation of the human race. As you said in your piece. So again nice work, and keep it real.

    Melvin Lynn

  330. I’ve read arguments that the boy has phimosis but the continued prosecution of this woman tells me it all about power and dominance. Nothing more. Sadly, I expect her to lose custody of this child.

  331. The thing about “phimosis” is that it is actually rare. Most doctors in the U.S. do not know enough about intact care to understand what’s going on, i.e., the foreskin doesn’t usually retract until puberty but can retract early, etc., because the male doctors themselves are circumcised and intact care of baby boys isn’t taught. If it is phimosis, then there are ways of stretching the skin. But intact boys usually go through about 6 months or so of discomfort while the foreskin does what it needs to in order to retract. (Just making supposition here. Not a diagnosis.)

  332. “If you’re a hammer, everything looks like a nail.” Or, in this case, indoctrinated.

  333. Nebus and Gillen might win this battle, but they cannot win the war for the boy’s heart and mind. It is very likely that the boy will hate his father lifelong. I am also confident that feminist intellectuals will eventually argue that Chase and Heather are the victims of tyranny that is petty, vindictive and patriarchal. To hold a mother in jail, and separated from her child, until she did as the judge ordered, will not sit well with the mothers of America and Florida women voters.
    In my boyhood, it was said that it was a woman’s prerogative to change her mind. It would have been deemed very callous and unseemly for a judge to hold a mother hostage. “That’s no way to treat a lady” would have been a rallying cry.
    Polite America is not yet ready for the idea that what circumcision cuts off is very sexual, and that no one should have something so sexual removed without their informed consent. The way American medical schools, and sex therapists, are silent about the sexual advantages of the foreskin and frenulum, is utterly unconscionable. I like Ms Causey because she has used social media to speak the Sexual Truth to smug American Power. Circumcised men can insist that circ does not matter, but women free spirits like Ms Causey know better, thanks to lived experience honestly contemplated.

  334. Ooh, I’ll have to check this out! I was *just* thinking about “happy endings,” and wondering why women don’t get the same offer. (Okay, I know some of the answers, but YKWIM. :))

  335. A necessary condition for your wishes to come true, is an end to infant circumcision in America. Tear down the Empire of the Bald Penis!
    In my 26 year marriage, I learned a great deal about sex and the penis that I’ve not read anywhere, not even in betty dodson. I was very lucky that the person who initiated me into sex (and whom I married) understood her body very well and knew how to communicate with men.

  336. It’s a difficult one! Girls have an absolute right to choose how they control their fertility and deal with their life situations in a way they find acceptable.

    But we’re talking about young girls… children. As you said, Trish, what if they’re the victim of a circumstance where they are being abused and their ability to choose is being denied. In such situation a girl might need warmth, support, protection, and empowerment; not just a cold retail transaction over the counter.

    And of course… your local pharmacist is the first person you would turn to, aren’t they?

  337. I love this! The uproar has been ridiculous, but like you said, life goes on, and at the end of the day, love still wins!

  338. 1. It is imperative that young women masturbate and examine themselves using a hand mirror, before ever engaging in partnersex.

    2. Analogous, not synonymous. This is why sophisticated women can teach men about their bodies. I have to suspect that some intact women understand the importance of the male foreskin much better than cut men do, thanks to a movable clit hood and to sensitive labia minora.

    3. 15+ minutes of foreplay is an imperative. Men too eager to go straight to penetration may be the most common reason for married women being unable to climax.

    4. Missus D cannot retract her female prepuce. Hence only her exposed glans is never part of her sex life. Nevertheless, she masturbates easily, and enjoys having her clit gently played with through the upper parts of her labia majora. What comes naturally to me here is something I have never seen mentioned in erotica or depicted in video porn. I may have read as long ago as the 1960s that the clitoris is the ground zero of women’s pleasure and desire. This has never bothered me. In fact, it means that male and female pleasure are more alike than one would think by looking at the genitalia.

  339. Hi Trish,

    I just came across your post about β€œIs your woman faking orgasms or not?”
    very interesting, although I can’t believe you never did πŸ™‚
    I like what you say at the end that you can’t β€˜make’ a woman orgasm you have to start with her mind. Probably something we should teach more.

    Have a great day, Laura

  340. Hi Trish,

    I just came across your post about β€œIs your woman faking orgasms or not?”
    very interesting, although I can’t believe you never did πŸ™‚
    I like what you say at the end that you can’t β€˜make’ a woman orgasm you have to start with her mind. Probably something we should teach more.

    Have a great day, Laura

  341. The issue with Trump and his marriages is that his hardline stance on immigration is total hypocrisy considering Trump is the son of an immigrant mother, grandson to an immigrant grandfather, and has married immigrant women. The fact that he’s been married a few times is not the point. The fact that he hates immigrants in spite of his own history and current marriage is ridiculously two-faced.

  342. As a circumcised Jewish male, I immediately zeroed in on this article the minute it hit my reader. But I’m not there to argue pros and cons with you. I’m here to encourage you to view your efforts at activism with more self-compassion.

    With regard to eating habits, or our bodies, rational arguments may take a long time to change behavior.

    Therefore, It’s too early to say you’ve failed. Perhaps your arguments won’t sink in until she has next baby, for example. Or, perhaps she will regret her decision, and go on to persuade somebody else with her own personal experience added to your arguments. You just never know.

  343. Circumcision is the most blatant failure of the Hippocratic Oath. There is only one valid reason to remove tissue–disease/disfunction. Everything else is psychology–abnormal or otherwise–and does not pertain to the infant in question. My mother would not allow circumcision and had my Mrs. and I had children I would not have allowed it either. It’s a past time to end the barbaric practice of general mutilation.

  344. Appreciate the authentic perspective you put into this article. Orgasms are very much different for each individual.
    We are always looking for guest blogger and feel our readers would enjoy your style and perspective. Please email us at PLAISIR@madamstories.com if you would be interested in being a guest blogger at PLAISIR by Madamstories

  345. Why am I not surprised. With all these other southern states working on passing similar bills,you’re right, people need to vote Republicans out. I’m glad I live in Canada. While we have our problems, they’re not as bad as the US. I hope the governor doesn’t sign this I to law.