Copyright 2016 by Trish Causey.
If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, no more is that sentiment apropos than when it comes to being sexual and sensual. With media trying to convince us to look this way or wear that size clothing for others’ outward approval, culture maintains a centuries’-old negative stigma about sexuality that pervades customs and language.
I recently posted a Facebook status on my wall, explaining that I never refer to the penis as “dick” or “cock” because when I think of a “dick”, it is usually a guy who is being a total jerk. And “cock” is a 12th-century French term for “male bird”. The last time I checked, no guy likes being called a chicken.
This status post led to quite the interesting discussion:
- “‘Penis’ is too technical.”
- “‘Penis’ is a weird word.”
- “I’m not trying to seduce my partner with Latin.”
(No? Maybe you should!)
A similar dissatisfaction was made for use of the term vagina, a Latin word meaning “sheath”.
- “That’s not sexy.”
- “Saying vagina would kill the mood.”
- “‘Vagina’ is a weird word.”
A nearly unanimous consensus of Facebook responders preferred “pussy” to vagina. Personally, I cannot stand the term “pussy” to refer to female genitals. Pussy is usually an insult hurled at someone who is being cowardly or weak; or pussy refers to a small kitten. Women are not weak, and neither is our genitalia — after all, we give birth with that vagina! And shaving the genitals is so common now, “pussy”, as in “furry like a pussy cat”, is inaccurate for most women and certainly is completely wrong for me, since I shave it all: vulva and mons, bare.
“Vulva” was second to pussy, and most people laughed at yoni, a Sanskrit word used in Tantra to denote both the vulvar/vaginal area as well as the woman as a whole. Thankfully, no one mentioned the word “twat”, and in America, “cunt” is still the ultimate insult for a woman and resoundingly detested. (Though, perhaps it should not be….)
Our cultural norms toward sex in America are inherently Puritanical and, therefore, filled with guilt and shame. Men are told their genitals are “junk”, and a woman with a large derrière has “junk in the trunk”. Women with naturally large breasts are assumed to be “easy” and “slutty” or just plain stupid, hence the use of the term “boob”, which literally means “stupid person”. A person who is of distasteful or slimy character might be called a “douchebag” or simply “douche”, an inherently misogynistic slur since only women “douche” (even though douching is bad for the vagina).
In our sexually-repressed culture, sexuality is divided from sensuality, and it should not be. Overt sexuality is considered hard and physical, dirty and naughty, rough and ready. Sexuality is comprised of animalistic lust and carnal cravings. Sexy sex isn’t lovey-dovey sex. Sexy sex must be dirty and raw. Great sex is hot, and sweaty, and … dirty.
Sexy women are “naughty” by nature and wear naughty lingerie, often in red lace, that hails from days of old when only prostitutes wore red petticoats. The multi-billion-dollar lingerie industry claims we must have these itchy, uncomfortable, sometimes awkward-to-even-put-on garments in order to “drive a man wild in bed”. To do sinful, illegal, immoral things that only prostitutes once did.
Dirty men and naughty women do shameful things to each others’ sinful bodies, especially if these things include the ass. In fact, the major nerve that innervates the anus is the pudendal nerve, from the Latin word for “shame”, and gives a nod to the religious condemnation that anal sex is dirty, animalistic, and ungodly. The pudendal nerve branches off into the dorsal nerve to give sensation to the clitoris in women and the penis in men. Therefore, it does not matter if a couple is engaging in plain ol’ sweaty missionary or ungodly awesome anal, our culture shames sex and sexuality.
Sexy women do sexy, dirty things to a man’s dick that his good, wholesome wife won’t do — those, oh, so illicit things good girls would never consider doing. But “bad girls” do. Bad girls enjoy sex and have always been branded a harlot, a hussy, a tart, a tramp, a whore. In the eternal struggle between light and dark, “good girls go to heaven; bad girls go everywhere”.
Bad girls have a dirty mind and talk dirty, saying and screaming dirty, naughty things good girls dare not utter. Talking lovingly to a partner — even a partner for one night — is verboten. That “oops” moment of sighing, “I love you”, is a hookup’s worst nightmare. Expressing love is deemed scary, too committal, a trap. But being naughty and dirty, raw and raunchy allows people to assuage their physical needs as they separate themselves from their emotional needs. Apparently, love talk isn’t sexy or beautiful.
Or that’s what we’ve been told.
Being sexual is natural. If it were not, the human race would have died out as soon as it invented religion and shame.
Sex is beautiful. Facing sex is beautiful. Rear-entry sex is beautiful. Woman-on-top is beautiful, and solo sex is especially poignant because it connects a person with the beauty and wonder of their own body.
The body is beautiful. Tall bodies, short bodies, thin bodies, plump bodies, pink bodies, red bodies, brown bodies, yellow bodies, able bodies, disabled bodies, straight bodies, LGBT bodies: the body is beautiful in so many different ways! How could you NOT be in awe of all your body does for you — especially orgasm?! And yes, being naked is just fine, thank you very much. Cellulite? Stretch marks? Varicose veins? Scars? Sagging tattooes? Whatever! The body is beautiful. No lacy lingerie or scented douche-water required.
Sharing love — even for one night — is beautiful.
Sexuality and sensuality are the flip-sides of the same coin. Being sexual is not shameful. Sexuality is not junk or cowardly or naughty. Beauty in sexuality is about connection: connection to yourself as well as to your partner(s), and the joy with which you share that energy with the world.
So, be sexy. It’s beautiful!
Arousingly yours in beauty,
This article is part of the fabulous #BOAW – Beauty of a Woman series created by the even more fabulous August McLaughlin. For more articles by August’s pool of amazing writers, visit her site: AugustMcLaughlin.com.
Word definitions found on EtymOnline.com.