DailyOJ 06-23-14: Getting Back Into My Body

I can’t believe how long it has been since I wrote my last true DailyOJ post. It seems like a lifetime ago that I was on my regular meditation and awakening practice, but I felt I needed a break due to everything that was going on.

So on 02-03-14, I took a break from writing here on my ArousedWoman Blog as I officially entered the campaign to be a Congressional candidate. I had started back to college in October, around the same time I finally decided to run for Congress. The ensuing months were some of the most mentally stressful I’ve had in a while. I was over-extended and being pulled in so many different directions — home life, rebounding from the loss of a job, starting my Musical Theatre Magazine for income, going back to college, throwing my hat in the ring for Congress, being a single mom, running this blog, trying to finish other writing and music I had started, my computer crashed in December, starting another fitness certification, and other things I can’t even remember now. It was just too much.

In April, I had to take a leave of absence from school to focus on my campaign, but the campaign ended June 3rd, when I lost my bid to be the Democratic candidate for my district. Which is fine. What I learned about politics taught me that my place is here as an activist.

My second-to-last DailyOJ post was on 09-16-13, so to sit here and realize it has been over 9 months since my last real DailyOJ is just strange. Nine months is the gestation period of a child, from conception to birth. This impels me to wonder, what did I give birth to? What was brewing in the womb of life experience these past nine months? What did I think I was conceiving? What do I have to show for this amount of time and work and stress and even grief?

Not much.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped doing yoga. My three+ miles that I walked every single day rain or shine dwindled down to one on many days, and closer to the primary election, sometimes zero miles. I had an allergic reaction to some store-bought bread (again), which made me gain weight and inner inflammation that I’m still dealing with. The stress of fending off the evil ring-wing nut-jobs on social media sent my cortisol levels up, which didn’t help my body at all. And mostly, I just didn’t like how being in the political arena made me feel as a person.

I’ve worked hard to overcome my natural warrior tendencies, to incorporate more yin wisdom. But politics is all yang — and not the good aspects of yang. Politics is an evil, dirty, money-driven business based on extreme competition that I personally found to be destructive on many levels.

For me and my body, what concerned me most was how my energy level dropped. I don’t mean energy, as in feeling like getting up and going somewhere, I mean my true energy, my life force, my palpable connection to the universe and everything around me that actually matters to me. Because politics is so based in low-energy matters like money (economy, budget/deficit, jobs, etc.), I felt my energy just fade away. I no longer felt my energy buzzing up my legs, or my Kundalini spine-zaps that circle around to tickle my face, or the out-of-body heartgasms, or the energy that bounces off my arms when I think about something I love or something that makes me happy or makes me laugh. Nothing about politics gave me good vibes. I tried focusing on the fact that I was wanting to help the people of my area, and I focused on being me, not a puppet politician that the media expects a candidate to be. I spent so much energy deflecting the negativity of the political scene, that I had no energy left over for me, my well-being, and my needs.

I had lost my connection to my body. When I would try to do a practice session, my mind was on politics. When I was sleeping at night, I’d wake up at 3 a.m., and think about politics. Because I was virtually alone in my campaign, it all rested on me to do a good job. I felt a responsibility to the people who saw themselves represented in me, a progressive liberal candidate in a Red State.

My sessions became less about my practice and solely about trying to have orgasms. Therein was the major problem. “Trying” for pleasure is a sure-fire way to ensure true pleasure eludes you. My orgasms, while still amazing on any orgasm-o-meter, were different. They were no longer full-body. They were localized to my genitals. They were rarely as emotional as I was accustomed to. I didn’t know my body anymore. And I couldn’t focus enough on my practice when I had them to raise my energy again.

I will say again as I’ve said before — My “worst” orgasm now is infinitely better, bigger, and more pleasurable than the best orgasm I ever had before my awakening. But at this point, I’m used to a certain level of mind-blowing, emotional orgasmic experience. Regular, genital-centric orgasms simply will not do.

I’ve also said many times that orgasm is an energy, and when I’m in that energy, it’s like living in a completely different vibration. I’ve told people the feeling is like orgasm is a higher vibration level, and whenever I’d want a sudden orgasm, I just stand on my tip-toes, and I’m there, in that energy field, and they just happen — whenever, wherever I want them. My body is amazing.

Or she was … before I got the crazy idea that I should enter politics.

The primary was June 3rd. I got 44.6% of the votes, but lost. The follow-up after the campaign lasted about 9 to 10 days, and as voters began to focus on the unfolding dramas elsewhere in the crazy world of Mississippi politics, I bowed out, thinking I’d get back to doing what I do. This is when my body crashed. Simply crashed. I spent a few days in thorough lethargy, allowing my body to release the pent-up exhaustion that had accumulated over the course of nine months on the campaign trail. This was when I fully realized what I had done to my body and my psyche and my spirit by following a path I had intrinsically known was not for me, but that my activist self thought I could strong-arm my self through — for the greater good, for standing up for our rights, for speaking up for the right thing. I have always despised politics, and now, I had reaped the lesson of what happens when you don’t listen to your true self.

Now, it’s summer. I’m not home alone during the day … or night. So I can’t do a full practice on a regular basis. I still enjoy my stealth orgasms. In fact, even my nipple-O’s and stealth clit O’s had begun to wane in intensity. In the past week, I’ve been trying to get more sleep, and even though I’m still only getting five to six hours of actual sleep, I’m staying in bed to rest a few hours more to get at least eight hours of sleep/rest in so my body can heal.

Because I’m a single mom, I won’t be able to get back to my regular practice until the Fall, but I will do what I can with my stealth O’s through the summer. That might be a good thing actually — allow my body to finish processing all this politics B.S. and regroup. I will allow my fire to come back gradually. I am focusing on positive, life-affirming, creativity-inspiring pursuits, like my new online workshop. I am ready to help people who want to be helped. I will get back into a regular yoga practice. I will dismiss the wheat and sugar that somehow crept back into my diet (and devastated my body).

By August, I should be back to myself — or introduced to my new self, a woman who has learned so much on this journey and who is ready to be aroused in mind, body, and spirit once again.

Aroused and healing,

trish

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