Yesterday, I had a wonderful session, typical of a weekend morning — feeling lazy, lounging in bed thinking blissful thoughts, enjoying stealth orgasms.  But amidst the laissez-faire “art of nothing,” I decided to get out my glass toy (because I was home alone), and this led to a fantastically multiple delight that finished in an emotional release that rivaled any uterine orgasm.

Today, I set aside time for my session — again, I’m home alone, which means I really wanted to use the big guy.  I never have a particular goal in mind, except to have the experience without too much pre-planning or judgment of what happens.

Every session has 3 to 5 parts (or rounds) to it.  I usually begin with a meditation/sensual massage, then perhaps my orgasm training (11 to 22 minutes), then hands-on blended climax orgasm, wait a few minutes then bring myself to a climax orgasm with my glass toy, then wait 5 to 15 minutes to use the big guy to a glorious climatic finish that leaves me breathless from the beauty and intensity of the orgasms and crying from the overwhelming emotion that radiates through me, releasing my energy in a gush from me to the universe.

That is my usual schedule.  Sometimes, I don’t do sensual massage before my orgasm training session, and sometimes, I’ll not do the hands-on, or I’ll start hands-on and switch to glass.  And there is the occasion that I don’t go for the big guy — sometimes, I’m just exhausted by that point or my arm is just too tired to wield that sucker.

Today was just weird.  My prostate re-awakening that had begun again has lasted longer than any other time she’s done this, except I’ve noticed a decline in my prostate’s pulsating with the stress of the past week and no urination orgasms in the past couple days.  The awakening even lasted through my period, which it has never done before, so I was really anticipating these feelings in my prostate being a daily thing from now on…. I secretly hope she really kicks back in within the next day or two.

Lying in bed this afternoon, I didn’t do the massage, but my breasts really needed attention.  I spent several minutes sucking my nipples and having back-arching nipple orgasms.  I felt between my labia, as I often do after a nipple or soft-touch clit orgasms, to check for sudden fluid at my vagina’s opening.  Sure enough, I was coated with vaginal fluid, the super thick, super slick fluid.  I had the sudden thought to get the big guy and just see if I can put him in.  This was a challenge I’d wondered for a while — do I really need all those prep rounds before I use the big guy (who is 2 inches wide), and even more importantly, can I get wet enough to use this cyberskin toy with no lube?  Normally, I always use lube — cyberskin just isn’t the same as real skin.  Now, I had an opportunity to take this challenge.  And I did.

I got the tip inside and waited for it to sting as it always does.  Except it didn’t this time.  For a while, I’ve had a theory that the reason it always stings as the tip enters my vagina is because of my aroused prostate — the sensation is always a stinging sensation as the toy’s tip and corona slide against my prostate.  I assumed this is because, by the time I use the big guy, I’ve had several climax orgasms, and my prostate is in super arousal — which is why I always wait 5 to 10 minutes, sometimes even 30 minutes between my glass toy climax and grabbing the big guy — to give my prostate time to relax.  I’m still very aroused and enjoying the after-orgasms, but my prostate does seem to go down in size a little bit, making entry with the big toy slightly easier.  If I don’t wait that 10 minutes or so, using the big toy is very painful, and I feel like I’m being split in two — in a very bad, painful way.  I wonder if I just have a small vagina… my labia are small, too…. but then, so are my ears, and that doesn’t effect my orgasms…. so whatever…. I digress….

After sliding him in and out several times, I felt my vagina clench him, and I knew that was a good sign.  Though I noticed, I didn’t feel much in the rest of my body.  Focusing on what I was feeling and not judge it or analyze it at the time is incredibly difficult, especially when trying something new, and even more especially when the results are less spectacular than what you were hoping.  And that is what happened.  In fact, I thought back to my previous sexual partners, and this is exactly what I felt — or didn’t feel — nothing beyond the genitals.  Today, I felt nothing like what I’m now accustomed to experiencing:  full-body waves, uncontrollable moaning/hollering, legs shaking and flailing wildly, head thrown back — my orgasms are amazingly fantastic and such a full-body workout that I don’t go to the gym (though society would say I need to lose weight).  But this, today, was so disappointing — just like my previous sex partners…. I did climax, and it was nice…. As I’ve said before, the worst orgasm I have nowadays is infinitely better than the best orgasm I ever had before my sexual awakening.  And since I’ve never orgasmed with a partner, even this lackluster experience was better than the sex I had with my ex or others.

As I lay there, afterward, I waited for the emotion to hit.  It didn’t.  I waited for the waves of heat and fuzzy glow to fill my torso and heart.  Never happened.  I waited for the energy to shoot down my arms and legs.  Nope.  Nada.  I felt nothing, just like after sex with my previous partners.  The climax had been localized to my genitals.  This was horrible!  I was confused, and I was pissed off.  I used my big toy!  He always brings on emotional uterine orgasms!  I KNOW he was hitting my A-spot and cervix — what the FUCK?!!

I lay there, regretting the experiment because it seemed to cement for me something that I’d long wondered.  I really do need the prep rounds to have the ecstatic climaxes that truly rock my world.  The problem with this?  What if I need these prep rounds with a partner to have my oneness-with-the-universe orgasms?  What if I need all this prep every time — men get annoyed with “foreplay” as it is, what man will want to go through bringing me to climax a couple times before he can even come inside?  Guess this means quickies are out of the question.  I’m almost dreading having a partner again.  Ugh….

On a final note, I did notice a sudden hit of arousal about 30 minutes after the big toy debacle.  Suddenly, the after-orgasms really kicked in, I felt energy in my legs, and warmth in my torso.  It was as if my body thought the climax with the big toy was just the beginning and was now ready for the next round — after all, my body is used to going 3 to 5 rounds every time.  This also proved, yet again, just how important my prostate has become in my sexual journey.  Women who only stimulate their external clit and ignore their prostate — what the hell?!  GET IN YOUR VAGINA, WOMEN!!!  Love your prostate!!

I always set aside about 3 hours for these sessions, and I love them.  Now, I see I really do need a certain routine in order to have the orgasms and climaxes I’m accustomed to having.  My next partner will just have to deal with it or move on.

Aroused and learning more each day,

trish

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