A male member of the AW Forum posted a discussion in the Music to Set the Mood area, saying:
“Just thought I would add a category that I like to call ‘Hard Erotica.’ It’s a little more gritty and animalistic… Sometimes a good fuck requires a little hair pulling….”
Seriously? We’re back to the “so easy a cave man could do it” attitude toward sex?
The songs to which this member linked were dance-music, “hardcore erotica” tracks from Basic Instinct and Madonna. As a composer of real music, I find that this sort of computerized drivel personifies what is wrong with popular music (overproduced, over-sampled, monotonous in “beat”), but I’ll leave that aside for now.
Describing an enthusiastic fuck as “animalistic” begins to lead the conversation about sex back toward hardcore porn — removing the humanity from sex and encouraging the monotonous mechanics of impersonal fucking — which is not something I subscribe to and is NOT the purpose of my forum or anything related to ArousedWoman(TM). Sex should be about connection — even casual fucking should have a dose of humanity and connectedness to it.
We all know sex can get really heated and… exuberant… that doesn’t mean the intent is “animalistic,” necessarily. This sort of description is exactly the terminology the church used to shame sex — that it was “base” and only for “lower” animals. Deep, fast, thrusting sex can be thrilling for sure, but that doesn’t mean it is “animalistic.” Sex can also be incredibly tender and beautiful. Sex should be a raising of energy between partners, not just a means of tension relief from erratic muscular contractions. In fact, from a Tantric perspective, the best orgasms happen from “slow sex.” (Yes, I said slow sex — as in, the man enters the vagina, and nobody moves for an hour… Yes, I said an hour.)
For myself, I make it clear to a partner that hair pulling is absolutely NOT OKAY. It’s not only a sign of aggravated assault (to me), but yanking a woman’s head back via hair pulling is dangerous to the cervical spine and the larynx (the tube for breathing and speech).
Men may have a fantasy about hair pulling because of what they’ve seen in “hardcore porn,” but only because they’ve never been on the receiving end of having their head yanked back by their long hair or ponytail. No, it is not the same feeling as when a woman curls her fingers in a man’s short hair (on his head) and pulls his head back (that is bad enough), but to have someone grab hold of your long hair, use it like a handle to jerk your head back is horribly painful — and again, dangerous to the neck and larynx.
Yes, I know, some readers will complain (again) that I’m being all “puritanical” and I’m “not at peace” with myself for expressing my opinion (and I’m not even on my period and all hormonal), but I don’t exist to perpetuate the stereotypes of women or sex. So suck it.
ArousedWoman(TM) is about awakening from the “dirty,” impersonal, shame-filled KoolAid of sexuality as demonized by religion and kinkified by a society still trying to find balance in sexual practices and “roles.” As I say on Twitter: “The human body is beautiful. Sex is beautiful.” Nothing about ArousedWoman(TM) is about hardcore porn, so find another site if that’s all you care about — there are plenty of porn & sex sites that perpetuate the pro-church, misogynistic attitudes toward sexuality. ArousedWoman(TM) is NOT one of those.
One last word on monotonous dance music… If a man can only move his hips in one rhythm, he’s a dud in bed. Give me a man who can fuck the 1812 Overture, and we’ll talk.
trish
Recommended Products:
OpEd: FUCKING CHEROKEE MEN (AND OTHER PEOPLE OF COLOR)
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DailyOJ: ALLOWING AND RECEIVING
Great rebuttal and on the mark!!!
You will get no puritanical complaints from me. Porn is ridiculous in the ways that it portrays sex. No love, no tenderness, the individuals, especially women, are nothing but appliances for meaningless and often cruel fucking. One does not care for an appliance, one uses it. Young people of both genders see this shit, and think that this is how sex is done. Thanks for the informative post. You would think that it would be common sense, but I find there is little common sense in the world of porn inspired sexuality.
May I suggest doing similar posts on deep throating, grabbing a woman’s head and mindless thrusting during fellatio, and facials. Oh hell the list endless!
Ran into your comment over at Moralogous. I will have to check out your blog.
Thanks again for an informative post. The barbarians need all the help they can get.
Thing is, sex isn’t really a spectator sport, especially slow sex, so porn producers are just upping the ante to try and sell more. It just gets more and more ridiculous. Unfortunately young people have never had such easy access to porn and I hate to think how their perceptions and attitudes are being skewed.
GO FORTH AND EDUCATE TRISH BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!
As the unidentifed “submitter” of the two musical selections mentioned in the above OpEd article, I was quite surprised to receive such a harsh rebuff. This is especially so since I had actually been “invited” by the webmaster to participate in the forum identified above and, additionally, since I had clearly indicated that I was merely suggesting the creation of a new–more “energetic”–category of erotic music as compared to the softer “sets the mood” already created by the webmaster. On this point, I must additionally posit that the selections I mentioned as “examples” of this comparatively contrasting category are not actually the types of selections that either my wife or I would actually enjoy or want to listen to while engaged in an act of love-making. However, it IS the type of music that we would find fun and sexually suggestive during a “pre-coitus” setting whereupon we were enjoying a rare night on the town at a club, or at a party with friends. In sum, I believe it was clearly evident–especially from the titles of the selections themselves—that I was not suggesting musical selections which would have been complimentary to a one hour “stick it in and leave it there until you go limp from boredom” type of tantric sexual encounter. Similarly, common sense alone would indicate that I was not suggesting musical selections which someone might want to listen to in order to “get in the mood” for their nightly “bubble bath and candles” jilling off session.
Now, with respect to the preconceived notions in the OpEd article regarding the sexual interests, maturity, and other characteristics of myself and my wife, I will respond by stating that we are both fully mature, professional, and well educated adults (In fact, she is an advertising copyist, an award winning fiction writer, and we BOTH have doctorate degrees). Additionally, I must point out that neither of us has any interest in “base”, hard-core porn in as much as we overwhelmingly prefer literary erotica and soft-core cerebral/psychological celluloids like “Basic Instinct” or “The Thirteenth Floor”. Furthermore, it is difficult for me, personally, to understand how someone might derive pleasure from actually hurting someone during a sexual encounter. Nonetheless, from the perspective of the “recipient”, I would have to admit that it actually feels good–depending on the mood–to have my wife handle my testicles roughly while performing fallatio on me (or when she firmly twiddles my nipples while we are having sex in the missionary position). Likewise, there are times when she desires (and requests, no, DEMANDS) a firm twiddling of her nipples while I am performing cunnilingus and, on some occasions, even a forceful penetration of her anus with one of my digits. More troublesome for me (psychologically), however, are those occasional encounters where she actually WANTS me to forcefully grab her hair and wrap it around my fist with one hand while simultaneously penetrating her vagina (from behind) with my penis and penetrating her anus with my thumb. Again, these encounters are always the result of a very demanding, very explicit, verbal request from her for a “hard physical pounding” (Ergo, the comment I made in my posting, that (at least from my wife’s perspective) “a good fuck sometimes requires a little hair pulling.”). To be sure, these occasional encounters are much more pleasurable to her than they are for me in as much as I am typically unable to fully “enjoy the moment” without worrying whether or not her responses are an actual indication of ecstatic pleasure or an indication of very undesirable pain.
In sum, I am acually appreciative of the webmaster’s OpEd comments regarding my musical suggestions. As a result thereof, I am much more cognizant of the fact that this website is quite different from my original perception. Initially, I thought it was a place where people could openly and candidly discuss sex and eroticism without being personally, harshly–and mistakenly–judged by others. In contrast, I have now learned that this website is a place where the posting of ANY viewpoint is quite likely to be harshly critized if such (even mistakenly) conflicts with the narrow and pigion-holed mindset of the webmaster. To be sure, the webmaster’s harsh criticism (as displayed in her OpEd article above) is clearly reminiscent, in my mind, of the type of harsh criticism the Catholic Church espouses with respect to any suggestion that sex can consist of anything other than an encounter which is both spiritually unitive and conducive of procreation (i.e., you will go to hell for thinking lustful thoughts, for masturbating, for using contraception, for engaging in pre-marital sex, for engaging in extra-marital sex, or–even within context of marriage–engaging in acts of oral sex, anal sex, mutual masturbation, or coitus interruptus). To be sure, the webmaster of “Aroused Woman has simply supplanted the Catholic Church by making herself sole arbiter and social forum “executioner” of any person having a sexual viewpoint which honestly and unabashedly differs from hers.
What do you think of me now, bitch?
Oh, yes, and in response to any typographical criticism, I am fully cognizant that my response contains a few errors in as much as I did not actually proof-read it before hitting the “post comment” button or run a spell check. My bad.
@Robert F. You have a doctorate but can’t take criticism without three paragraphs–over 700 words–of butt hurt? You finish this magnum “oh noes, I gots a boo-boo,” opus with a misogynistic insult and your singular, self-serving concern is with “typographic criticism”? What you need to work on is some emotional maturity.