I’ve been trying to figure out what is going on. And I’m not any closer to understanding what’s happened with my progress, except that what started out as a great upswing in August seems to have already begun the cycle downward.
September was, once again, a month of huge transition for me. On the good side, I gleefully entered Cougar-dom. But personally, I was going through a lot that I can’t write about in a public manner like this (yet). Last September, the end of my Karmic Year, heralded the end of an amazing year professionally, personally, and orgasmically, only to turn my bliss upside down with the death of my theatre mentor, my father had to have multiple operations, and my daughter was ill. I’ve never noticed September to be such a gateway of abrupt change before. Perhaps because change is already in the air each September with the arrival of Autumn, the end of (most) fears of bad hurricanes, my daughter’s new school year beginning, my birthday, and it is the month before Samhain (the Gaelic turn of the year and honoring of ancestors and those who have died).
With all the focus on my theatre writing career, getting ArousedWoman kicked into gear, my daughter starting high school, and other things that ground me in the mundane, I had felt the loss of that higher vibration that I’d been swimming in since September 2010. That September, I had just moved out of my miserable marriage, was starting my new gig writing about theatre for a major online site, and began my journey on energy orgasmic awakening. It was truly wonderful back then. September 2010 to September 2011 was astounding and life-changing in so many ways. September 2011 to September 2012 was wonderful, too, as well as trying and frustrating, but ultimately rewarding.
From an orgasmic point of view, my SASO’s (stealth and spontaneous orgasms) had not been so stealth or spontaneous. The instant nipple-gasms were not so instant. Granted, I no longer needed my O’s to be stealth — I’m home alone during the day again. But the nipple-gasms now took 30 seconds or so of stimulation to start the orgasm ball rolling — same with my not-so-spontaneous OM-clit orgasms. Also, my body did not react the same to these orgasms. My back arched but not as much or as suddenly as when these type of orgasms first began. Nor were these orgasms fractal as they had been during the summer when I could literally have orgasms for hours just by barely touching my nipples or the upper left side of my clit, or even from the brush of air from the ceiling fan! Compounding this, the after-O’s were not as strong nor lasted as long. I was not having deskgasms, leg-gasms, heartgasms, urination-gasms, scalpgasms, or face-gasms.
It’s as if I somehow became unplugged from the multiverse’s orgasm channel. I’d lost my ticket to the cosmic bliss train.
Is it the end of the world? No. Is it the end of my world? Quite possibly. When everything else in my life is crazy and uncertain, having the bliss of my SASO’s was like a calm in the storm.
Now, I know the men reading this just want me to get back to talking about my vagina, or my clit, or anything other than what they probably consider “nagging.” But as a woman, this mind fuzz is a big part of why women aren’t sexually satisfied. We worry. A lot. The worry keeps us in the mundane when orgasms, particularly the energy-based orgasms, require the psyche and spirit to be free to lift up to a higher vibration, and by leaving the mundane physical behind, the body rises up to the higher vibration and, therefore, to true orgasm, rather than the person settling for climaxes that are limited to the manipulated reflexes of the mundane meat-suit.
In truth, I realized sometime during the summer that my over-allowance of Yin was affecting me adversely in my personal and even professional life. I will write more on that at a later date, since I’m still crawling out of that experience. But September 2012 was the lowest of the low points in regard to Yin taking over. Life circumstances presented me with the choice of wallowing in a more self-destructive version of Yin or begin the climb out and start fighting again. At the time, I choose to climb and fight. I lost the mundane battle, as I thought I would, but at least I fought, and that was a huge milestone for me in my journey toward balance.
Don’t get me wrong. I had welcomed Yin — I was too extremely Yang in life, career, and sex. I needed to learn to allow and to receive. I appreciate the lessons learned from Yin. However, somewhere between the allowing of Yin, the rising of sexual Chi through Tantra, the awakening of the Kundalini serpent, and the overall self-discovery of spontaneous cosmic bliss, my awareness pendulum had swung too far into the realm of Yin. I was too much the observer and not the do-er, the receiver not the initiator.
This is crucial to understand because, for me, orgasms are no longer about sex, being sexual, or being physically, sexually satisfied, but rather, orgasm is about plugging into the super-consciousness, living in a higher vibration, and enjoying the lift-off to the Other Side. Riding that wave is like leaving the body behind for a while and swimming in total awareness of the cosmos, surfing above the clouds in an energy that is almost indescribable.
All of these revelations were important to my growth. They signify I have more work to do on my self. This requires patience, acceptance, and time. And that really sucks.
* Read Part 2 here. *
Aroused and climbing,