AskTrish: “Why do you find men attractive and arousing?”

Hi Trish: Happy birthday. I hope that your photo shoot was a great experience. My “ask” is: Why do you find men attractive and arousing? I’m a guy. I think/feel that the female form, in ALL of its variants, is the most exquisite vision that the known Universe has yet conjured up. But guys, with perhaps the rare exception that is akin to a sculpted Greek god, is borderline ugly – at best. I kind of feel sorry for women. Men (straight ones anyway) get women. They get us.  


Dear andanteinc,

First, thank you for the birthday wishes!! 🙂

Second, the photoshoot was an interesting experience for various reasons, but overall, I’m so glad I did it.

Third, are you crazy??!!!  Men are NOT ugly. 🙂  Men are beautiful!!!  As each man has personal preferences for the women to whom he is attracted, women like different things in men.  It can be his eyes, his voice, his sense of humour…

I’ll be honest, I’m not into the hairy thang, but that’s because I have sensitive skin.  My ex wears a goatee, and I stopped kissing him because I got tired of my chin itching and being rashy.  (And he’s an asshole, but that’s another story.)  Some women LOVE a hairy chest and hairy other parts.  Some women like beefy guys, while others prefer the lean, athletic type.  Since you’re not in to dudes, you just don’t understand the appeal of a muscle-bound guy who gives back-cracking hugs. 🙂

For the record, intelligence, humility, and compassion rank at the top of my personal list of what I’m looking for in a man (along with excellent musicianship, an aversion to Star Wars, and a fat, medium-length penis).

So there’s a physical attraction, an emotional attraction, and an intellectual attraction.  Women tend to fall in love with the person the man is or the person the woman thinks the man can  be (which is ridiculous).  As a friend once told me, every person has something beautiful about him or her.  While men can be frustrating, (straight) women love men.  Flaws and all.  And thankfully, (straight) men love us, too, flaws and all.

But why do I  find men attractive and arousing? Let me see… I love men.  I feel electricity surge through my body when I’m around men.  I’ve always gotten along with men better than I do with women.  I come alive around men.  I feel like I’m floating on air around men.  My heart races, my vagina throbs around men.  I love the strength of men, the competitive nature of men (mostly), the boyish charm of men.  I even love the occasional arrogance of men because I can chop it down with one purposeful quip.  The feel of being skin to skin with someone who’s body is different from my own ~  I love it.

And I really love penis… and balls… and the male perineum… Hence, why I’m not a lesbian. 🙂


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* Twitter: AnArousedWoman *


  1. Trish

    thank you for a very compelling reply to a question that many men struggle with. from the time we are young, we are conditioned to believe that we should not feel any sexual feelings toward other men or else you were considered a homosexual male. i never could understand that belief as i have always thought that the human body in all it’s form was not only beautiful, but erotic naturally and very arousing on many levels.

    As Trish has mentioned, the male form does have an appeal to not only women, but men as well. Even if it is reduced to being appreciated by art critics, or other such people one would think should appreciate the male form, the male form of the human body does have not only this level of appeal, but also a wide spectrum of appeal to both males and females of our species. We have evolved to be attracted to other humans for sexual activity and that is not exclusive to being attracted to only one sex or the other. humanity survives on this chemistry though purely homosexual relationships of course produce no off-spring, it is no less valid of a product of millions of years of growth as a species.

    Question everything you believe and don’t be afraid of what answers you may find! the journey will amaze you!


  2. here is another thought.. when you watch porn, do you really NOT notice the man in the scene, or men? do you not find them arousing in some aspect?

    something to think about

  3. Hey, JMD & Andanteinc!

    Thanks for leaving a couple of comments. Reader feedback is always appreciated.

    Andanteinc sounds young to me, so I’m glad he’s asking questions and contemplating sexuality rather than just drinking the KoolAid of media, culture, and the oh so icky industry of porn.

    Andanteinc – I sure hope you keep asking questions and maintain a life of wonder and pursuing knowledge. Most men would not care to ask what the woman feels and why. As a woman, I greatly appreciate you taking the time to ask questions about women’s perspective toward sex and sex partners. Feel free to ask me anything any time. I value your opinion and respect your quest for knowledge immensely.

    Thank you!

  4. Trish, another excellent response! thank you for this forum to learn and explore sexuality

  5. I sound young? Hmm. Given that I’ve just done the early retirement thing, I hope that may be taken as a compliment in some way.

    It is true, that I can find men attractive, in an aesthetic sense – a well weathered face, a good physique, hands that have known labour and/or craft, a certain worldly wisdom in the eyes, gentlemanly graces – but not arousing at all. Thud. Clunk. Nada. But, that being said, I’m now thinking “ugly” was a poor choice of words.

    Thank you for the responses Trish and JMD. They were enlightening. My life has indeed been about pursuing knowledge and asking questions, which does require a certain, exceedingly bountiful, vulnerability.

    PS. The guitar shown in my thumbnail is mine – a seriously hot rodded Ibanez Artcore. Music has been my passion since I was a child; followed closely by green-eyed redheads, beginning when all of those delicious hormones kicked in!

  6. Andanteinc,

    Hey! So glad you made your way over here … to my “real” blog. 🙂

    And yes, your quasi-aversion to the male form while loving the female form was something I’d expect from a 20-something male. And this is a perfect example of how one person can view a word, i.e., ugly, in one sense, and someone else take it in a different light. Plus, the “black & white” of text online hinders communication cues we would notice if we were face to face.

    I love your description (in your reply) of what you can consider attractive but not necessarily arousing. Society, media, and culture have brainwashed people into craving youth culture and bodies with no marks, lines, or wrinkles – i.e., an unrealistically “perfect” body” – when it is the elders we should be listening to. I was overweight or a long time. I’ve had a child. My body is most definitely “lived in.” Having just turned 40, I feel I’m on the cusp between the whippersnappers and those in the prime of life…. though I cannot wait to be a cranky curmudgeon down the road!!!

    And if you like redheads, you’ve definitely come to the right place! 🙂 xoxo


  7. “Perfect”, I do not believe, is why or what we love. In fact, the opposite is true. When we truly love it is the ever unfolding, “lived in” story that is the lasting and ever deepening attraction. When I kiss the scars on my Beloved’s body, I am embracing a part of that which makes her truly unique in all of Time and Existence. And she has chosen to share that with me. And that is pretty freakin’ awesome . . .


  8. OMG! Why aren’t there more men like you in the world that I can cast into love slave-itude in my male harem?! 🙂

    I’ve written about body image a few times, mainly from my interactions on Twitter >> A friend had this amazing thing to say about stretch marks: MyTweets & Comments 08-16-12: Hippy, Free Love & Stretch Marks … and the next day… MyTweets & Comments 08-17-12: Body Image, Stretch Marks, & Self-Hate … and I have some interesting anecdotes from my recent photoshoot that I did ON my 40th birthday, that I will be writing up.

    The more I think about it right now, I clearly need to write another post on this. I feel emotions rising to the surface just thinking about all this.

    So please keep reading and KEEP POSTING COMMENTS!!! 🙂 Thank you! xoxo


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