I had felt a weird buzzy energy all day — all week, actually. The hurricane had not really broken up once it hit land as it was supposed to. Instead, Isaac is heading south, back toward the Gulf. We really don’t need this thing to re-form as a hurricane. But the energy in the air is absolutely electric. And that part, I love. I feed off storm energy — odd since storms are more associated with water, and I am a Fire spirit. But lightning is Nature’s fire, so I am acutely aware of the electricity in the air.
I had just re-started my journey August 8th, gotten some great sessions in, and then Hurricane Isaac forced school closures for a week which tied in with the Labor Day holiday. But, now I’m back to being alone and able to continue this journey… until the next unforeseeable interruption… Grrrr…
With the energy, I truly felt electric. I couldn’t sit still. I just wanted to walk outside, play in the rain, the deluge outside, revel in the energy I had been feeding on for a few weeks. Yet, this constant rain makes me want to sleep. I sleep so amazingly well when it’s raining outside; the steady rhythm calms me regardless of the thunder. This Yin-Yang of energy pulling me toward either extreme at any moment felt like a sexual tension that needed to be rubbed. So I decided to pursue that.
As I began, I had my delicious stealth and spontaneous orgasms (SASO’s). I’ve needed to start with the nipple stim to “tone down” the sensitivity in my breasts, just so I can do some sensual massage. I did some light clit touch, but that erupted in more SASO’s, so I stopped trying to do anything that was “practice” and just went for some prostate love instead.
My prostate was very receptive to touch, and my vagina was wet from the nipple and OM orgasms. I did some absentminded massage/caresses on my inner thigh and up my torso, wherever my hand wanted to go — I wasn’t really thinking about it. I noted the changes in my prostate as arousal deepened.
I also noticed how much I love the feeling of my breasts. I don’t have anywhere near a “perfect” body, but I honestly love the feel of my body. I especially love the feeling of my breasts, their shape and satiny smooth skin. The underside of the breast has a super concentration of nerve endings, nerves that are connected directly to my clit. The spinning ceiling fan blew drafts of air across my breasts, and the otherwise smooth areolas puckered up like they’d been dipped in ice water as my nipple tips grew dark pink and strained upward. I noticed I didn’t feel a zing of energy to my clit. I figured my prostate was overwhelming the nerve switchboard in my brain, so I just enjoyed the exquisite feel of the sensitive skin of my breasts and my puckered tips.
Feeling all lovey-dovey about my body, I figured I might as well do a hands-on blended set of O’s to get started before moving on to Sparkles for the main attraction. And yet, several minutes in to it, I wasn’t increasing arousal in the clit area. My prostate was getting very aroused and wet, but I felt almost nothing as I did circles with my clit. This went on a few minutes more, and I exclaimed (in my head), “What the hell’s wrong with my clit?!!”
That about put me in an observationist panic. Not only was I not allowing and receiving the arousal process, but for some reason, I had become attached to the outcome. Non-attachment was on coffee-break while the Yang energy was rearing its competitive head. I had worked so hard to become more Yin, to release the go-getter aspect of Yang energy. And I wrote not too long ago that I was worried my sessions were going so swimmingly, they were becoming mechanical. Well, obviously NOT!
I was more frustrated with myself for “blaming” my clit for not doing whatever I preconceived she was supposed to do than I was upset that my prostate was aroused and my clit wasn’t. I let off my clit and moved my right hand to my breast. I was not “going” for a prostate orgasm — those take forever. In the old days, a G-spot/vaginal-only orgasm would take a minimum of an hour and sometimes up to 90 minutes to achieve. Exhausting! I didn’t have that kind of time, and frankly, I wasn’t looking for that much of a cardio endurance workout.
After just a few strokes inside on my prostate and a couple barely-there touches on my nipple tip, I had a SASO/prostate/She Spot orgasm that hit like a Kundalini orgasm with all the full-body waves of a 90 minute prostate pumping marathon. It was shockingly powerful and utterly delicious! My back arched uncontrollably, my legs came up as I would expect with a K-orgasm, but this was deeper and even more full — because of the prostate involvement.
I lay there afterward rather speechless and trying to process all the feelings in my body. It was incredible. I felt the after-O’s, my hips were still moving, my abs still contracting, my breathing took a while to return to normal.
Then I disappointed myself by reaching for Sparkles. The disappointment was that I wasn’t going to use Sparkles in a beautiful moment to see what there was to feel. I knew ahead of time, this was about my clit, and I had to make sure I wasn’t “broken.” I stopped using vibration to induce orgasm almost two years ago due to numbness in my clit — that took over 6 months to begin to feel sensation again. I was terrified something was wrong — that the start, stop, start, stop of my practice was interfering with my progress so dramatically my clit had had enough and wanted no part of it. (NO!!!)
Long story short, Sparkles worked his magick on my prostate while I found a groove with my clit, and the ensuing orgasms were intense and induced the standard emotion. However mechanical my process and the resulting orgasms and emotion had seemed to become, they are gold standards now, and anything other than amazing orgasmic highs now sends me into a panic that something’s wrong with me… clearly, I have cobwebs in my mental attic that need addressing. Could use a can of Mindfuzz-B-Gone… if it existed. No, I’ll have to process this the old-fashioned way. One orgasmic session at a time.
Aroused and regressing (Grrrrrr…),