With the issue of anti-circumcision rearing its “head,” I thought I’d petition comments from readers who would like to discuss the topic of uncut sex — sex with men who are not circumcised.
What does it feel like? Is slow sex better? Is deep penetration or shallow better? What are the pros and cons, the experiences from the man’s perspective? From his partner’s?
Mainly, I want to create an opportunity for mothers- and fathers-to-be to get a glimpse of why they should allow their sons to be left intact. Circumcision is permanent body modification, and this choice belongs to the male whose body would be affected. His parents are the stewards for his basic human right to be left whole.
There are rules for participating in the discussion!
Commenters can be:
- Men who are UNcircumcised — I would especially love to hear from you guys!
- Women/men who have been with men who are UNcircumcised — Please share your stories!
- Circumcised men or their partners who have questions or comments regarding circumcision.
- Readers who are supportive of the anti-circumcision movement and even potential legislation to ban circumcision.
Comments should be:
- Respectful, NOT snarky toward men with circumcised penises — after all their right to choose what was done to their body was violated. It’s not THEIR fault they are cut.
- From readers who have specific questions or info about the UNcircumcised penis, including hygiene, personal feelings/experiences, bullying, sexual info during arousal, penetration, orgasm, and after sex; oral, hand play, and anal sex; any info regarding the foreskin, lubrication, erections, ejaculation, sensations, etc.
Keep the conversation clean and respectful. And yes, every comment has to be approved by me first, so don’t waste my time being pro-circ, rude, snarky, or a jerk (or jerkette).
Check back often to read what others write, or sign up for the RSS Comments feed (on the right-hand side –>).
Now, chat away!
trish
For more of my personal orgasm journey, read Trish’s Daily O.J.
Visit the AW site: Aroused Woman
OpEd: FUCKING CHEROKEE MEN (AND OTHER PEOPLE OF COLOR)
OpEd: THE FACE OF ORGASM: IS YOUR WOMAN FAKING ORGASMS OR NOT?
DailyOJ: ALLOWING AND RECEIVING
I really can’t say I know much about this subject. I am, after all, a circumcised man. It was not my choice, but I do not blame my parents for their decision. But I do stand up for the rights of children to NOT be circumcised as part of the process of being born. The whole pro-circ movement is about fear of change and “social norms”. Just because it’s the accepted social norm, or the argument “But we’ve always done it, so why stop now?” is an argument I am sick of hearing. In so many other areas of life, for instance the burning of fossil fuels, we see that what we accept as the best way forward is far from the best way at all. People need to be willing to let go of the ways that our grandparents did things, and move forward with a modern perspective. That much is clear.
In the case of circumcision, I think we can see that it is not something we should do without consent from the person being circumcised. I really cannot see why people would be pro-circ unless it’s for religious reasons. And of course if that is the case, then I say pro-circ people need to stop burying their heads in the sand.
As for sex with an uncircumcised person? Like I said, I really can’t add anything to this conversation. But I would like to now the facts.
My current partner says having says with me (intact) feels like orgasmic cushioned sex vs sex with a circumcised man feels like having sex with a jack hammer, I’ll post her blog on Twitter
Here is my current partners view of the intact penis, unedited:
“From a womens perspective – comparison – to be with a man with an intact penis vs to be with a man with a circumcised penis.
– the difference is vast – there is just no comparison – how can i put this without being too explicit?
For me the difference is like “hard and fast” and not very satisfying with circumcised, compared to smooth, cushiony orgasmic and devine with intact.
Somehow the gentle cushiony pressure of the foreskins gliding seems to just press all the right buttons if you know what i mean.
The other thing Ive noticed is with a circ penis because the glans is so dry and has an exposed ridge it seems to almost strip the wall of the vagina of its natural lubrication, often resulting in painful chaffing sex.
That never happens with a natural penis as the glans is naturally moist, and the ridge is covered by the gliding foreskin, keeping things gliding beautifully.
The difference is like “having sex” or “making love”, it also seems much more intimate with an intact man. Its just as nature intended.
How could any parent allow that to be taken from a newborn son? “
My firsst *real* boyfriend was intact (uncircumcised), and we dated from the time I was 19-22. At the time I was pretty sexually inexperienced so it wasn’t until after we broke up and my sexual horizons widened that I became aware of the difference between cut and uncut partners.
The main difference is the ‘comfort level’ of sex. Those painful jabs, pokes, chaffing, drying out, awkward positions, need for lubrication that women sometimes experience to different levels are all byproducts of circumcision. The foreskin allows for friction-free movement of the penis in and out of the vagina, and without it the shaft is rubbing directly against the sensitive vaginal wall causing chaffing, inflamation, or just general discomfort. The more tight the circumcision, the more acute this friction is.
An uncut penis makes its own lubrication, which is largely noticed upon entry. The foreskin allows the penis to enter the vagina without any sort of discomfort or position adjustment (for the most part), and artificial lubrication isn’t usually necessary. The other main difference is in the length of the strokes. A circumcised often needs long strokes to reach orgasm and this can be painful or uncomfortable. The foreskin allows for a gliding action with the rolling foreskin, so long strokes aren’t uncomfortable, but a man can experience equal pleasure with short ones.
Although the specialised bands of cells are lost forever to circumcision, many men are able to regain this rolling action through non-surgical foreskin restoration by stretching the shaft skin. Here is one couple’s story http://www.moralogous.com/2012/05/16/real-stories-couple-repairs-circumcision-damage-through-foreskin-restoration/ Other men have said that foreskin restoration has allowed the keratinized skin their glans developed slough off, making the glans supple again. Nearly all of these men and their partners report improved sexual satisfaction. I see foreskin restoration as a very powerful and symbolic action of stating control over one’s sexuality.
I am just glad the issue of circumcision is getting so much attention. I chose not to circumcise my son. I figure if he wants to get cut that’s his choice.
It is great to hear women speaking up. Sex for women is so different than for men. If women can educate other women before they become mothers, then I believe the incidence of circumcision will decrease.
I have done a blog post about my decision not to cut my son. Any women that would like to write about their experience, I would be happy to post it. Since I am in the health insurance area I want to educate people about their choices and health.
Maria – Just learned something new. That’s an incrediblly clear and thorough explanation of inhibition of the natural sexual process. As a parent of two sons, I never gave it a thought. Didn’t even realize not circumcising was even a viable option. It was part of the checklist at the hospital along with the birth certificate application and picture ordering form.
Would love to heat from more women about this. Awesome job presenting the discussion, Trish.
THAT’S exactly what we want to change… this crazy-ass notion that circumcision is normal — which it clearly isn’t! Body mutilation should never have become routine!!!!!!!!!!!
trish
Hmm, never really considered that there would be a difference for the woman. Having being circumcised as a newborn 46 years ago I’ve tried not to think about what may have been since there was no point, what’s done is done.
I’m glad circumcision no longer common practice in my country but a “special request”.
I hope you can make a difference in yours Trish.
As I’m sure you are all aware, there is a lot more to sex than the pleasure of physical feelings in ones genitals. Being the recipient of a rather “tight” circumcision I’m with you Maria on the comfort side of things, when the woman’s natural lubrication runs low it really puts a dampener on proceedings.
P
I think you exemplify two things wrong with routine infant circumcision. The first lies on the hospital and their negligence in getting informed consent before cutting the penises of babies. When care providers bring up the topic of circumcision duing prenatal visits, or a doctor or nurse or midwife takes the time to explain the process of the surgery, the risks (including loss of the penis and death), informed parents choose not to circumcise.
The second thing lies in the psyche, and the psychological compulsion of repeating a cultural ritural without stopping to ask ourselves, ‘why did men evolve with foreskins, and why should I REALLY cut a healthy part of my son’s penis off?’ When we stop to ask ourselves these qustions, we are often plummeted down an uncomfortable road of coping with cognitive dissonance and harmful cultural norms. This is where the real debate begins and ends.
Hey, P!
Of course, we love you guys, and I for one wouldn’t want ANYONE to feel less than human because of other people’s perceptions of how your body should be/should have been. Clearly, you were not in control of the situation, which is why I’m glad that there IS an anti-circ movement finally getting heard.
And yes, I absolutely agree that sexual pleasure doesn’t begin and end with the genitals — don’t even have to touch them to experience true bliss. (Thanks to KSMO. 🙂 …)
As for natural lube, low levels of vaginal fluids can be from dehydration, certain medications, hormonal fluctuations or something else, and yes, it can be uncomfortable for all involved. 🙂 You might also try extra stimulation of the A-spot — that is a known trigger for love juices… but it means you have to pull out and let your fingers do the “walking.”
trish
Intact American baby boomer here, thanks to being born in a European hospital to a European mother. Grew up in the middle west with a cut father and brother, and feeling extremely self-conscious. Was 20 when I first read I was healthy; 27 when I first read that the trade association of USA pediatrics did not endorse routine infant circumcision. I read my first intactivist book 30 years ago. My father went to his grave silent about this tender subject. My mother did not open up to me until after his death. I was so self-conscious about my Weird Dick that I did not lose my virginity until I was 37, to the woman I am married to.
Hygiene of the intact penis. Requires attention, but the effort is trivial. I have watched my better half wash her vulva in the shower. That is a much more involved affair.
Personal feelings/experiences: my story of growing up intact in the USA is here:
http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Grew-Up-Intact-In-The-Usa/805583
Bullying: For decades, I was scared to death of being bullied, outed, for having a Weird Dick. Somehow this never happened. I very carefully retracted my foreskin and exposed my glans before slipping out of my underwear. Nobody guessed that my trouser snake had an eyelid.
Penetration: I think being intact encourages my preferred style of vaginal intercourse, namely start slow and shallow, very gradually build up the depth of penetration, and increase the tempo only in the last 30 seconds.
Orgasm: I suspect that I have better orgasms than many intact men, but less intense orgasms than the sex positive women do. I also suspect that circumcision is a major reason why quite a few American adult women have trouble enjoying sex.
Oral: I have never truly enjoyed oral, because I am not comfortable with teeth being very close to my penis. I also believe that the American obsession with fellatio is an iatrogenic response to the penis being desensitised by circumcision.
Hand play: Is much easier and much more fun when he’s intact.
Anal sex: have never done it and never will.
Foreskin: For hundreds of thousands of years, women interacted with men in their natural state. It is likely that women have evolved to be very curious about foreskin, to want to play with it, to be turned on by it. It is a feminine detail in the most masculine of places. I suspect that a growing number of American women are finding that thinking about foreskin, and looking at internet images of the natural penis, turns them on. A foreskin fetish is quite harmless as fetishes go.
Lubrication: I produce precum fairly freely. The foreskin traps my precum and spreads it around in an optimal manner. I began noticing this while at parties in college. If I talked with a girl who turned me on, and then used the john 30 minutes later, I often found that I was completely wet under the foreskin (I always retracted before peeing.)
Erections: In the world of my youth was completely silent about how the foreskin usually vanishes when a young man grows hard.
Sensations: most of what I feel when I pay my respects to my better half, I feel thanks to tender moving bits I would lack had I, like nearly all middle class white boys of my generation, gone under the knife at 1-2 days of age.
Ladies, if you want to arouse an intact man, simply pump is penis skin up and down. I do not see how an intact man with no medical problem or substance abuse, can remain limp if a woman is willing to take matters in hand.
A telling fact about the intactivist movement is the number of women who have posted and commented that they have been intimate with both kinds of men, and have put in the public domain what they have learned about their bodies and the bodies of their partners. There is now no doubt that if a woman is not overwhelmed by fear of and disgust with the foreskin, foreskin and its motion make for a better sexual experience. This fact alone dooms American routine infant circumcision: more and more women are seeing RIC as sex-negative. RIC has collided with a powerful social movement of our time, sex positive feminism. This blog is one of many manifestations of this movement.
@Maria: While American maternity wards now are dutiful about obtaining the mother’s consent before circumcising a newborn, I agree that American medicine is unwilling to find out the truth about routine infant circumcision and its potential adverse consequences for normal adult sexuality. American medicine is also reluctant to tell the truth about what is already known about circumcision.
The most evil thing about circumcision is that many circumcised men acquire a compulsive desire to circumcise the next generation. (This was true of my father. To shut him up, my mother had to threaten divorce.) Circumcised fathers want their sons circumcised in order to subconsciously mitigate any self-doubts the fathers may have about being circumcised. Circumcising sons also prevents fathers from being constantly reminded about their missing foreskins every time they change a diaper or give a bath.
American medical and sexual culture has been in fierce denial for over 100 years about the many sexual points raised in this comment. Even my French mother, who is the only reason I am intact, does not agree that foreskin improves sex! American women who had been involved with both kinds of men, began airing their conclusions in the 1980s and 90s. The Founding Mother of intactivism in the USA was married to an intact man for about 20 years. The woman I call the founder of Jewish feminist intactivism revealed to me that when she was in college, she had a fling with a Latino. The man was forgettable, but the comfortable sex he supplied was not. I have met in FB a baby boom woman who discovered in the 1970s that she was completely unable to reach orgasm with cut men. But a 3 month fling with a Latino taught her that she could climax every time with a man she did not much value… if he was intact! This woman has never married because all the men of her place and time were cut at birth. I have been astounded at the women willing to reveal in FB, using what could well be their real names, that they’ve tried both and much prefer intact. The Great Mother of sex positive feminism, Betty Dodson, has concluded after nearly 60 years of sex with dozens of men, that intact is better (it helps that her father and brothers were intact, and that her only husband, whom she divorced long ago) was not.
Time was, erotic imagery centered on the foreskin was by and for gay men. That time has ended. There are many images on Tumblr of women appreciating an intact male. These women are by no means all European or Latina.
This internet imagery is reducing the genital provinciality of young American women. The most important reason, during the past 60 odd years, why tens of millions of American parents have had their newborn sons circumcised is simply because Dad had never seen intact in the locker room, and Mom had never dated an intact dude. Hence the parents saw the natural penis as hopelessly weird and sexually unappealing. For the first time in human history, any college age woman can look at large colour close ups of penises, and draw her own conclusions. I predict that more and more future mothers are going to think “with a natural penis, there’s more to love. Nature probably knew what she was doing.”
We may perhaps never know why circumcision became so fashionable between 1870 and 1940, mainly because every clinical professor of medicine from that era is now dead. But once circumcision became quasi universal in the American middle class, conformity and snobbishness kept it going. This is very different from the experience of the other English speaking countries, where circumcision declined as a daily shower came to be taken for granted, and as the fear of masturbation faded.
I am a nurse practitioner and have seen many, many complications in circumcised babies and boys, including meatal stenosis, skin bridges, and adhesions. As well as many that refuse to breastfeed after circumcision due to the pain, so they return to our ER dehydrated and needing IV hydration. I have learned that NO medical organization in the world recommends routine infant circumcision. Many of the reasons Americans give to cut their sons are the same reasons that some cultures cut their girls- “hygiene, cleanliness, health reason”. (Which, to be honest, we get dozens of women daily in our ER for genital infections, yeast issues, etc. But we’d be crazy to recommend these women trim up their labia to reduce moisture/skin folds).
I personally am married to an intact man from Europe. He was shocked and horrified to learn that Americans cut their sons. It’s just NOT performed in Europe or most of the world. Sex is always amazing- we have never once had to use lubrication. due to the natural gliding of the foreskin that prevents pain/chafing. I’ve read in so many marriage articles that many couples require lots of lubrication, but this must be the cut men and their wives because of the loss of their foreskin. My husband personally cannot stand to be “uncovered” for long as the exposure and constant stimulation makes his head go numb. Most of his sensitivity and pleasure is on his inner foreskin. He is so grateful to be intact, just how God created and designed him. Boys aren’t bon broken. They are wonderfully designed- every last bit of them.