Copyright 2011 by Trish Causey.
(* In response to a young man who said my openness in discussing female orgasms gets his “heart pumping with jealousy, envy,” then complained that his female partner doesn’t explore her own body, saying “I know she can’t really understand what I was trying to tell her.” *)
Men’s jealousy toward female orgasms is absolutely ridiculous.
Women’s biological ability to have orgasms is small compensation for everything we’ve endured for the past 2,000 years of male domination, patriarchal government, and misogynist, institutionalized religions that have painted women and our bodies as sinful, our opinions as unimportant, and our anger as “hormonal.”
Since the rise of the testosterone-driven, expansion-through-genocide, dominance-through-cultural-extermination, imperial society, the matriarchal, matrilineal cultures have almost completely died out. Women lost control of our bodies, our sexual freedom, our sacred sexual and spiritual traditions, and our inherent right to the self-determination of our futures.
Women have been subjugated as the property of our fathers and then our husbands to prevent us from achieving equality in society. Our inheritances have been passed over to our husbands so we didn’t attain economic equality. Organized religions banned us from equal standing and full participation simply because we have a vagina. Women have been beaten, raped, tortured, maimed, butchered, and burned at the stake for standing up for our rights and demanding to have our voice heard. While all of this is called “ancient history,” look around the world to see the violations against women still being perpetrated as well as the current anti-women agendas of the Republicans in the U.S. Congress.
Orgasms are just the beginning of reparation for 2,000 years of male bullshit.
But there is no reason for men to be jealous of us because men have just as much ability to experience multiple orgasms. Learn to control the impulse for male ejaculation by moving the energy up out of the genitals and through the body, up to the skull and out the hands and feet. The method that seems to work best for men to achieve ejaculation control and experience multiple energy orgasms involves relaxation and low-belly breathing as taught in yoga, Tantra, Kundalini, Taoism, and other energy-based practices. (Both men and women can achieve coregasms through working the lower abdominal muscles.) The PC muscle “squeeze techniques” pale in comparison, according to the men I’ve talked to. But I’m not a man, so I cannot attest to any one method being better than any other, or which ones work best in combination.
As for a female partner who doesn’t want to touch herself, I’d be willing to bet she was sexually abused at some point, especially between the pre-pubescent or teenage years, and/or was raised in a strict, religious household. Either way, you can’t “make” her come to terms with her sexuality or accept her body. That has to be a path she wants to pursue.
The female body is sexualized in all aspects of media and entertainment and vilified in religion. She has to want to change her perspective. You pushing the issue may be seen as yet another male making her do something she is not ready to do. Let her know you’re there to support her, and leave it at that. Don’t push her or keep reminding her that her problems are interfering with your sexual fulfillment. See if she is open to getting professional help.
And I doubt she lacks the mental capacity and “can’t really understand” how this affects you, but her comment sounds like a good sign she’s in the early stages of wanting a new sexual journey, free from whatever is currently holding her back.
Aroused and journaling,