OpEd: The Truth About the Hard Fuck, Pulling Out, & Talking Afterward

On another forum, I read a recent series of posts in a particular thread that once again compel me to want to pull my hair out!

A man had discovered his multiple orgasm potential and was sharing the experience with his new female partner. He wanted to try slow sex to avoid the rigorous thrusting that might lead to ejaculation, but she, according to him, just wanted a “hard fuck.” That’s all she ever wanted. She just likes the “hard fuck.”

So he obliged and, in his words, proceeded to “fuck the shit out of her” and alternately did “fuck the crap” out of her.


Equating vigorous sex with forceful defecation is not only immature, it is a bit misogynistic.  To see the men on that forum then applaud the language was disappointing.  I’m glad he’s having wonderful discoveries about his sexual potential, but verbalizing the experience could have been less crude.  And guys wonder WHY women get annoyed with how men approach sex?!

The other points he made included pulling out afterward, that kissing afterward brought him more orgasms, and that he had been afraid to tell her about his multi-orgasmic potential because he didn’t want her to feel “threatened” or “scared” by it.

So allow me to let male readers in on a few things:
1.  WOMEN LOVE SEX.  Why this is news to men, I do NOT know.  We like it slow and deep, and fast and hard (try alternating 4 slow/deep with 8 hard/fast, and repeat over and over)…

2.  Women KNOW men can have multiple orgasms.  We know men are jealous of women’s capability of MO’s even though most women have never orgasmed during sex.  We know men are jealous because they pout like bratty kids not getting their way.

3. The hard fuck is but one delight on a buffet of possibilities.  Maybe she “only” likes the hard fuck because she’s young and has only been exposed to porn and/or exposed to men who grew up watching porn so their only dynamic for having sex is the hard, emotionless fuck.

As women, we are trained directly and indirectly not to show emotion, that men hate emotion during sex and after sex. And heaven forbid a woman cry afterward or ask to be held — that sends the guy into a panic… or so young women are lead to believe.  And men have certainly been misled by mainstream media and porn as to what is expected of a man during sex physically, vocally, and emotionally.

Let’s just say that some emotion during sex is a good thing.  (Otherwise, you’re a zombie or a robot).  Men should feel comfortable enough with the woman to show whatever emotion he is feeling at the moment, and the woman should feel likewise.  If you’re both spending energy holding back and hiding emotion, that’s energy you could be forwarding to the orgasmic experience! But you’re so wrapped up in assuming what the other person wants you to be like that you’re blocking your sexual energy from its full potential.  Drop the bullshit walls and pretense, and revel in being a human, physical, sexual being.

Also, if the woman has a post-orgasm cry (after pleasurable, consensual sex), then you have really hit the jackpot!  Water is the element of emotion, and whether the water released is tears or female ejaculation fluid, strong emotional bonds are formed when the sex is good enough to cause her to cry or ejaculate.  Hence, some women learn to prefer the emotionless hard fuck to avoid emotion and forming bonds.  Don’t confuse this with the occasional overwhelming lust for hard and fast sex — that can feel amazing every now and then.  But if a woman says she “only” wants that “every” time, she’s been trained to think like that, or she is trying to protect herself emotionally from getting hurt via forming an emotional bond through slow sex.

4.  NEVER just pull out.  A woman may not show it (because of the training of “don’t show emotion”), but a man pulling out quickly immediately after sex is like having your soul ripped out (which, by the way, can induce tears from the woman, but NOT the good kind!)  There’s nothing wrong with staying inside for a while — if in doubt, ASK HER.

Roll over onto your sides so neither of you is supporting your body weight.  Let the penis relax while it’s still inside, and talk, caress each other, and kiss (maybe bringing on more full-body orgasms?).  Maybe you’ll be able to experience the incredible feeling of the penis getting hard again — a truly serpentine Kundalini experience!

5.  Women love to talk (much to men’s chagrin), but that’s the great thing about communication.  Women should be able to talk about what they want — not just do what they think the guy expects her to want or expects her to do.  When YOU talk to her, you’re allowing her to feel free — to share what she thinks, feels, and wants.  You both might learn you want the same things.  Talking during sex is great, too, to reaffirm that the touch and position and overall experience is pleasurable.  (Of course, as you get closer to each orgasm, complete sentences might not be entirely possible until you come back down.)  Let your partner know what just worked to send you over the edge, and maybe he or she will be willing to do it again immediately!

Talking afterward is a great way to prolong the experience, re-live it, and share about what you both experienced: the various positions, how you each processed the sensations, etc….  You can discover so much about how the other person really felt, then file that information in your mental orgasm to-do folder.

Women (and men!) who don’t ask for what they want just confound me!!  Too often, people are afraid to ask for what they want because they fear rejection or ridicule. Would you really want to be with someone who would subject you to ridicule?  Better to accept the rejection and cross that person off your list of partners and be done with them. Then you’re open to find a partner who just might be the right combination you need and want.

Agree?  Disagree?  Feel free to leave a comment (but whisper sweet nothings to me first 🙂 ).

Aroused and ready,

For more of my personal orgasm journey, read Trish’s Daily O.J.
Visit the AW site: Aroused Woman


  1. I agree that the idea of “fucking the shit” out of someone is disturbing. I really just don’t understand how that became a “thing”. And emotion during sex turns me on. 🙂

  2. Hey, Brad!

    Awesome! I’m slightly nervous about venturing out into the world of partnered sex again simply because I am emotional — VERY emotional. Not just the crying after orgasm, but passionate and intense. I know I’ll scare the poor guy. 🙂

    Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment!

  3. Many men have a hard time orgasming during intercourse. They may be able to get off with oral sex or masturbation. And when those men find that an orgasm may be approaching during intercourse they may really work at making that happen by hard fucking. He does not want to lose his erection or the increased arousal taking place.On the other hand, if the man knows he can orgasm during intercourse, many will try to prolong this with slow or measured thrusting or grinding. As we all know by now an orgasm is a mental event and is result of a choice.

    It is very clear to me, in my experiences, that women enjoy the whole drawn out process including extensive foreplay, the dirty talk, variety of positions and the man’s ability to reach her “hot” points. Fast hard fucking can be a problem then. Having said that as I approach orgasm I want to increase the pace and, if not controlled by me, I will be really trying to ram it home to the very end as I cum.

    Since I have become multi-orgasmic the game changes for the better. I am absolutely positive that i will have many orgasms ahead of me in this one session and I can really concentrate on the entire process, rather that having a fear I may not orgasm at all and need oral sex. I practice the teachings of the Kama Sutra which, in large part but not totally, involves a lot of slow romantic movements. Hard fucking can be part of it, but not the focus. But if the woman asks for it… do it! Give her what ever she wants. Your job, as the man, is to serve her pleasures. I do not mean be her servant, I mean tune in and do your job as a lover.

    The nicest thing about being multi-orgasmic is that you do not need to concentrate on having an orgasm. This is going to happen whether you like it or not. You can concentrate on her rather that yourself.

    Obviously most if not all men would like to be multi-orgasmic. In the wrong way I tried for years to develop this but failed. The most I was able to accomplish was edging. Not multi-orgasmic but at least extending the time I can function without the curtain falling orgasm. I beleive that a large majority of men can be MMO but it is not easy. You have to re-wire your brain… no not surgery etc., but rather super concentration on what is going on in your body and getting the brain to associate that as a pleasure point that is recalled later. Google this and you will see several options. I personally think that the prostate massager route is very effective.

    As usual I digress and got off topic. As usual I have to apologize.

  4. 😀 , here are the corrections for what i’ve said previously :
    Well , a man that know about all this aspects and understands them is not afraid of them , Making love to a woman an opening her deeply is a life long task for every day thing to do . I also believe that a real wild man is wild at heart too , he has to courage and power to stay on show his vulnerability . And yes , that is a present man that looks straight in to her eyes with no fear . I am lucky enough to understand all this from my own experience, i see my woman crying ,melted and vibrating after making love and i think i am a lucky one to have meet such a wonderful woman .
    All your articles are so well made, clear and bare . I recognise all this and i think you should write a book with all your knowledge . Lots of man need it for sure . One more thing , you may hold some workshops in Denmark , i think there would be lots of people willing to hear you talking . Only good and thank you very much !

  5. A necessary condition for your wishes to come true, is an end to infant circumcision in America. Tear down the Empire of the Bald Penis!
    In my 26 year marriage, I learned a great deal about sex and the penis that I’ve not read anywhere, not even in betty dodson. I was very lucky that the person who initiated me into sex (and whom I married) understood her body very well and knew how to communicate with men.